November Music Thread

[Wafflenose]

Let's have a new thread for November... I'm not sure if the old one will last long enough. This is a place to talk about music lessons, practice, exams and anything to do with learning instruments/ singing. We have beginners and advanced players of all ages.

I am mum to two girls - Goo (newly 11) - Flute, Recorder and Piano, and Rara (8) - Cello, Recorder, and one month of Clarinet so far. She won't put the clarinet down, so I think we've found The One.

To be honest since reception I have never done homework with her. In the past I used to have an amazing nanny who helped her with homework( reading books/records) and it might have meant our nanny actually did it for her. I wasnt the best mom by then regarding to her education as I was working long hours and pumping myself with a dozen of hormones medication in hope of conceiving a second child. I eventually helpped her better by end/mid year 1 but still have never done homework with her. If they are maths or English then they usually takes max 30mins both. If they are science or research then she does it herself(and wandering on youtube most of the time). I remember once she was doing a research about all London bridges across river Thames it was 5 lines and a horrible drawing of the Tower bridge. I dont usually pack her book bags but on that Saturday I did then on Sunday I took her to see the bridge again, we sat in a cafe and I waited for her to draw the bridge again and to rewrite what she knows(that might be the best of her homework ever). After that I randomly checked her work but havent found much the research type. I do help her though for example bought a colourful times table printer and sticked it in the kitchen. We do maths challenged and that was her favourite when we tested her how fast and accurate she could do with her mental maths. We used to send her to a tutor centre for 3 months where our main aim is having childcare covered during this time. They called early learning centre and they gave her yr 6 works and she still got 100%( was in yr3 by then) then I found its no point. She is doing ok however many of my friends' children are doing better and my friends seriously coaching their children in such an intensity that I refuse to involve in any tutoring and 11+ discussion( I withdraw from any group chat/discussions and try to avoid these subjects over meet up/dinners/parties and told all my friends that I am nervous however dont want to discuss about it right now). My thinking is I dont want her to have that stress too early or if we must I'd like it to be a private one in my family only, a subject that I am not comfortable or confident to discuss. Personally I found being rounded is more important too so I guided her to focus on her music and swimming and physical activities for now. Gosh, writting an essay here again, I should stop.

Green - honestly, I truly think your DD is much, much better off doing what she does. It sounds like, thanks to you, she reads widely and enthusiastically and she has an instinct for maths. You can't tutor for that. All that, plus the experience of music that she has, is better for her in the long run than intensive tutoring, and it will show when she does entrance exams. As she gets older, she will be really engaged with learning.
Although our primary school was very good in lots of ways, they just seemed to have the oddest attitude of what homework should be. DS1 was a bit too much of a free spirit for it until year 6, whereas DS2 has always just got on with it!

Green my dd was in very ordinary state schools for primary and middle school. She hardly worked until Y10. She's now in a selective class (the only truly selective class in the whole county, so there are a number of very bright kids) and it's fine. You wouldn't be able to pick out the kids who went to "nicer" middle schools versus the kids were at deprive ones. I am inclined to think that (at least for bright kids) it makes very little difference in the long run, as long as they are socially integrated and their classes are not so disruptive as to make teaching impossible.

Green honestly we are 9 months away from the local 11+ exam and I am very relaxed. I have decided to disengage from all the competitive parenting. In fact I am going as far as avoiding parents with kids the same age. It will ruin a few friendships (well one on my side and one on my DD's) but it is only so much competitive behaviour both myself and DD can take. It is starting to upset both of us, the constant digging, the constant "mine is better than yours" be it academics, music, arts, sports and so on. Both of us need to distance ourselves and I am convinced that DD will do great in any school regardless.

So what your DD does, enjoying herself, being able to do different stuff such as music, art, sports, besides academics it is so much more important in developing a great adult.

Oh and I may sound bitter, it isn't at all like that, if anything DD IS the one at a higher ability in these conversations, I just don't like pointing out, it is the constant conversation that is always about academics, abilities, who's better, I often wonder what happened with the good old friendship? DD was mortified last week when her friend looked at one of her drawings and said "this would have been so much better if I would have drawn it" That actually makes me so angry as her mum was there and said nothing.

Fleur at that sort of behaviour!

NeverEver I am still upset about the comment as the friends mum is my friend. DD said nothing but told me once they left. I was and still am fuming. I considered saying something but then remembered that is not the first dig the friend has at DD leaving DD upset or the mother does at me (but I am an adult therefore I can take it).

So decided to cut ties, better that way as this is what DD wants also. Shame really as they've been friends for a while...

Fleur unbeliavable.
green I agree with you re revision of the concepts learnt, and also the importance of independent learning but I just wish more of it was actually done during the school day. Today is Sunday, DS has not left the house. This is every Sunday now. Is it normal or healthy for a 15 year old to be sitting all day working and not even go out for 15 min? Ok, I confess he did one hour of piano and 30 min of drums, but he's allowed to have a hobby. He's studying the Weimar republic, I'm trying to find time to see a documentary about it together or Cabaret and I can't. Is that normal? That I can't even complement his learning in a different way? Sorry, it's just one of those days for me...

Fleur you're right, if someone deliberately makes you feel bad then avoid them. I think the girl's comment was bratty but her mother ignoring it was even worse.
Poor Minifleur. I hope she isn't too upset. It must have been hard for her to know what to say.
drummersmum - we've had a very occasional Sunday like that but not every one. That sounds very frustrating to say the least.

drummers no advice just to say DS (15 also) spent the day out all day. Not sure that's healthy either

Please tell your DS drummers that he is amazing on the piano, the drums video didn't work, will try again later.

Loose she didn't say anything, she said she's used to her mean comments. But you are right, is not the friend's comment that annoy me the most, it is the fact her mum was there and said nothing.

Thanks Fleur.
By the way, when a child behaves like this it's usually because there have been comments like that at home so no surprises about the mother who was probably very proud. And yes, spending all day out is great and very healthy

Sorry everyone I've been very grumpy and sour. I shall control myself from now on. Life is good

Fleur. The whole 11+ Thing reminds me of the card I bought my friend recently : ignore it all and for you.

Drummersmum: completely agree. Apples don't usually fall far from the tree

Gifted and Talented 1936

Drummers, dont worry, I needed one too so I am helping myself now while reading your posts(I may be the only one reading backward sometimes including books)

I hate homework it ruins our weekends sometimes . dd is still at primary school and doesn't get too much ( and she's quite motivated) ds on the other hand just thinks it's gets in the way . his priorities are music, being 11 ( which involves being on his phone and painting warhammer figures) and then homework . however his school is really strict about it so it stresses him out and it just ends up casting a dark cloud over the weekend. he has three tests this week poor boy and probably loads more next week when he's also playing in 3 concerts so looking forward to that 😬

I agree ladies, if anything I realised that neither my friendship nor our DDs is what I thought it was. I would never allow my DCs to tell another child they are better at something and I would call them on their rudeness immediately.

I love the card Prada I feel better already.

Fleur: I know your feeling, i have couple of friends, they are ok, just their children must be the best. I am learning to try to laugh it off and find a way to look at it in an amusing way.

Drummers: mine is similar to yours, could be happily to sit for hours readings or doing anything she is given( I wish its the same for music one day). I dont know what I can do when mine is 15 years old, there is some sacrifice they have to make if they prefer being a high achiever and if that is what they love doing then very little we could change it.

Trumpet I agree about weekend homework. I've told the school that too... Not that it would make any difference but I really can't stand it.

That card is funny. You can think your child is the very best ever, but there really is not need to put anyone else down. What are they thinking? So insecure.

Mistigri: love her track, she has such a beautiful sweet voice, does she consider to try Xfactor or similar?
Loose: why not do it, it must be super fun. What are commitments that they needed?

Green - - i feel for you; but on the bright side - we didn't tutor dd for the round of entrance exams we are finally coming to the end of. Offers will - or will not - start arriving later this week, and we will then see how foolish i may have been....but when i look at the children with 3-4 tutors (and these are very bright kids already) and no time for anything for 12-24 months, well i just knew we couldn't do it to dd. So we will see - we have some fall back schools that have jan-feb entrance exams, but i have seen dd really start to 'get it' this autumn, in her own time/way, and i am hopeful she will have get her favoured school. But i swear she has to stay wherever she goes until she is 18!!

Green (part 2) - don't assume you haven't got into nco until letter arrives - they are looking for something 'special' in the child; that doesn't mean things will be perfect every time

Fleur/Prada - such boasting is par for the course in our current environment. DD was doing homework in front of some non-school friends yesterday, and the mom proudly told us that her dd had finished that maths book at least 12months ago...so rude to write off the whole of my dc's school in one sentence:) . But love the card

Drummers - sounds horrific; i sympathise and dread the future!

I noticed this thread was busy and wondered what the news was and had forgotten about exams

Absolutely lovely recordings and results, I was so far behind I had to go back pages.
So not going to list everyone as I'm bound to miss somebody out.
It is really lovely to hear your stories, I remember when I had loads to say, but don't get to know what's going on much.
No exams atm, possibly a grade 3 Piano in spring, who knows as Piano is painstakingly slow for dd and down the list a bit.

I understand where you are all coming from with the homework, we had a similar experience and was partly the reason dd asked for H.ed
Completely different as she was only little, but even reading and spelling took her time away from practice and she was tired enough after school anyway. It's hard to fit it all in and cope with school as well, you have my sympathy. It's great for dd and friends as homework is timetabled into the day as prep, along with everything being in the same place cutting down travel time.
I'm sure there are disadvantages with it too though, I'm not sure I'd like a huge part of my life being in one place.
Good luck wishes for those with exams, festivals and auditions coming up, there are some very talented children mentioned on this thread.

Green no def not TV talent shows (too exploitative/ only interested in a commodity they can sell and not artistic development).

Tbh I don't know where she goes next, if anywhere. I do think she has some songwriting talent; she can also sing, but her voice is nothing exceptional. Whether there is any mileage in trying to seek out more opportunities than the ones that just turn up randomly (like the Yaël Naim support slot), I genuinely have no idea.