June Music Thread

[Fleurdelise]

Hello all and welcome to the June thread! Waffle did me the honours of asking me to initiate this thread as she has no access to Internet while on holiday.

This thread was first initiated by Waffle when Goo was 6 and now she's 11. It is a thread for all the musicians, big and small, to share their love (and frustrations ) during the long path of learning an instrument. I first joined when dd was 7 and in the process of preparing for grade 1 piano for moral support. If you read the ending of the May thread you'll realise I am still a nervous reck here we are now, two years later, Dd is 9 and preparing for grade 5 piano and grade 3 clarinet, the exams are in exactly 13 days. I also have DS 15 who is in the middle of his GCSEs at the moment, he has no musical interest.

As I couldn't leave Waffle without an introduction, below is a quote from the May thread. The only correction is that I believe Rara has now turned 9.

I have two daughters. Goo is 11 and in her last term at primary school. She's working towards her Grade 8 Flute (some time next year) and playing from the Grade 4 Piano book (currently refusing to take any exams, and putting off the first proper performance!). Rara is 8, may or may not be doing Grade 3 Cello this term, and is approaching Grade 2 Clarinet.

Both of them played the recorder for years, starting as preschoolers. They reached Grades 7 and 3 respectively, but sadly neither has really played since the music festival a few months ago. They are obsessed with their Flute and Clarinet, and really enjoy Piano and Cello. There won't be many opportunities to play the recorder at the secondary school they will attend, so much as I love it, it's probably a good time to quietly drop it. Recorder has given them both lots of opportunities, confidence, reading skills... and festival prizes!

Welcome louey. Good luck for the exam! I hope you do decide to start up learning again. I got to G3 on violin as a kid but nothing else, I started piano 18months ago and just got my G3. I love it and I absolutely love sharing piano with my little girl

Sounds good dappled glad it went ok
Welcome louey

Hi all
Both of mine are now done with the exams and I can finally relaxed
It was funny moment for ds6 during last minute rehearsal with the accompanist. He was playing his third piece already when we realised he didn't have music in front of him :)

Hope all went well, only. Rara ended up crying in her cello lesson today, over something pretty minor. Her teacher was trying to get her to count 1, 2 in her head, bring the bow across on 3 and start playing on the first beat of the bar, to bring the teacher in. Rara really didn't understand what she was getting at, became uncomfortable, so her words vanished. What she really needed to say was, "I don't understand," or "I can't do it yet" or "Please show me what to do", but she couldn't. She cried for another half an hour when she got home. I think I need to get her some help. I also won't be putting her through another cello exam in a hurry. If ever.

Oh, Waffle, so sorry to hear this! Hope she is ok now?

Oh waffle that's not good, bless her. I hope you can work out the way forward with her.

She is OK at the moment, was a bit clingy and wanted lots of cuddles this evenings. She loves the cello, likes the teacher and won't be defeated by minor setbacks (unlike Goo). I told her she doesn't have to do the exam, but she wants the reward for all her hard work. Her pieces are OK to good, sight reading and musical knowledge excellent, and if she scrapes a pass for the scales, we'll be over the moon. Speech has been an issue since she was 3. DH thinks she's fine, she thinks she's fine, and I don't want to draw attention to the issue, but she often won't talk when it's 'expected', clams up when uncomfortable, didn't put her hand up in class until Year 3, and does miss out on things by not speaking up.

i am sorry Waffle, it's hard when you don't know what to do for the best. Has it been raised as an issue in school or is it overlooked because she's quiet and not causing trouble?

It's the latter, Icould. There are 39 children in her class, and quite a few are needier than she is. We had her tested at school last year, to rule out any language problems. She scored 126 for IQ, 130+ for vocabulary, and in the low or middle 90s for processing speed and word finding speed. There's no dyslexia, her reading age and spelling age are something like 5 and 3 years advanced, because she reads non-stop. So it's more of an anxiety thing (but with some kind of processing delay in there) and started with a (perceived) trauma at 3.

Waffle I'm sorry to hear this, I hope she's ok! It is so hard to see them upset. Do you think it is more serious or is she very very shy? Sorry if I'm asking the wrong questions. I'm asking because I think I said here before, dd took about 8 months to actually talk to her clarinet teacher. She'd say stuff like yes or no and a lot of nodding but nothing else. The clarinet teacher was puzzled as she didn't expect dd to progress so quick seeing that she was getting no reaction from her.

So when you describe Rara there are a lot of similarities, like dd wouldn't say if she doesn't understand something either as she doesn't want to draw attention to herself.

At school dd takes two terms to get used to actually talk to a teacher (she does when asked but she'll never initiate) and then there's one more term and she gets a new teacher so we're always aware she's never actually noticed, till this year when her teacher actually moved up with the class so she got the same teacher for two years and he tells me she's blossomed, he doesn't realise he is the reason for it.

Does this sound like Rara? If so we're doing a lot of encouraging, tasks to help dd find her voice and identify what it is. Two weekends ago we went to a park and her task was making a friend in the playground. Last weekend she had to talk to the intercom at her dad's work when asking to be allowed in (DH had to pick something up from the office).

If Rara sounds the same, if it helps at all, I was this child. And three weeks ago I stood up and presented in front of 80 people at a conference at work.

Apologies if I said anything wrong, just wanted to let you know I do identify with you sometimes when you talk about Rara.

Thanks everyone. I love this thread!

I think there is a processing issue which needs to be uncovered further, and some selective mutism. She is very shy (says she isn't though) and also secretive, loves boxes to lock things away in, and doesn't show her feelings much. She's also very creative, and very funny.

I like the sound of your 'projects' for DD, Fleur. Unfortunately, those are the kind of things I still expect Rara to be working on in five years' time.

Oh don't get me wrong, that's the second time she got this project, she managed a 5 yo friend. But dd started being aware of it recently and told me she's worried going to secondary school (Sept 2018) as she doesn't know how to make friends. That's how I got her on board with little projects (buy something in a shop, ask somebody for directions, make a friend in a playground etc) but we are not confidently there yet.

Dd is a great body language reader also (Rara probably is too, they spend their quiet time "reading" what you are not saying rather than interpreting the words) so that's how she falls to pieces in exams also, a little sigh, frown or anything and dd will mess up as she thinks she's failed.

She denies she shy too, and in fact she's so bubbly and cheeky when comfortable. Like with her piano teacher.

I blame myself for it but now I need to work on it, I hope Rara will make great progress and I am sure you're doing everything in your power to help her, poor little thing crying, it must be heartbreaking to see her so upset.

Oh I'm sorry Waffle.. it's hard to see them struggling for words isn't it? Ds ( now 20) has similar problems as part of another disorder
He also wouldn't describe himself as shy even though he was described as such all the way through school.
He's actually quite confident.. just naturally introverted and struggles with processing and judging what responses people want and then forming the response in time.
Ds has found adulthood easier as people don't tend to question adults in the way they do children.
We found that giving him family responsibilities seemed to help him.. particularly if he had to give verbal instructions to the rest of us.. i.e. Finding the way around a city for us..
I hope tomorrow is a better day x

I do hope Rara feels better, poor little thing. I sympathise having had a total inability to tell adults if anything was wrong/unclear as a child - and I did a lot of reading, creative stuff and keeping things in boxes, too. Maybe Rara feels she's being told off when the teacher was just trying to fix a problem or it was just frustration. It's so hard to know how to help and shyness isn't easily conquered either. It takes time.
Very interesting comment from troutspout about her DS - I know a lad who is much, much happier now he's at university. He barely would say a word to adults all through school.

I have been lurking for ages and wanted to say hi. I have two DSs. One is a baby and the other is 5. He's musically obsessed (and DH and I are musically illiterate!) and is taking his violin prep test next week although his teacher is confident he will be ready for Grade 1 soon. He's also playing in his 2nd concert this weekend. He's wonderfully enthusiastic. Forced me into finding him a violin teacher at 3.5, practises with enormous enthusiasm every day and is currently hounding me to organise piano lessons (I will, when I am less sleep deprived!). He also wants to play the flute but I have told him that 3 instruments in one go is a bit much.

And yes he's also shy and can be lost for words. Except when it comes to music where he just comes alive!

Waffle and Fleur, I sympathise with you both completely! DD2 has gone through periods of being painfully 'shy' at various periods. When she was at nursery, both times that she changed rooms at the various stages she stopped talking to adults for 5 months. She would talk to other children, but would clam up if she thought an adult was listening. We were really worried about her going to school, but somehow it eased a little then.

She does a dance class, but until she was 9 she would get very worked up about doing the end of term class in front of the parents. She told me "It's the eyes!". She hated the thought of them looking at her.

She still hates being put on the spot and being the centre of attention. If adults she doesn't know that we'll ask her a question, she zips up and turns round and looks at me to answer for her. There is then an awkward silence as I tell her that the question was for her. Her challenge is to order her own food if we go out to eat.

She often internalises things and won't say what is upsetting her, but it comes out in her behaviour at home. I then start to prompt her to tell me what is bothering her and eventually the flood gates open. She also has certain issues with processing and although she has a wide vocabulary, she gets frustrated when she can't remember the particular word she wants and has to describe around it.

Aural in ABRSM was a challenge, particularly the singing parts which is why she has switched to Trinity, but even then it can be like drawing teeth. I was amazed that she did a solo on bassoon in the school concert two years ago, the first time, but I think that that was because her teacher was so matter of fact about it and just told her that she was doing it.

All so different to her sister who was always so chatty from an early age.....

I find it hard when dd does activities with her friend who is confident and will talk to everybody and loves to be the centre of attention, they are now in the wind band together, dd finds the comfort in it as she has somebody to talk for her, take the initiative and so on.

The downside of it though is the fact that when dd (and myself in the adult world) comes face to face with an overly confident person she shuts down even more, she must feel what I feel, that that person is taking away all the "space" to be filled.

I work with a person like that and while I admire her enormously, I find her intimidating, in meetings with her I have to force myself to actually talk.

Doubleup I think they are twins. That's Rara EXACTLY. It's more than shyness... she has some processing problems, a very specific language issue we can't quite tease out, and a shut down button. And the trauma that started it all was starting a new preschool, the same week as being moved up a room in nursery. I begged the nursery to leave it a couple of weeks, they listened, then did their own thing anyway. She didn't talk at either setting for around 6 months after that, and clammed up in public.

Waffle, we really thought that she was heading towards selective mutism, particularly when she was aged 3 or 4. Nursery were really good about it. Didn't force her to take part in things, but let her join in when she had had a good look and could make the decision herself. They arranged for her to have two visits to school before she started so that she could feel comfortable and that worked. She can still be very quiet in certain situations, but her teachers have recognised this and will rearrange seating in class so that she isn't always with the very confident children and has the chance to find her voice and give her opinions more easily.

She is so much better than she was, so there is hope that she will mature out of it. Both DH and I are not the most outgoing of people, it I have to front it out at work to get my opinions over, so hopefully DD2 will learn to do that. DD1 has a bit of the awkward teens about her at the moment in terms of social skills, but is very comfortable talking with adults. She has always been more mature than her years.

Hello! Glad to have found this thread.
Are there any parents of flute players on here? DD (11) has been learning the flute for a few years and is currently preparing for Grade 4. She has been borrowing a flute from school up until now, but due to move to Secondary in September, so I have to return the instrument. I am not sure yet about whether she can borrow a flute from her new school and am worried about having a long break from playing, she has been working so hard recently and it would be a shame to lose the momentum over the summer if she doesn't have an instrument. Plus she is feeling very sad about handing her flute back!

Have any of you purchased your own flute and do you have any advice? I am a total music novice so don't even know where to start looking. Thank you.
I am hoping she will be able to join some music groups at her new school and it will be a good way to make friends.

Doubleup Rara is getting better, but far too slowly. I'm not sure that anyone can really help her though.

Welcome, elektra! I also have an 11 year old flautist and I play too. We recently bought her a new flute from John Packer's - not sure where you are in the country, but they are brilliant. If she's in a state school in the UK, they will sell you one through the school, with VAT taken off, a small 'educational' discount... and if she takes in/email a copy of an exam certificate from this academic year (for example, when she passes her Grade 4 exam) they will give a further 5% discount I think. If you are in the south, I reckon it's the place to go to try some flutes.

Welcome Luchi and Elektra
Electra-Dd is a clarinet and piano player .. but I'm sure someone with flute buying experience will come along shortly
You could ask her. Urgent teacher for advice?
Luchi- your little one sounds lovely

Welcome Luchi! I agree, two instruments are enough for a five year old. He sounds so keen.