I just want to be left alone!

[Puncturedbicycle85]

Hi, I’m not sure I’m being over sensitive but it’s starting to annoy me. I am a member of a gym and go about 4 times a week. I do mainly weights when I am there. About a month ago, this guy who is a trainer at the gym came up to me and told me my squat form was bad. I did appreciate the pointers and have taken them on board. However, since then, I have been aware of him all the time. He is there every time I am there and even when he is with other clients, he will be looking over. If he needs more plates for his client, he comes to my squat rack to get them, even though there are another couple of empty ones in between. Yesterday he told me that I should use bumper plates rather than normal ones for my barbell deadlift (the main reason I didn’t was because the bumper plates were located just where he was training his client). I just nodded and got on with it. He had this chat with me while doing a training session with someone else. I never invite interaction and try to avoid him if I see him.

i know good form is important but mine isn’t that bad and I’m happy with what I am doing! I’m not seeking to get a PT at the moment and I don’t think I am doing anything dangerous or that will injure me. Is it too much to ask to be left alone? I feel really self conscious now doing movements because I know he is watching.

He has also explained one of his “tips” with “I just wanted to explain what you were doing wrong and that’s why you’re not getting any results” which I found quite offensive. How does he know if I am getting results?

by the way, im not suggesting that he fancies me or anything. I think he wants me to sign up for training and on his IG page he is always saying he has spaces for clients (apparently he specialises in women’s fitness). I just don’t want to do that and just want to be left in peace and feel like I’m not being scrutinised. Ugh. The gym chain has a branch near my boyfriend’s house so maybe I should change to that one instead.

YANBU to want to be left alone. He clearly isn’t getting the subtle hints so you either need to be firmer with him directly, speak to the gym manager about his approaches or just use the other branch. I’d suggest option 1, be firmer with him first. If that doesn’t work then try 2, then 3.

Thanks for your advice. I will try being firmer - I’m a bit nervous of confrontation. I just wish people didn’t do stuff like this. You might think you’re being helpful but you could be spoiling someone else’s experience.

Well he might fancy you ! I work out with a PT and we see people around us all the time with poor form and he doesn’t feel compelled to go over and correct their form. I think some of these guys think all they need to have to be good at their job is knowledge of the exercises when in fact having good manner with people is half the battle. I think you’re probably being overly polite as women are conditioned to be and the PP is probably correct with her advice.

Can you imagine the response if you went up to him and gave him some pointers while he was training someone? “Did you know that women who are not paying for your sessions do not want your unsolicited opinions about their bodies?”, ”Do you know that a lot of women change gyms because they feel like they can’t workout without being harassed by men?”

“Thanks for your suggestions but I have such limited time at the gym, I really like to just crack on quietly and do my own thing without any interference”

Just to play devils advocate here, you say he works as a trainer in the gym, and you are training in the gym, it's literally his job to help people train. It may be that he's noticed your form was bad once and is trying to keep an eye on you to prevent you from injuring yourself and encourage you.

Is he employed by the gym?

If so, I think I would either speak to the manager at the gym or if they aren't around, send an email to say that you are not happy with his approach and he is disturbing your workout to advertise his services.

He will almost certainly be doing this to other people too and he won't know who complained.

It's totally inappropriate for him to approach other customers at the gym when they're working out, he should be focussing on his own clients.

Thanks for all your responses, some of them made me laugh! In answer to questions, he works out of the gym but I think technically he is self employed. But I would disagree that it’s his job to watch/correct my form - that would be the case if I had paid for a session with him. And there are several other trainers there and not one has offered me tips or even spoken to me whereas this guy is there all the time, lurking and then coming up saying “can I borrow some of these plates” (when there are dozens of other spare plates closer to him, not on the rack I happen to be using).

agree that there is an element of sexism. I doubt very much that he’d approach a guy this way (but then again he doesn’t train any guys 😂). And it’s not having the desired effect because feeling nervous and self-conscious isn’t helping me perform the lifts any better.

Good tip to email the manager. I will be really standoffish next time and if he still doesn’t stop then I will send an email.

Can you wear ear buds and just ignore him so when he does come over you can make a really big deal about taking them out,making him wait until you have etc?

I do wear ear buds! But I should probably make a bigger deal about taking them out…
Ugh, another thing he says is “what move are you trying to do there?” when it’s pretty obvious what I’m doing and the “trying” part just makes me feel like crap, a bit like the you’re not getting results stuff.

He sounds utterly obnoxious. If you were doing something obviously dangerous (to you or to the equipment) then it would be right for him to say something. But even another gym-goer would be right to say something if you were about to garrotte yourself with a bar. Other than that, he should leave well alone. Comments on why you are not getting results and asking what you are trying to do are totally out of order. Either tell him to stop speaking to you or tell the gym management. Or, when he asks what you are trying to do, just invent some non-existent exercise like the Intrusive Jerk and stare very hard at him.

Outside the UK and there's a general expectation gym staff will monitor people aren't doing anything potentially harmful. There'll be an individual induction and the possibility of follow-ups from time to time free of charge, separately from PT arrangements. So nothing unusual there.
What does sound off is the getting weights from the rack you're at when there are nearer options.

Ugh undermining twat.

”No more feedback please. I come here to work out and switch off so from now on I would appreciate you leaving me to it! Thanks, have a good day.”

He'd never do this to another man so he's either being super patronising or he's attempting to flirt.

I hate this shit. If you are rude then you’re the bitch, even though they don’t take the hint. He knows you are ignoring him and trying to be minimal in your responses and he isn’t respecting that.

I think saying very firmly "I'll let you know if I need any feedback but I don't right now" ear buds back in and zone out and ignore him. What a creep. If that doesn't work complain very firmly to the gym.

You are placating him way too much. When he approaches you again, don't take your earbuds out.

I've found a brisk "excuse me please" whilst continuing what I'm doing (reading, working out, whatever) does the job with men like this. They usually slink off.

I had this. 2 different gyms two different blokes. Thing is I was already self conscious to start with and I found it really hard to enjoy myself if I knew they were around after they approached me more than once. I gave up on strength training in the end and just stuck to cardio . Don’t be me!

I think saying very firmly "I'll let you know if I need any feedback but I don't right now" ear buds back in and zone out and ignore him.

I think this is the best advice so far

Be ‘rude’

I don’t want your input. Repeat, repeat.

Be prepared to be called a bitch.

You don’t owe this or any man your time.

That makes me really annoyed that you gave up strength training because of some douche. I feel the same though - thinking of moving gym because of it. I just can’t relax or if I am doing dumbbells i will go and stand in a corner, out of his sight line 😔 So sad that women are giving up on exercising because of intrusive men.

i like the Intrusive Jerk advice 😆. I need to stop being nice but it’s so true that this will make me come off as the bitch while this dude was just trying to help (FYI he has never pointed out anything I do that is dangerous, the squat comments at the beginning were about not going deep enough).

I am perfecting my resting bitch face for tomorrow 😁
And if you are a man reading this, just don’t try this sort of crap please.

Look if you’re worried about confrontation then next time it happens just say look mate thanks for the advice but I much prefer to be left to get on with it.

put the ear buds back in and turn away,

There is literally nothing rude or controversial about saying "excuse me" and continuing what you're doing.

Honestlt, roll your eyes as you pull out your earbuds and say “What is it this time?” Or “What now?!?!” and then “Really? FFS….” Under your breath once he’s answered.