DD spent 2 months in a choir; I just stopped her going [sad]

[KatyMac]

She has loved it; but she has to give up as she is doing way too much atm.

I feel bad I ever let her do it in the first place

She can always go back to it later, in 1, 2, 5, 10, 30 years. Was there a trigger for why you had her quit now and not wait a bit longer?

I let her because it was to be a hour a week for 6 weeks & a performance

It ended up being 2 hours twice a week & a load of performances

Does she do other things or was it only this that she as doing. How old is she?

Did you let her decide which activity she wanted to give up?

She is 14 & does:
Mon 1.5 hrs Ballet
Tues 1.5 hrs Contemporary
Wed 1.5 hrs Theatre
Thurs 1.5 hrs school Choir & 1.5 hrs drumming/music theory
Fri either .5 or 2.5 Ballroom/latin alternating
Sat 1 hr Ballroom/Latin, 1.5 hrs Ballet, 1.5 hrs Contemporary & 1 hr creative

I said it was either school or gospel choir not both

Love it :) Fab joke OP

I remember you posting before about how much she does and I'm sure you told her at the time of starting that is was a 'see how it goes' kind of thing. It's disappointing but she must have been expecting it.

stellar??

Katy - it's a shame, but there are only so many hours in the day. How is she doing with her school work now? (I mean after her sight problems before - not that she was ever doing badly!!).

Wow, you mean her DD really does ALL of the above.

[In shock]

And when exactly does she have time to relax? Oh Sunday. I see.

Yes I did warn her

School is OK - they let her off games to do GCSE homework as they 'think she does enough exercise'

I suppose she is doing about half what she would be as a top athlete even if you take into account the 5.5hrs of dance she does at school - maybe 12.5/13 hrs a week dance plus choir, theatre & drumming

She wants an extra 3 dance classes (in January) but I said no

She would like to give up school & go to a residential dance school but I said no to that too

She should have 2 dance free days a week - but we can't manage that

Why? You're in charge, you set what she does, surely?

I'm all for extra curricular activities but dont you think her doing something every night is a bit ott? Chance of burnout?

How does she fit in her homework for example?

Why are you against dance school if she is that dedicated? Is it the fees?

I think dance school is a good option - they are much better at ensuring the dance/school balance are met. Is it the cost?

I think she is doing too much - I think you need to speak to her dance teachers/school teachers before something gives

I can understand why you made her give something up (says she who is currently waiting for her 10 year old to finish a panto rehearsal that started at 1.30pm today and ends at 9.30pm and she has the same again tomorrow!)

Stellar - you have no idea what it is like to have a child so dedicated - Katymac's dd auditioned for a highly competitive dance scheme that is meant for the truly dedicated. You can;t hold children like that back.

If it is any consolation the senior girls at dd's dance school do a imilar amount - some go to a highly academic grammar school too.

A 14 year old at ds's taekwondo class trains for at least 2 hours 6 days a week plus comps and sometimes extra sessions on a Sunday - she is aiming for the next olympics.

They seem to cope.

surely with her sight problems though it would have been better to have let her relax for a couple of years

it's almost like she was under too much pressure

You can;t hold children like that back.

sure;y you can if they lose their sight and no one gets to the bottom of it?

I remember Katymac saying on another thread that her dd has had no health problems since starting the extra dance as it makes her happy

DD is (predominantly) healthy atm but we are monitoring it (both school, dance school & the GP) - her sight seems OK again atm - it appears to have been a 'glitch' but who knows.

Dance school would be ideal but it would be residential & I'm not sure I could cope tbh

How much she does (wrt dance) is controlled by the dance school & they are watching all the children carefully for burn-out. It's one of the big issues (along with eating disorders) but there is a "Long Term Athlete Development model" which we are working too which proposes the 'ideal' level of training for optimum development and fitness levels while preventing injury. It's not a 'dance school' in a village hall or even a studio it's a large professional organisation, she auditioned for it, won a place and DD gets full grant funding for her time there.

You guys aren't saying anything I haven't said but the simple fact is that she 'has' to dance; it's an emotional/psychological/physical need

She went to a concert/gig on Saturday at the Arts Centre in the city & she ended up dancing on stage (it's now on You-tube) - this is bigger than "DD likes dancing"

I may be wrong supporting her like this but atm the best advisers I have say it's what I need to do only time will say whether they were right or not.

Residential dance schools are currently being researched but it's a massive step I'd like to leave until she is 16

I had to go & look that up and being very honest I don't think she is yet, but she might be one day

Sorry, really NOT getting it!

DD v talented an wants to go to a specialist school?
She's taking on ALOT of extra curricular activities.
But you are putting your needs above your daughters? ( you say you would find it too hard)

In a sense, I agree with you, would find it hard too. But OP, the real question is, what is the best decision for the health, happiness and probable future career of your DD.

Letting her go to a specialist school would be gifting her an amazing opportunity.

I wish you both well :)

Katy - I can totally see why you think the school isn't a good idea yet. It's a shame it has to be residential. I know a girl who did it as a day pupil (not in the UK), though she may as well have been residential for the amount of time she spent at home!! and although she didn't make it professinal in the end, she had a brilliant time & was very successful in comps and semi pro theatre. She's a dance teacher now and doesn't regret it for a second. She didn't do very well academically, but I think that was just her and not due to the school - lots of the other girls did reasonably well, with a couple doing exceptionally well.

It's a shame she had to give up the choir - but something clearly had to give didn't it.

There's no way I'd stop a child doing this (or similar) or see it as pressure or 'not having time to relax' - if they want to do it and they aren't being pushed into it by 'ballet mothers' then why not?? Seems madness that some people are suggesting she shouldn't be allowed to do it?!

Because chipping it's important that children spend time being children!

However I agree re: day school, not a possibility?

We have been looking but at £5.5k per term it's out of our reach unless she gets a scholarship; which tbh she probably won't because I have only taken it seriously since the summer - before that it was a bit of fun, so not enough training

But I'll keep looking - she deserves as much as I an manage