Give up ?

[FighterLoser]

I've been doing a martial arts for a few years and love certain aspects of it but we have to spar. I don't mind sparring but I'm a middle aged woman and I will never be anything other than medioca. This is ok with me but the class is made up of teenagers and men who are far faster and taller and the instructor insists I spar them, instead of the one other middle aged woman in the class.

I come away feeling defeated and shit. I simply can't improve when I don't have time to think and spend my time being punched and kicked. I learn far more when I'm with the other woman or some of the older men because we are evenly matched and can try techniques out.

I'm wondering whether the teaching methods and me are not matched and the classes are for younger people.

A hobby should be enjoyable right? Not have you walk away feeling out of control and inferior?

I'll feel defeated if I give up but not sure I can do some of these lessons.

I don't do martial arts but one of the things I love about my sport (powerlifting) is that whilst we're all there together we're competing against others like us in sex/weight/age. So we can all admire each other's achievements within context. If I had to try and lift the same as men or heavier, younger women all the time I wouldn't feel very valued. So what you're doing sounds very frustrating to me. But I don't know if that is widespread in the sport or something specific to your classes? What does the trainer say when you raise it?

If I entered the competitions I'd compete against those in my category. The instructor says its how we learn but I learn faster when I can actually try the techniques out with those I'm more matched with. The other woman feels the same.

I'm afraid I know nothing about martial art, but I do know a fair amount about working out with quite heavy dumbbells. I'd highly recommend it as it is sooooo empowering!!

Try it - it might lift your spirits. And increase your muscle mass and leanness, and your strength, which i imaginewouldcome in handy with the martialart training.

Have a look at Caroline Girvan on YouTube - she's the best online trainer I have come across, and she has changed my life! (Start with Epic Beginners. )

You need to find a better class. Your instructor sounds like a dickhead!

Can you tell him it's making you feel like quitting? Give him a chance to sort it.

Ask the tutor to change up your partners

I think look around for a different class. You should be able to switch to a different discipline fairly easily. It's meant to be fun! I did a jujitsu for a while, then gradually realised that all the adrenaline from being scared that if I missed the block the guy would really hurt me was stressing me so much that it didn't balance the benefit of the exercise. If you want self defence, go to a specialist women's self defence class. If you want exercise, find something you enjoy more

I'd find a different class. It's the teaching/ partnering that's the problem rather than the actual activity.

I am going to be trying another combat sport out. I spoke with them last week and they don't force full contact at all.

I will speak with my instructor first because I like the people in the class and would actually like to learn to spar but the methods aren't working. When someone is 30 years younger their speed and agility is insane. I'd never appreciated how much age makes you more cautious and slower.

I use to do weights 15 - 20 years ago and find it enjoyable but I'm under 5 foot and didnt like the way my shoulders bulked up quickly - it looked odd on my frame. I have a V shape. I do use them at home but not with the purpose to life very heavy.

If you like weights you can do it in ways that won't make your shoulders bigger. It can be easy to do everything too much in your shoulders (I used to) rather than using other muscles but a PT can help sort that out. Also training for strength rather than hypertrophy makes a difference in muscle growth.

training for strength rather than hypertrophy makes a difference in muscle growth.

Very true!

Feel very deflated this morning about it! I'm at the belt which is the belt most people quit at.

Can you do more classes a week, maybe in different disciplines? It might be partly a practice thing and that you're at a really hard stage to step over to the next level. There may be a reason everyone quits at this level: tralent, commitment, natural aggression, fitness, build. It might be nothing to be ashamed of. Can you stay at this belt and do it more as a hobby?

I don't understand why everyone on here is obsessed with pushing weights. I'd find it so boring working out on my own and don't have any interest in looking muscular. No one would suggest tennis as the solution to every fitness problem, so why weights?!

Not all martial arts places are the same. My sensei is a woman who is older than me which helps. It's really inclusive. I am not keen on sparring but I push myself to do it in the run up to a grading. I do sometimes partner with men but find they hold back (thankfully). Teenagers not so much! Are there other clubs you could try?

@StamppotAndGravy - all i can say that I am one of thousands, millions and even, whose lives have been transformed by working out with dumbbells while following Caroline Girvan. Check her out. Her workouts - free on YouTube - are anything but boring. Weight and resistance training increases fitness and bone health in ways that other activities cannot. I've been doing at least 4 of her workouts a week for about 3 years and it has been literally life-changing. I'm sure there are other great trainers, but her workouts are well planned, professional and challenging.

@HaHabberdasheryAddict you've rather proved my point about the weights fanaticism I'm a triathlete and dancer. It's great that you enjoy it but for me it sounds horrendous and doesn't meet any of the requirements I have for exercise. I suspect you'd feel the same about swimming in a muddy lake in the winter or prancing about in your drawers in front of a group

@StamppotAndGravy I mentioned it cos the OP says she enjoyed weights but there was a barrier to her using them that I could see a way through (And cos they're the best thing ever, life changing, and I'm definitely fanatical)

Out of my cold dead hands... 😅

@HabberdasheryAddict 😍😍😍

And I raise you

😎😂😍

@FighterLoser which aspects of the martial art do you enjoy?

It sounds like you're doing a striking martial art. Would you consider grappling instead? Something like Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu? Most of them do use sparring a lot, but if you choose a large club there should be enough people of your age/size to train with.

The idea is that smaller individuals with good technique can out-grapple larger, stronger opponents (in practice, stronger people will win if evenly matched on technique).

I like all the aspects I just don't learn when faced with people far faster and agile. It's likely I wouldn't mind so much when my skill improves but it won't improve unless I am partnered with people where I can actually get to try some techniques out. The instructors view of teaching isn't compatible with my view of how I want to learn.

Tbh if I won the lottery and had more time I'd take up BJJ because the moment a striking martial artist is taken to the floor, they tend to lose.

My experience of Judo is that the massively better partner eases up their methods when facing someone much smaller/slower, etc . It's learning for them too. The instructor should set the tone for how to do this, how everyone helps each other in the learning process ; the "better" person can practice technique not strength & speed at such moments.

I think you're saying you very often spar with the woman you see as your peer, but you also regularly spar with the stronger/more agile class members. And that there aren't actually any older men present.

I'm with your instructor, you want to spar with a variety, not only the exact same person very time. You will not get better by being matched against only with someone whose style you will get to know too well. it is also good that you get out of your comfort zone. Martial arts is all about keeping your head when out of your comfort zone.

Are there actually "older men" in your class you can spar with? If you have another class to easily go to which is stock full of suitable older men & peer-women than fair enough, go there.

So two months later and we've just had a sparring class and for the first time I sat out for the last 15 minutes and couldn't make myself go back in. Just thought, "I'm not doing it'. Everyone is so much faster and i was getting battered.

Did start another type last week and had planned to do both to see if I could get over my plateau but I just crashed tonight.

I don't know why I'm having a hard time giving it up.