Bulky shoulders and neck from weights - How to reduce?

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Last summer I started to do some short workouts with weights at home (Caroline Girvan's Epic workouts on Youtube if that's relevant).
I loved them - around 30 minutes workout 5 times a week. Mostly using weights (one cardio or HIIT). Most weeks since then I've used them, so around five months. I've upped the weights from 3 to 5kg for arms and 8kg for legs.
I love that I'm stronger; my legs are more firm; my waist is a little smaller (though still very flabby...).
However, my issue is that my shoulders have got huge! Particularly the part at the base and around my neck (trapezius?). It looks so bulky. And I have a strapless dress to wear for my wedding soon. My upper half is not looking good in the strapless right now!

Any suggestions of how I can fix this? Get that 'long and lean' look instead of short and bulky. I'm a short person anyway, so I'll never be willowy and slender, I'm not looking for that. But I would like my neck and shoulders to look leaner in this dress.
Please help!
Should I reduce weights? Stop doing upper body workouts (might just get more flabby)? Do more reps with lower weight or fewer reps with higher weight? (I'm reading conflicting information on this online)
Thanks so much!

I'm a short person anyway, so I'll never be willowy and slender

Sorry, but I think this is a big part of it.

Also, a toned look is always going to be better that not-toned, even if you think you look bulky. But you probably don't actually look bulky really.

Do you have a stretching practice? Could you start to put in a Pilates or yoga class at least once a week?

And how is your everyday posture? Do you slouch at your desk, or sit/walk with your chin forward?

You could look at the very funny, but very useful YouTube channel of physiotherapists Bob and Brad - they have some good stuff for straightening out your neck, and correcting the "dowager's hump" in the cervical spine.

Pilates will help. But you will need to do it 3-4 times a week. Ideally initially with a private instructor to really learn to do the exercises properly

Have you really gained that much muscle from some home workouts? Sounds unlikely. I expect it's just your shape and you can see it better if you've dropped some body fat.

Yeah you definitely haven't gained muscle with 5kg weights. Try to make peace with your body, it's your friend.

I've been weight training for years and find it very hard to believe someone could bulk out from home workouts with 3-5kg weights.

Could you get a second opinion about your shoulders from a friend?

I do weight training regularly and have been for over a year, and do a lot of upper body for pull ups. I'm definitely not 'bulky' so it can't be as bad as you think with those weights.

Even if you are I'd see it as impressive and definitely nothing to be ashamed about.

@catfunk

I've been weight training for years and find it very hard to believe someone could bulk out from home workouts with 3-5kg weights.

I agree. Those are very light weights to have built any significant muscle, especially in only 5 months. For women especially, it takes a hell of a lot of hard work in the gym and a ton of planning around food to put on muscle.

I've worked alongside a natural female bodybuilder, over about 10 years of hard work she had managed to build up a respectable amount of muscle. Even then it wasn't much but in order to maintain that muscle her whole life revolved around food, fully prepped and at regular intervals. It was practically a second job for her!

Even men struggle, that's why every men's fitness magazine has the next sure fire way of "building muscle" because it's a dream men are chasing but isn't always that easy to achieve.

Perhaps work on your posture, if you're hunching your shoulders and your muscles have got tight from working out/computer work. Pilates, yoga or general mobility work can help with that but it won't give you long, willowly limbs if you don't already have them.

It might be that you've lost fat and it has revealed your natural shape it bit more. In which case, be proud of your muscle. Don't try to fight against your own body type, that way lies misery.

I'm sorry you are not happy with your results. But it is almost inconceivable that at that frequency and amount of weight you have bulked your muscle hugely more than it was already. As others have said, maybe you can see the muscle definition more if you have lost weight and if your midriff has got smaller then it will emphasise your shape.

5 kg is a very modest weight, there is no way it could bulk you up.
I do think you are just seeing normal muscle definition being revealed, and being very critical because wedding dress etc. Try and focus on what you want to look like overall on your wedding day - no one is going to be focusing on your neck.

Try some ballet type exercises for arms. You never see a ballerina with big arms and shoulders. I think this happened to me ages ago from working on a rowing machine at the gym.

A concerted effort with a pirates instructor would help I think. I am tall, but broad and do a physical job. When I did alot of pirates, a couple of people described me as willowy.
Actually, an after thought, I have realpronounced shoulder/ neck muscles these days, it's from years of lifting small children with a core that doesn't work well due to diastasis recti. Basically all the effort goes through my upper back/ neck and jaw. I wonder if you haven't been using you core strength correctly during these workouts?

Pirates? Thanks for that my phone!

Made, 5 kg is nothing

Another one saying there is no way you would get that bulky with those weights. You have probably lost some weight and it’s just looking different to how it was. I’m sure you look fab.

There is no way you can have bulked that much with 3-5kg handweights, NO WAY, especially traps.

You're either the hulk's offspring or have some issues around body image.

I'm not sure a pirates instructor would be that helpful. Very difficult to find outside Dover.

I agree with comments above that 3-5kg isn’t enough to significantly build muscle esp on shoulders

More likely that your posture is affected or that you’re shrugging your shoulders too much on movements

Would you be happy to share a picture? I'm sure you don't look bulky.

Would a shrug help you feel more comfortable?

@catfunk

I've been weight training for years and find it very hard to believe someone could bulk out from home workouts with 3-5kg weights.

Absolutely this.

Yeah I really don’t believe you’ve built muscle with 5kg weights. If you have co sister taking up and competing in bodybuilding, you’d be a natural.

Have you lost fat and the muscle is more obvious perhaps?

If you’ve lost fat, then your upper traps (I think that’s what you’re referring to) might be more visible, especially if your collar bones are more pronounced now. Ditto if your bust and upper chest are leaner. So it might be your perception and your traps are just more toned.

Oh and to answer your question, don’t do exercises that work your traps. Make sure you don’t use your traps when eg you should be pulling your shoulder blades together. Just some thoughts.

Wow, so many responses, I hadn't expected so many and I am so grateful to you all - thank you.

I am ridiculously pleased that you're all universally telling me that 5kg weights could not build muscle/bulk phew this is a relief! So I can happily continue with the 5/8kg weights without stressing too much. ok, no excuses, got to get back on the exercise programme!

I will also give pilates a go - I've never done it before, just tried one video from YouTube which seemed a bit like a core / abs session? Would that be right? Anyone got any favourite pilates instructors online? I'll also have a look for classes nearby. I don't think I can manage 3 classes a week, but I'll aim for 2 to begin with. Thanks for the recommendation on this! Seems like a lot of you agree.

@LaChanticleer @CloseYourEyesAndSee and others, you are all right.
I am of a short and stocky build, and I need to come to terms with that. Honestly, 99.9% of the time I am content with my body shape, but this bloomin' dress has me second guessing myself. I'm slightly regretting the dress neckline... It looks great from the front, not so much from the back .

@RJnomore1 @Nevilleslongbottom thanks for the kind thoughts that I've lost weight - haven't lost on the scales, but my body is a bit smaller, which is why I thought I'd lost fat and gained muscle.
With my neck, you're all right, I think scrutinizing it in the mirror / TV as I work out has made me look at it more closely and notice things which I haven't before. I have a very defined 'slope' from neck down to shoulderblades, and then a definite 'dip' where my bra straps lie. It's not a smooth nor level shoulderline. But then that's my shape, and I need to make peace with that.

@reallyworriedjobhunter, thanks, I could consider a shrug - I'll keep that as a back up plan. But I'm going to try to be happy in the dress first, just the way I am.

@Deux, this is useful - for exercises like rows and RDLs, I should be pulling my shoulder blades together, and so not feeling it in my traps, is that right? Maybe also for shoulder presses?
I do wonder if my posture isn't quite right for some exercises and this is exaggerating it. I will go back to the start and recheck how I do each exercise.

@Thissucksmonkeynuts@Ahoyashipg, I'd love a pirates instructor , wonder if I can find one of those down my local docks...

Everyone, thanks for the pep talk! This was just what I needed. You're amazing.

@catfunk

I've been weight training for years and find it very hard to believe someone could bulk out from home workouts with 3-5kg weights.

I bulked out quite quickly from just doing the 30 day shred with 3kg weights i am 5ft 8 and was lean at the time and it was a noticeable, obvious, fast change. As much as I loved doing weights I wasn't entirely happy with the way that looked on me OP so I can relate.

A couple of years and some health issues later I cannot do weights. I have been doing yoga for months and can see the difference in my muscle tone - yes I look more toned and stronger but it's a much more gentle shape and more forgiving and natural-looking if you have pockets of fat like I do.

So to sum up if you want to change the look of the neck / shoulder area for your wedding I would use yoga and pilates for your upper body.