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Extra-curricular activities

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Original poster

Continuing piano lessons

42 replies

AdelicaArundel · 17/08/2017 12:18

Hi all, I don't post in here but am looking for advice from any music/piano teachers.
DD1(11yo) has been studying piano for 4 years; her teacher rhapsodises about her ability- but fairly typically for this age, DD is not a fan of practice!
She does well in her exams- always in the 90+range and has won medals for her ability in some pieces.
She adores musicals- loves watching old movies, PitchPerfect, Les Mis, Sound of Music etc.
Loves going to theatre to watch shows. Spends her day sitting listening to music.
All of which is going to say that she is very musical.

BUT she has refused to resume her piano lessons once we are back to school.
We have argued about it and she says that she hates (!) it.

She is having a proper strop about it...i'm not sure how much is being pre-teen and hormonal, and how much is actual hate.

Does anyone have any advice about how to insist encourage her to continue? Please?

OP posts:
dodobookends · 17/08/2017 16:19

Have you asked her what it is about the lessons that she 'hates'?

It could be that she would prefer a different teacher who could work with her on what she likes and teach her stuff from musicals and film scores etc, rather than wading through grades.

Original poster
AdelicaArundel · 17/08/2017 21:16

Ho dodo, that's a good point.
I pulled up some Taylor Swift youtube videos from pianoitall and she was a bit more interested.
So, that might be an option.

OP posts:
Mistigri · 17/08/2017 22:14

My DD had music lessons through primary school then dropped music completely when she started secondary. I assumed that was it, but a year or so later she took up a new instrument and has never looked back.

The question is whether your DD is playing the right instrument (for her) with the right teacher. At this age it becomes increasingly difficult to enforce practice unless your child really wants to play.

Original poster
AdelicaArundel · 17/08/2017 22:27

Misty thanks, yes, I do wonder if it is the "right" teacher.

Teacher is a wonderful, lovely, elegant older lady. Absolutely smashing....but might not "down with the kids", IYKWIM?
I had a similar teacher, and I loved her. Perhaps DD1 is not the same.

It is difficult to enforce practice...I'm v lucky that she has been so good so far.
But I don't want to ride roughshod over her....it's not as if she is point. She has lots of other activities and works hard at them.

I just feel as if I am letting her down if she drops it at this age.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 17/08/2017 22:30

It might be she wants a break from exams for a while ? See if she would be interested in playing some of the songs from the shows she loves?

Mistigri · 17/08/2017 22:48

There comes a point (around grade 5, at a guess) where musical skills are never lost. I honestly think that with older pre-teens and teens that they really have to want to do it - and if the desire goes away for a period of time, that doesnt mean it will never come back.

The teacher does matter, but it's not necessarily easy to predict what sort of teacher will work best. DD has loved her two guitar teachers, both jazz professionals who teach in a very non-classical way (lots of emphasis on collective playing, improvisation etc). But she also adores her very classically-oriented piano teacher, who shares DD's love of the romantic composers.

SlB09 · 17/08/2017 22:53

I had two breaks from lessons, started around 5/6 then had a break beginning of senior school or maybe a little earlier, I then asked to go back to it as I missed it! Sometimes you just need a break, she wont loose her ability I wouldnt worry too much

Couchpotato3 · 17/08/2017 22:55

My DD downed tools with piano lessons at a similar age, but then carried on playing on her own, and improved massively over the next few years. She has since gone back to lessons twice, and stopped again, but it has worked for her. She is a very competent Grade 8 level pianist (excellent sight-reader etc) but just didn't want the constant grind of lessons. She plays another instrument to a higher level (took this up around about the time she stopped piano the first time).

I'd definitely explore the idea of a new teacher / different approach and repertoire first, but also maybe think about a different instrument to see if you can rekindle the interest in music. She will progress much more quickly on a second instrument as she won't be learning all the nuts and bolts of reading music and so on - just applying what she already knows to a new instrument.

Original poster
AdelicaArundel · 17/08/2017 23:16

Thank you all for your advice.
I was trying to work out earlier how much of the battle is down to me not wanting her to miss out as she clearly loves music Vs how much is my need to assert authority and not give in.

You've helped me to see that it's not just a case of stick-to-the-progression-in-grades . There is the option of having her learn pieces that are meaningful to her.
I might get the sheet music for "The sound of Music" or Harry Potter pieces.

I do worry that if she drops it, she won't come back to it- I'd hate her to regret it later.

OP posts:
musicalmama · 17/08/2017 23:30

I'm a music teacher and the worst thing about my job is trying to teach someone and they don't want to learn! Teachers can't make her practise either. Don't force her, she may go back to it in her own time. It's maybe not cool at the moment. Age 14/15 is when they really decide if they are going to commit to it in my opinion. If there's no passion she won't keep it up while studying for exams too so no point in pushing it.

I hope she does keep it up though as it's a wonderful skill to have.

Original poster
AdelicaArundel · 17/08/2017 23:44

Thanks musical. You're right - I can't force her, but I don't want her me to throw it lessons away.
It is a wonderful skill; I think I went through the same rebellion but my unempathetic mother refused to allow me to drop it. (thanks mummy).

Thank you all so much- I have an alternative plan now.

(Any ideas on coaxing pitch-perfect boy with an excellent ear to join a choir? while I'm here? Grin)

OP posts:
BackforGood · 18/08/2017 00:55

My dd flourished once I said she didn't have to do anymore exams. She's 18 now and sometimes plays for 20mins- 1/2 hour x twice a day. Plays all sorts - from improvising pop songs to classics. She has loads of 'Songs from Musicals' types books, and I don't regret for a minute offering that as an option.

Mistigri · 18/08/2017 07:03

Very similar experience to couchpotato here. DD age 16 now semi-pro on her main studies (guitar-voice) and starting diploma-level studies on piano. She has only ever done one piano exam.

What works is that she mostly plays what she wants to play (lots of Debussy and Chopin!), without much regard for difficulty. One of the very first piano pieces she ever learnt was Schumann's Traumerei! She's only slightly miffed that her teacher is now insisting on some Bach Grin.

Teenagers with supportive parents will learn if they want to learn. My younger teen (14) who has never shown any interest in music whatsoever is busy cramming a year or two of guitar into the summer holidays at a rate of 6-8 hours practice a day, using on-line resources. (This is also how DD started guitar).

Therealslimshady1 · 18/08/2017 08:29

At that age it is hard.

Can you ask her if it's the instrument, or the teacher?

I told my DS he could give up violin, but to try 1 term with a new teacher first. Also got him a few "fun" books (pirates of the Caribbean, star wars, pop music off internet etc) and said no grades for a year, just play what you.like, as long you keep playing.

He had now started piano, which is so much easier than.violin and is making quick progress and loves it more than violin

At 14, he has now decided to do music for gcse and will keep both instruments going.

It has become HIS choice though, and that was key. But am glad I got him over the bumpy patch at 11/12 by taking pressure (grades) off. Good luck!

Original poster
AdelicaArundel · 18/08/2017 16:17

Thank you all for your advice.

I'm having ongoing chats with DD1 and she is adamant that she does not want to go to lessons.
Since she's seen that I'm open to compromise (thanks to your advice) she's agreed that she would continue to play; but playing things that she likes.
We downloaded some sheet music online and she's gone off and spend 30mins learning it!

[Flowers] for you all.

Now- anyone have advice as to sites, from which I can safely download contemporary/pop sheet music?
There seem to be lots- but am always wary of sites that want to download stuff for one to print off?

OP posts:
Original poster
AdelicaArundel · 18/08/2017 16:19

Flowers Flowers Flowers

That'll teach me not to proof read before posting

OP posts:
anditwasallgoingsowell · 18/08/2017 16:22

My dd plays piano, she has lessons but doesn't do the grades. She mainly plays modern things which she is happy doing (and she practises!) I figure if she wants to go back to doing set pieces and grades when she's older she can. It's unlikely she'll be a professional pianist Grin you just need to find the right teacher. I think some parents are so focuses on grades, I have heard UCAS points spoken about more than once Hmm I would just rather she enjoyed playing.

Original poster
AdelicaArundel · 18/08/2017 16:55

YY to the focus on grades- it's how I was taught and I hadn't put any thought into an alternative method.
DD1 is a hard worker and puts lots of effort into all her activities. I'm allergic to the thought of "giving in" or not having the stamina to keep going when it gets tough.

Like you I would prefer that she enjoys playing. There is some "cool factor" in being able to play the latest tunes by ear and no cool factor at all in playing scales and obscure classical pieces.

OP posts:
Sittinginthesun · 18/08/2017 17:00

I'm having the sane discussion with 13 year old ds. He is a lovely pianist, his teacher thinks he's great, but he just won't practice. We've stopped the grades, but the end result is that he's now not practising at all.

My head says to stop - he's very motivated with school work and sport, quite a high flier academically, plays three sports to a good standard, so he's not lazy. He's just out of love with music.

I think it's a shame, as he is good, and I think he'll regret it later, but what can I do?

MrsStarwars · 18/08/2017 20:18

My 12 year old ds is exactly the same! He claims to still enjoy playing piano despite not practising at all over the holidays. He is not keen to re-start lessons in September either.

His teacher has been great with him the last year and backed off with the grades and introduced different repertoire, but as won't practise the progress has been very slow.

I think he has fallen out of love with the piano too, he's keen to persue some new hobbies which is great but I can't help but think he is throwing away all his hard work over the years with piano.

Maybe he will return to it in the future? I am hopeful, as music is such a great gift.

nonicknameseemsavailable · 18/08/2017 20:34

I played from being very young (piano) but my teacher moved away when I was about 9 and I had a new one through school who I hated. I stuck it out until I was 13ish but even though my parents had told her that they were more than happy for me not to do exams and to just focus on playing for enjoyment so learning pieces from musicals or jazz etc she still persisted with boring (in my opinion) classical pieces that I hated so I stopped completely and haven't played since.

if she is good then it won't matter if she doesn't do it for a while, she can always go back to it in my opinion (assuming she doesn't plan on going to music college I mean). Get her sheet music for things she wants to learn to play and either she can have some lessons to help her perfect it or just teach herself it. I learned Phantom of the Opera etc through just doing it myself when I was about 11 so she will be more than capable and no doubt will enjoy it much more. then will find herself practicing just purely because she wants to play.

Original poster
AdelicaArundel · 18/08/2017 20:58

Thank you sitting; I do feel that she may regret it later, but as you say what can one do? I'm not going to frogmarch her into her lesson.

Starwars that's it exactly- it's such a gift to be good at music. From the start her teacher exclaimed about her ability and DD wanted to go.

nonickname thanks for that; if she could pick up the book for Les Mis or whatever and learn all the pieces, I think I'd be mollified. At least she would still be learning and maintaining the skill. It's such a shame to drop it.

But I don't want to drive her to the point of hating it.

Thank you all- your viewpoints have been so helpful to let me figure out what to do.

OP posts:
Mistigri · 19/08/2017 07:49

I do feel that she may regret it later, but as you say what can one do? I'm not going to frogmarch her into her lesson.

But unless she is planning to become a professional musician, there is nothing to regret. The skills she has learnt won't be lost (I've just taken up piano again after 40 years of not playing!) and if she decides to take it up seriously again in the future, she is likely to make progress much faster than a younger child, or than a teenager with no prior musical background. My DD's 5-6 years of music lessons during primary school might look "wasted", because she no longer plays that instrument, but that experience enabled her to make very rapid progress on other instruments as a late beginner.

I'm pretty sure that if I'd insisted she continued her first instrument, and made it into an adult-directed chore, she would not now being playing paid gigs, or starting diploma-level piano studies.

foundoutyet · 19/08/2017 09:10

and what do you do with a teenager who doesn't practise, but doesn't want to give up lessons....sigh....

Tokelau · 19/08/2017 09:21

If you're looking for sheet music, I would join scribd. It costs about £6 a month but it's well worth it when you can pay about £3 for single sheet music on some websites. I am a piano teacher, and I can spend hours using scribd and playing the piano. You can search for particular music or an artist, and you can say the level if you want. I find it brilliant. My DD, 16, loves it too.