How do you fit in exercise if your partner works erratic hours?

[Llamasally]

I’m getting so frustrated. I need to consistently do specific exercises & strength training to manage an ongoing back issue, but I am really struggling with motivation for at home work outs. I also always get disturbed!

But my DH is completely erratic at the moment with his work - for example this week has been gone at 6am and back at it as soon as the kids are in bed. It’s out of home working which means I’m trapped in the house whenever I’m not working myself. Local ILs not terribly forthcoming with any babysitting, my parents are a long way away.

I just feel like it’s an uphill battle which I can’t win to try to sort out my own physical fitness. My back hurts less when I can consistently do what I’m supposed to. The obvious answer is to do it when the kids have gone to bed but youngest DC is waking every night at the moment so by 9am (like now!) I’m just knackered and can just about do the laundry and pack nursery bags etc before collapsing into bed :( same applies to pre 6am workouts, I’m really tired.

Anyone have any ideas or inspiration as to how they manage in a similar situation? Other than being able to magic up another few hours of evening energy?

What do you do while they're at nursery?

Can you reduce hours a bit so you're not working the whole time? Or exercise in a lunch break? Or finish half hour earlier?

I can't rely on DH to cover me, I use paid childcare time.

My DH works shifts and has been doing overtime while I’m on mat leave averaging 50 hours a week so I’m absolutely there with how knackering it is when everything falls to you!

Firstly, why is he working so much? Is it short term? What’s the benefit? Unless he earns an absolute fuckton of money enabling you to buy in whatever help you need, he does not need to work these hours and needs to scale back to a sensible level. If he does earn a fuckton of money, either join a spendy gym with a crèche or put DC into some form of childcare a few times a week.

In our house we have agreed we both get 2 exercise sessions guaranteed, of around 90 mins each session. That’s long enough for me to do a longish run and it’s long enough for a gym session for DH. We will both try and squeeze an extra session where possible but usually this means once a week we work out together at home as our “extra” session once the kids are in bed, which I hated at first but now really like as we help each other and we can chat while we do it.

This exercise is not negotiable, it’s to keep you pain free and functioning. Your DH needs to do more to prioritise it.

Also make sure you train both weekend days, at least that gives you a headstart on the week.

How old are the kids? Once they get to about 2, you can park them on devices for half an hour while you work out at home in the same room. It's what YouTube Kids was invented for. At least it is in my world. Then, when able, I would work out 6.30 - 7 am. I fall out of bed into my workout clothes, which literally on the end of the bed and just do it. I wake up while I'm doing it. And ANYTHING is better than nothing, even just 10 mins. Plus once you get going you are more likely do it again. I try to alternate high intensity with yoga so the timeslot stays part of my routine even when I don't want to do a high intensity workout daily.

When the kids were 18 months or so, I would get cuddles when I went down for ab crunches. My plank still makes the perfect bridge to go under (apparently). But from about 2, they are old enough to be told that this is really important time for Mummy and she can't be interuppted unless for very important reasons. Especially if you have an older child who can be roped in to fix minor issues. Your health impacts the whole family and you can all work as a team to resolve it. I would have no qualms about this. It won't work out every single time, but even 70% is better than nothing.

I cannot help with the exhaustion issue. I have had periods where working out was basically impossible due to exhaustion. But, when I am even close to tired I cannot do evenings. Only mornings work for me.

Work is pretty hectic so I’m generally doing that! But maybe that’ll be the best option as you suggest, then it’s during paid childcare time

@Flangeosaurus love the username 🤣

he’s self employed and it’s necessary at the moment unfortunately. There are no gyms with a crèche within 1.5 hours of me - that would be amazing! Childcare time is currently when I’m at work, I am the higher earner and can’t cut back. I am thinking as another PP suggested to steal some work time though, I think this is the only real solution

@MamaSharkington totally with you re evenings!

the DC are 12 months and just 3. When they wake up early that’s it I have no chance of doing it, if they stay asleep until 6.30-7 ish I can fit something in but it’s not that predictable. Agree though anything is better than nothing. It’s just getting me down I guess

Also I'm sure I'll get flamed for this but I also steal work time when working from home. Eg If I don't have meetings til 11am I go to gym after drop off. Or run at lunch time which inevitably means taking more than an hour. Bit naughty I know but I'm sick of putting everything else first. I make up my hours in an evening if there is something important which needs doing. Obviously this only works in certain roles with autonomy and No management!

Why is your partner working such antisocial hours if you're the higher earner? That seems like something to address to me. Is he "working" so much to hide from family life? 1&3yo is prime age for that in my experience - long enough for the novelty to have worn off and him be sick of the drudgery. Maybe he needs a reminder that working should benefit the family, not just be an excuse to remove himself from it.

I do Les Mills on demand either half an hour on my lunch time when I’m working from home or after bedtime.

there are loads of brilliant workouts at half an hour or longer ones when you have more time.

when I workout after bedtime it’s really hard to motivate myself as I can’t start until about 9. But once I’ve done it I feel fantastic!

U tube 30 minute exercise videos low impact so no need to shower.