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Extra-curricular activities

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Original poster

Dd very wobbly over performance this week. Help !

28 replies

Didiplanthis · 09/12/2017 21:10

Hello. Dd is doing her first solo violin performance in the school carol service this week and having been note perfect for weeks is now forgetting the notes, squeaking and catching the wrong strings. She's got in a right state tonight sobbing and saying she's going to get it wrong etc. Everything I say is wrong. If i say it will be fine she points out all the things she got wrong tonight. If i say no one will mind if she goes wrong then i think she will get it wrong too. Any ideas how best to deal with this ?

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TaggieOHara · 09/12/2017 22:04

Poor thing :-( . My DS2 plays the violin and also gets nervous. A few thoughts

  1. It is very very common for DCs to get jittery and play worse in the days leading up to a performance or exam. It doesn't mean that they will play badly on the day.
  2. Tell her that even professionals make mistakes, especially early on in a performance. The key is that they play on as if nothing is wrong. She must expect to make mistakes and plan to keep going
  3. The important thing is not how 'well' she plays but how much the audience enjoys her performance. A few smeared string crossings and out of tune notes will not dampen their enjoyment if she feels the spirit of the music.
  4. Along the same lines... the audience are not there to assess her/be impressed by her/ be horrified by her technical errors. They don't care how advanced or accomplished she is.
  5. On the day, she should try to reframe nerves as excitement. The feelings are very similar. She should also know that all performers feel nerves/adrenaline before they play in public. She should also plan a very simple warm up if possible. A couple of scales and playing through her solo slowly if possible.

Very best of luck! Let us know how she gets on!

Original poster
Didiplanthis · 09/12/2017 22:18

Thank you so much. That's really good advice. She's the youngest playing so no one will care anyway as she looks cute !

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Trumpetboysmum · 10/12/2017 07:49

Taggie that's brilliant advice and I shall no doubt be needing to share it with ds in the coming days when he has his inevitable panic about his Christmas concert solo
I really feel for your dd did I I will also be telling ds in the coming days that ( apart from you who will have heard the piece loads) no one will notice if she makes a mistake as long as she keeps playing . Ds's teacher also helpfully always points out that everyone has a nightmare at some point and it really doesn't matter- not that I think that is actually that helpful for our dc's but hopefully helps them to keep it in perspective . Ds's teacher also will never let ds over practice a piece so I reckon hardly playing it before the concert might work - I always worry about this approach but it does work. 😀
Good luck to your dd x )

TaggieOHara · 10/12/2017 11:17

Thanks Smile

one more tip is that in the days leading up to the performance, don't let DC stop if they make a mistake. They need to play on and then go over problematic passages afterwards. We have found that the most effective practice in the run up to a concert is playing all the way through each piece slowly (rather than at full speed or just doing passage work).

TaggieOHara · 10/12/2017 11:26

Sorry - posted too soon. As well as getting used to playing through mistakes, the number of mistakes will generally reduce as they 'play into the piece', building confidence.

One thing that really can throw an inexperienced performer is starting at the wrong tempo. I'd strongly advise getting the accompanist to count in (for little ones). If counting in isn't appropriate, the best advice is to simply change speed rather than go ahead and have a 'car crash'.

I also always tell DS2 to tune carefully at the beginning and between pieces. He doesn't really need to, but that private space on the platform is invaluable for calming nerves.

Original poster
Didiplanthis · 10/12/2017 21:24

No tears today ! I used your advice and she seemed much happier so thank you. Its an unaccompanied single verse of a carol so not really time to get into it and blindingly obvious if she gets it wrong also very exposed standing up the front of the church so a big ask of a little girl ! Anyway she got some of her oomph back today so hopefully onwards and upwards.

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Lonecatwithkitten · 11/12/2017 11:12

Our policy is loud and strong even if it's wrong, if it's wrong it's only a song. Theory is if you are confident and keep going giving a good performance the audience notice a mistake much less.

TaggieOHara · 11/12/2017 18:32

Love that lonecat.

It is a teaching challenge though! All that effort into getting DC to listen, note mistakes etc - and then the opposite applies during performance. The mental game of music...

randomsabreuse · 12/12/2017 08:14

Had a rehearsal with the high end amateur (I'm the weakest flute at G8 - most are music college grads/current teachers) wind band. End of pre show rehearsal was dire - couldn't get/stay in tune at all and concert was best we've ever played!

Trumpetboysmum · 13/12/2017 06:49

So ds had his usual panic last night , time to follow the advice here today I think . I keep telling him that no one will really care if he makes a mistake we are all there to enjoy the evening see our dcs perform , have some mulled wine and hopefully not get home too late 😆 ( the concerts can last over 3 hours as the head of music loves to give the students a chance to perform ). It's quite an amazing concert and really emphasises how much they love music at his school. I know He will be fine ( even if he does miss or split a note or two where he usually wouldn't ) but I am going to have to dig deep into my reserves of calm for the next few days I think ....

Trumpetboysmum · 13/12/2017 06:50

DidI has your dd had her people performance yet ? Good luck to her if not Smile

TaggieOHara · 13/12/2017 12:09

The thing that makes a difference to me, is not thinking that no-one cares whether you make a mistake, but also that no-one cares how 'good' you are! No-one is going to go home after a concert and say 'ooh Taggie's spiccato was SO even' not that they would anyway but they might say 'that performance was so enjoyable'.

My (wonderful) employers sent me to a confidence coach to help me overcome my fear of speaking in public, and these sorts of mind shifts have been life changing for me. They are often just as applicable to music.

Trumpetboysmum · 13/12/2017 17:30

Tanks taggie I will try and impart your knowledge and mindset to ds tonight though as we are still waiting for nco results I don't think he's in the best frame of mind . Surely he will find out tomorrow? Then that's one thing less to focus on

Original poster
Didiplanthis · 13/12/2017 17:56

Performance is tomorrow - All calm so far !

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Trumpetboysmum · 13/12/2017 17:56

Good good luck

TaggieOHara · 13/12/2017 20:03

Good luck both! And fingers crossed for good NCO news tomorrow!

Floottoot · 15/12/2017 07:14

How did the performances go, Didiplanthis and Trumpet?

Trumpetboysmum · 15/12/2017 07:42

Thanks for asking trumpets isn't till Monday but now he knows he's got into NCO he's feeling very positive. 2 days of rehearsals at school now so he's happy 2 days of all music and no school work Grin I'll let you know how it goes but as long as he does it and keeps playing I'll be happy

Original poster
Didiplanthis · 15/12/2017 14:25

It went well !!! She played really well and confidently and looked sooo tiny at the front of the huge church ! Thank you so much for all the advice it helped me and her so much.

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Trumpetboysmum · 15/12/2017 15:00

I am so pleased Smilegreat news

Floottoot · 15/12/2017 18:05

Wonderful!
Hopefully, it will give her nerves a boost for the next time she has to perform too.

TaggieOHara · 16/12/2017 15:29

Well done! I'm so glad it went well. Glad that mini-Trumpet is also feeling positive. Good luck for Monday! Flowers

ilovesushi · 16/12/2017 16:30

Great advice from all here. I used to go to pieces as a child at piano festivals and competitions. My hands would shake and I felt like I had no control over my fingers, so completely empathise. One of my children adores peforming in front of an audience and is entirely undeterred by the odd squeak (clarinet). The other one is plagued by nerves which translates into him playing at the trumpet at warp speed to get it over and done with. Will use some of these tips with him!

Trumpetboysmum · 18/12/2017 23:14

So he had his performance tonight and played beautifully, not without the odd split note !! but he kept going and said he really enjoyed it I think he was more excited than nervous beforehand.

TaggieOHara · 19/12/2017 10:51

Well done mini-Trumpet! The most important thing is that he enjoyed it. I'm sure it was a hugely enjoyable for the audience as well. Smile