Committed children (for want of a better description)

[KatyMac]

I thought I'd start a thread for those of us with 'committed children' - this is a made up name for those children who might have a bit of talent (& equally might not) but who work really really hard at their chosen activity to the detriment of most other things. Often sports (gym, football, athletics) dancing (like my DD) or music take on a whole life of their own and 'overtake' the family.

I'm sure there are other parents out there dealing with this and I wondered if we could chat/swop strategies etc?

Anyone up for it?

I will not coach high level gymnastics any more because I have seen too many girls and their families who have been damaged by it.
Firstly gymnastics places a young body under enormous stress and joint problems are the norm in ex gymnasts , i had problems in pregnancy and childbirth as a result of my gymnastics as a child.
Secondly it is just SO competitive.You have to work SO hard all the time just to keep your toe hold.Conditioning isn't fun you have to expect tedium and pain.Lots of girls training so hard and so many hours and will never get anywhere or make a penny out of it.
They can't have any other hobbies and have trouble socially because of the time they spend at the gym and because training hours can just change at a moments notice and they and their families have to fit in.Then they get to certain age and they are just dropped.By this time they have ruined their education, have no social skills and nothing to fill the big hole left by gym.
I havern't even mentioned eating disorders, the costs involved and the effect on brothers and sisteers getting dragged around after them.

I now teach general gymnastics and rec only.We take the kids up to high level skills and they enjoy ot becausu they are not learning to do everything absolutely technically perfect we can move on sooner and keep it fun and fresh!
I think a lot of parents get flattered because their DC is chosen for squad, but truth of the matter is i could take nearly any young child and as long as they have a reasonable body shape and focussed enough to do the conditioning properlyto get themselves strong and flexible enough, I could make them into a decent competitive gymnast.

My son is committed to computer games!

Just back from a not very successful weekend in Blackpool

We are quite short of money atm so we will have to cut back on some classes

DD is devastated but we really have no choice

Feeling a bit crap

The standard was so high; it was amazing

Makes you realise how far DD still has to go

DD spent last week at a dance festival. I couldn't take her, so I was going to cancel. She arranged a lift with a friend and sorted out all her own hair, makeup, costumes, music, etc. Didn't get her best marks ever for most of her dances, but did do fantastically with her National Dance, so she was really happy. She started early in the morning each day (she is not a morning person) and got home very late, but was still ready to go the next day. She had a great time with all her dancing friends. She would dance every day if I could afford it if I would let her.

Good idea Katymac, my DD1 is definitely a "committed" child. She is only 7 and doing a lot, this is because things have built up overtime and she has been unwilling to drop anything - in fact it is a constant battle not to pick up other activities.

Dance & music are her main things: ballet, tap, modern: this summer she has Grade 1 in all three....then in the autumn is her Grade 1 piano. She is also in an orchestra for her violin. All a bit mad if you ask me!

She also has 3 siblings - the younger two don't do anything yet, her brother does violin and piano only at the moment....

It does all cost a lot of money, I keep a spreadsheet now to remind myself in a few years' time how mad we were!!!!

DD left at 3:45 this afternoon & after a Ballroom class, a Contemporary class and a Modern class (at 3 different venues) she will be back at 9:15

Her dad is knackered

Ah, first comp of the year here. Dd2 got silver in her first ever solo, so she is chuffed. She was v nervous. All of the group stuff is on for the rest of the week, so in and out of the city. Her technical side was up there, but she definitely not as polished as everyone else, so has loads of work to do.

She did make me laugh though. I picked her up from school and she was in her wellies. No other shoes except her taps with her (and no taps allowed to be worn except backstage), so she wandered around looking like she'd just got in from mucking out, except for the fact she was in full stage make up... Definitely country girl meets city. She's now remembered that she's supposed to keep flip flops in her bag. we got back at 11.15 last night, and she's supposed to be doing a presentation about her mentorship experience and the effects of anaesthia on animals tomorrow. Tonight is going to be fun...

HSMM - well done for her getting some independence re hair/ make - up etc... V impressive!

A rare night off so we did 2 hours of maths homework/revision and an hour of English

Oh and an hour of Ballroom too

How is everyone doing?

Is it all still busy for everyone?

We had a week-end that snowballed into choas

An exam Sunday morning - fine
An exam Sunday morning & a show Saturday night - well it's tricky but we can do it
An exam Sunday morning & a show Saturday night & a rehearsal after school on Wednesday & a show Friday night (for school) & a rehearsal after school on Friday - Bloody hell!

We had 3 hours of Stagecoach on Saturday then traipsed to Stockport for 2nd round auditions for a show. She got one of the leading child parts!!

However she flagged when we got back and didn't feel well. Problem is she needs her sleep but feels that she should be allowed to stay up later like her friends now she is 10. They go to bed at 9.30 apparently. Her bedtime is 8pm

DD's is 8:30 (but allowed to read) on the rare and unusual night when she is in the house at that time

Congratulations to you DD; we have 3 new competitions coming up

3 "committed children here" . Mainly music, though DS would want to be very committed to his rugby if only he didn't get injured so much LOL.

THey are 18/16/12. THe 16yr old is having a term off his adult choir (mainly for GCSEs buit also his concert orchestra concert clashes with the choral one!) .I nag a bit re practice but mostly let them sort their time management out themselves.

DD1 (18) is now at uni, and as far a s I can tell, being a kid who has had a lot of calls on her time from quite young has set her up well for independence. She can study and get top marks as well as holding a choral scholarship (practices, services , concerts, some extra events too) and socializing with the best of them as well (OK perhaps not getting completely legless on a Saturday knowing she has to be up and singing on a Sunday, but that's no bad thing!).

If any of them weren't coping academically I would take a long hard look at the extra curricular stuff.

What do they miss out on- not a lot- TV time maybe but actually iplayer etc has come at the right time- they can watch what they want when they can watch it.

Oh KatyMac I think committed children sums it up nicely.

Our DS(10) has 4 and 1/2 hours of dance on a Thursday (limbering ballet, tap, modern, show work) on Saturday show choir and drama, Friday is street dance and Tuesday is Glee club.

He's gone from top of the class child who adored school and the sense of achievement he got there, to a child who barely tolerates school because he wants to be at the academy. Like he's marking time at school until he can escape and go dance.
We are thrilled he has something he loves so much but I worry about his apathy towards school and quite frankly the cost.

Dd(3) now does Ballet, tap and show work on a Saturday because she was so dreadfully jealous of her brother. When we went to pick him up she would crash the class and dance at the back.

The last show was in April and between costumes for them both, make up, tickets, photos, DVD etc I just couldn't calculate how much.
BUT we'll continue to pay as long as we can.
He now wants 1:1 vocal training as there is a showcase in October and he wants to sing solo.

I worry that there must be a point where we have to say no more classes enough is enough but he lives for these classes. I don't know.
Now DD is showing signs of being the same.
We have been misconstrued as being pushy or indulgent. If only people knew how we worry. About him being burnt out, about p e day not being able to afford it.

We went to London for the weekend. When we got to Shaftsbury Avenue he informed us that that is where we will see him when he is older.

FoofyShmooffer I reward good grades at school with dance stuff

So (an undeserved - as I later found out) B gained her a revision class in tap

An A* in dance = an extra show

It's working for us, mainly I think because DD sees it as a job

KatyMac. I think that's a good idea. I might have to give that a go.

What doesn't help though is that the children in his class know he sings and does Drama and give him a hard enough time about it. It really gets him down. He daren't tell anybody about the Ballet and Tap. They'd make mincemeat out of him.

He has one more year in primary then I can get him away to a new school. We have chosen a secondary which focuses on academic and performing arts equally. Just hope he gets in.

It's a bit carrot & stick

Low grades = less dancing

Stay the same = same dancing

High grades = more dancing

I guess that makes me a bad mum

Theas18 your are older - how did you manage it?

We have a few difficult decisions to make over the next year.

Dd is in Year 5 and we apply for senior school in September. She is very academic but a dreamboat (always planning her next dance routine instead of concentrating in class) she gets 80-90% in maths tests with minimal effort. She does get quite a bit of flack from some of the other kids but handles iot quite well (she has stopped telling them some stuff). Today all her friends went off to a singing workshop day only 12 places names out of hat) and one of them was a bit catty as she walked past them lining up waiting for the minibus.

She is on track to go to an independent selective school but we have the chance for her to audition for a specialist performing arts school with a substantial fee remission. However she would audition for the drama strand which would mean she would have to give up all of her dance. Dd loves dance but isn't of the calibre for this school's dance course which although it covers all forms if dance plus drama/singing the children are chosen through classical ballet audition.

On the one hand I feel that at such a school she would no longer be an oddball and would be with other like minded children but I am not sure that giving up her dance would be right for her. She also does not at the moment want to perform as a career but wants to study politics at Oxford!!!! She would love it at this school and it is good academically but no where near the school she is due to go to and their a level provision is sketchy as most 16 plus students go on to study the level 5 or 6 dance & professional theatre diploma rather than a levels.

Foofy, it is so hard for boys. There is a boy at dd's dance school who reached the final few for the scholarship at Sylvia Young, so near but so far. The boys at dd's school can be really cruel to her sometimes I guess they would be even more so with another boy.

Oh dear - that is hard; DD wasn't seriously dancing then ElphabaisWicked

& we have the whole post 16 crisis to address - A levels/uni are not going to hack it for DD

At the moment it feels like I should be committed (to an asylum!). Have just about recovered from the dance school show-made dozens of costumes, backstage managed for three of the four shows, juggled the two dds who were in it and the one who doesn't dance. Now it's exam term and dd1 is doing six dance classes plus a singing lesson each week plus festivals. I can't really afford it, dd1 doesn't want to do anything else (like schoolwork) and it's making me really stressed .

You should be committed (to an asylum) imo after volunteering for all that (says she who is on the 'arts & crafts' bit of MN making a ballroom dress, so I have no right to talk)

Of course, just when I'm ready to chuck it all in dd1s singing teacher comes out and tells me how promising dd is and she's there actually looking happy for once so I paste the smile on and nod and say yes singing festivals would be great......

Hi KatyMac - I thought you'd managed to make life more manageable recently buy I see not reading this!

For us, it's seasonal - the term starts off looking ok then each term reaches a crescendo of music performances - because of all her diff groups it can be four performances in the space of a week for a couple of weeks. So just when I think we've got it under control, it all falls apart again and life gets manic. Lst term was particularly bad as she had extra shows in Cardiff which I hadn't planned for - two days apart with a London show in between. Putting lots of miles on the car.

But now the older two DC at uni, it feels calmer - only one child to ferry around. My most nightmare time was when both the girls did competitive ballroom and Latin dancing - four classes/team practices a week on top of everything else. I look back and seriously don't know how we did it. So DD's current music doesn't seem so bad ( even tho she was at school at 8 this morning to play in assembly and has a concert tonight too).