never being picked for any team / low self regard

[lins2]

Why do sports teachers fail to see the damage done to the kids that never get picked? My son will find out today that yet again he's not picked and the usual suspects will trot off, win their match, come back with medals and be congratulated in assembly as they always are. The others will have to sit there and clap while feeling they've failed again. Just not good enough. It's a hard lesson at 8/9 isn't it? I'm told it's life and life is tough. Well we all know that - but does the crap have to start at primary school? My son is dyspraxic and has made such huge progress. Can they not pick him just once?
They're so heartless. They only care about winning and all the other things they say are empty and meaningless.

Any advice? This is my first visit to Mumsnet - I just want to go get him and give him a cuddle.

oops fazed

Good luck with the Judo!

completely agree with you that it is crap though, me saying it (that last sentence) doesn't mean it is how I want it to be, I guess I just accept it...

My other son is dyspraxic (used to think he was "just clumsy", poor boy) and gets very upset about not being "top" for anything, so we'll see how he will fare....He has already started lobbying and accosts the sports teacher whenever he sees him, and tells him he expects to be put in the A team next year, and if he can have that in writing . My mum calls him "Little Obama" as he is such a politician. Anyway, back to the point OP: I agree with you, and hope you find a new, better school.

IMO a good school should find out, for EACH and EVERY child, what their strengths are, and then work with that! Every child is good at something.

I agree there should be more than one team as suggested above, An A team, B team and possibly C and D if there are enough kids interested. BUT, I also believe that the A team must contain the pick of the very best of those kids for that particular sport. They are competing against other schools and therefore need the kids that are most likely to win.

I've seen it from both sides, our school had a fabulous netball team last year that ended up winning the borough final. The netball teacher was under pressure to mix the team up this year and be all-inclusive with different abilities so everyone got a go, it has been a disaster.

Do you maybe think that the reason the A team boys are super confident, is because they're the kind of children that are great at sport?! Certainly the case where we are. DS1 goes to a very competitive grammar school and will not get in any teams there, so we make up for it at the weekend and he plays football and cricket there. He doesn't always make the team for cricket but that's life. He started playing when he was primary school age. You need to maybe findsomething he's better at and not worry about the school stuff.

As a sports coach who has worked both in clubs and in schools I have always advocated 'a game of three halves' - the outcome of the game/match is based on the first and third halves but in the middle half the kids who were not chosen for the 1st and 3rd halves get to have a game. When organising competitions I always try to have a 'Plate' which means teams knocked out in the first rounds get to play each other again in a parallel competition.

My specialist sport is athletics and I believe that EVERY child should have a go at this as there are so many areas that require different skills when we are talking about running, jumping and throwing, and each child can always make progress because they work against their own 'personal' best. I have always had smaller children doing 'continuous relays' with teams of around 8
children, so can mix abilities well and no one gets left out.

I feel that within these criteria the majority of children who WANT to take part (not those who are taking part because they are trying to please some one else), do make progress and ejoy themselves.

Just found this thread. It's close to my heart. I loved sport at infant school - was not great, but very enthusiastic. It took one term at Juniors for all my enthusiasm for sport to disappear and TBH I blame it for my lack of interest in anything sporty now I just can't get over my feelings of how rubbish I am to embarass myself

Roll forward X years and my dd is going through exactly the same thing I really can't understand why so many private schools manage to involve all children in sport, but state schools seem to miss the point so massively. I know the schools want the kudos of winning every event, but surely the health and fitness of the pupils should come first. If children do not participate in sports events right at the beginning, then they fall behind and then will never be selected/learn the techniques required etc etc. It makes me so and I really believe a change is needed.

For the OP, my dh is dyspraxic and found that he excelled at climbing and it really helped his coordination. He has climbed in the Pyrenees etc.

I was that child too, never picked, put me off sport for life. DD looks to be heading that way too.

However, I have gone on to find other avenues in life that I would never have considered. I work in a career that doesn't require a hugh amount of team work that other people hate because of that. And I am very independent because I learnt to be, through never being picked.

With DD we accidentally found a sporting activity, roller skating, that she can improve in at her own pace. It gives her lots of kudos with kids in school, because she can do it and they can't. We found a very good teacher and that has really helped bring on her confidence.

Hi SageMist

Yes my dd loves roller blading, ballet and swimming. All activities outside school. I'm determined she does as much exercise as possible and learns to love being fit and energetic, as I didn't do any sport at all bar PE.