November Music Thread

[Wafflenose]

Let's have a new thread for November... I'm not sure if the old one will last long enough. This is a place to talk about music lessons, practice, exams and anything to do with learning instruments/ singing. We have beginners and advanced players of all ages.

I am mum to two girls - Goo (newly 11) - Flute, Recorder and Piano, and Rara (8) - Cello, Recorder, and one month of Clarinet so far. She won't put the clarinet down, so I think we've found The One.

Green: wish we had was homework... also year 4 it takes so long. Swap please?

Well good to hear it isn't just me who seem to find the competitive parents/friends irritating. I had the "oh DD finished this book long time ago" also. How rude.

Don't get me wrong DD (and DS of course) are the best kids on the planet of course but I'd never dream to state or show this in any way.

I need to see miniMisti tomorrow, I love her voice, I just had such a busy day...

Fleurdelise I hope this will cheer you up too

And a reminder

Se22: hahaha, honestly its better that the homework is from school, once you have 30mins home work A WEEK and about 8 times each term then you will understand. We have children in my daughter class pulled to prep as they needed more help and better prep for secondary entrance.
String: best of luck to ministring, you have a nerve of steel.
Fleur: the best way to survive may be learning from Prada, to laugh it off and focus on what we need to do.
Have a good week ahead everyone!

Re competitive parents - I just smile and say "Well done to your DC!" and back away carefully. I can do gracious when I want to.

We have one more week of music school! The last week is chaos a concert.

On the subject of competitive/ nasty comments from parents, hear this one

When dd gained her place at school she went to one of her activities where there was a really competitive mum.
As we weren't her type for conflict she left us alone usually.
i.e no competition for grammar school as my dd isn't all that bright at times.
her dd same age also did music but the mum thought she could buy her way in or her dd was bright and this was enough.
So anyway, dd mentioned place at school and the mum in front of dd said Wow I never thought you'd have passed the entrance exam.
To which I replied what entrance exam, she did auditions.
Mum was quite put out that the school didn't have an exam, and more put out that place was offered irrespective of income.

She was an awful woman, nobody liked her and she thought herself and dd were better than everyone else because of money and academic ability.

Thank you for cheering me up ladies! I tend to smile and nod and congratulate the parent on their genius child generally but when it gets to DD as a "I'm better than you" in front of another parent and that parent doesn't address it I find it so hurtful. I know we can't protect our kids all their life though so I tried some role playing with DD last night to give her some tools to respond, such as "that was mean to say, real friends aren't mean to each other" or "I don't like competing against my friends" type of responses.

Not sure she'll use them though as she is generally taken by surprise even though it isn't the first time it happened.

As I said I more disappointed with the parent rather than the child, kids will be kids and I understand that sometimes they are mean to each other, it is the adults that should react on hearing such mean comments from their kids.

Gilly

Fleur - its def the adults that set the tone; shocking what some children say during the 11+ period, but of course they get it from 'somewhere'....

Gilly - how horrid! and how can anyone be so blinkered to think you can by-pass talent and hard work to go to any vocational school?!?

I think that is the reason for which I need to cut ties now, next year 11+ exam is near so I can only imagine what will happen then...

We've had the "oh you haven't finished that verbal reasoning book yet? I finished mine 6 months ago. Oh are you on book one maths book only? I am already on book 3 (certain type of maths prep books)." To the extent where last time she was visiting I had to do a quick run around the house to hide all the academic stuff so there is no conversation on it. She even sent DD a screen shot of her half term prep she was doing (music and academics) to show her she is working harder. But as I said all these were said to DD directly so no adult present.

Then the drawing comment came...

Yes, Fleur, definitely time to back off. It's not healthy. How on earth do people get like that? Maybe she needs the Bond11+ Book of Good Manners.
Gilly what an awful person!!
In other news, Rockschool is now sending me daily emails about the closing date for the Spring exams. We're not doing Spring exams! Go away, Rockschool! (But give us the results of ds1's exam first, obviously!)

Fleur, I think you have been excellent in not condemning the child for her comments, but it's easy to see they come from the parent.
The woman who was so nasty to dd had a lovely dd who was always apologising for her mum, rolling her eyes and telling her she can't say things like that.
I hope it lasts out for the girl and she doesn't turn out like her mother.
There's no need.
At the time it was water off a ducks back for dd, but it could have seriously damaged a child lacking confidence.
Why do they do it? Is it really that important to them to appear better than others, to look down on them and say sarcastic, cutting comments?

fleur she sent her a screen shot? That friendship is toxic.

drummers yes but the result was the opposite, DD showed it to me saying how unlucky her friend is having to do all that work and how I am The best mum ever for not doing the same

DD also had work to do of course but not the same amount (because I didn't feel there was a need for it).

gilly I personally decided I will not discuss my DD's (or DS) abilities and achievements in RL with anybody unless asked. I think it is a very thin line and the reality is that only the family cares and is honestly happy about my kids' achievements. The rest, people enquiring about what grades DS gets at school and what grade music DD is at, I think they do it either to compare silently or open a conversation that is twisted around their DCs being better than yours. And I don't want to engage (anymore).

I think these people are insecure and lack understanding that there is enough space on this planet for everyone.

Except this thread of course, we don't know each other in real life so I feel so comfortable to talk about DD's achievements and genuinely happy to hear about all the other DCs achievements.

Mistrigiri your daughter has a truly beautiful voice, and I can't believe she can write like that at 15. I have her other tracks on in the background, just the sort of thing I need to listen to today. She really could make a career of it. I'd buy her album.

Congratulation's to your son too drummer. Does he play in a band or anything? I know he might not be want to be desplayed on his own, but letting us listen to him play on a track with mates couldn't be too bad could it ?

Can't believe that comment and the parent saying nothing Fleur my daughter once expressed surprise to a friend that a friend was not yet on the same (suzki) book as her. I was mortified. He plays beautifully, so I think it was a genuine surprise to her, just tact is not her strong point. But we had a very long chat about how unacceptable that sort of thing is. The English don't really like tall poppies (which can be hard if their not doing it on purpose), but tall boastful ones really are unpleasant. We go to a state primary in a deprived area of London so not too much competitive parenting here thankfully. Other problems with odd ideas about parenting, but not that

My girls sung at a folk night last night with their folk school. 8yr old got terrible hiccups during her solo verse. First one came out with a little burp as well, as air swallowing is one of her ticky habits. She handled it well, carrying on while grin/wincing (is there a word for that) and and sounded nice in between the odd noises. Got hiccups last time she sung solo lines at a concert too, nerves I guess. Next solo lines someone's phone went off, but she is so used to doing practice with chaos around her that she just carried on regardless . Little one (5) sund her first few solo lines too. Belted them out like Shane Macgowan (it was Fairytale of NY) in front of a room of adults. She was high as a kite after. I'm so proud of her, she wouldn't say boo to a goose 18 months ago. Music has been amazing for helping her find confidence.

Just thought I'd lost another Essay as my cat sat on my hand on the mouse (she thinks mouse finger action is her personal chin/bum tickler) thank goodness for 'apple z'

I tell my DC to say "well done you" to people who boast to them, "thank you" to praises, and I say "thank you, they've worked hard" if people praise them to me whether they are there or not, and I say "well done, you must have put in a good effort" to other children.

There doesn't seem to be any need to be nasty.

I still remember one of my very nice teachers in secondary school (that was when dinosaurs walked the earth ) expressing surprise that I got an A in one subject... It's not nice, is it?

Ladies I could regale a lot of tales about competitive parenting and materialism but would be at the risk of outing myself... Suffice to say, I don't engage. It is however, the main reason we are choosing schools far away to escape that level of toxicity amongst classmates which will no doubt continue as will the level of materialism...

Love the idea of the 11+ bond book of manners though. Can think of many recipients!

Just pondering,whilest having 10 min before dc get home..... about busy (or not) with 11+ exams. We don't have this here but had to sit entrance exam for indep school.
I found a lot more busy the first year they actually started secondary school than the year preparing for it. Longer school hours, more homework which isn't due in a week (or 2), etc.

Little scare last week, when dc3 vomited the day before her piano exam, but luckely she was fine on the day itself.

Ah they are home....

and sorry, speakers of computer not working again so can't listen to anyone at the moment (but hoping to get a new comp[uter soon)

Gosh I am so shocked by these stories of competitive parenting. Is this what being a parent in London is like these days? Glad I got out before having kids. We have never never encountered anything like this. DD's class is selective but it's a very supportive environment, they help each other with maths homework, DD photocopies her revision cards for other students etc.

monkeypuzzle thank you. Maybe one day she will do a proper recording. There are grants available locally, and she has an application all ready to go in, but there is just no time to do it this year. Maybe next summer.

I love your story about folk night, hiccups are a singer's worst nightmare!

Misti we are in London but no selective schools nearby so no 11+ competitiveness. But there would be people like that everywhere, I imagine. You could be competitive about anything.

Ladies I outed myself a lot here in the last few posts also so I wouldn't be surprised if this comes out in real life so I will stop with my exposure.

Monkey I love your essays, keep them coming, well done to your DDs.

DD didn't want to audition for the Christmas carols concert solos even though a few of her school friends encouraged her to do it but she's not that confident.

gillybeanz I choked when I read your story!

I have another problem. My dd can look and behave quite dumb at times :) when in fact she is quite the opposite. Couple of times people were talking quite sympathetically to me, the most recent conversation was when one school mum said - you have to find her strengths and help her to develop them. What she is good at? Of course I just had to nod and thank her for her advice but I confess I am just a human being so I said - at everything really.... She is doing year 6 maths, don't know what school is going to do about it next year, and that sort of things. And then I gave her all the info and links and book names to help her to prepare her older ds for SATS (I know all that staff as I need to entertain my dd at home somehow :)). That mum looked a bit puzzled, I must admit
But I truly don't know how to react when people truly " sympathise" as opposed to being nasty