Am I obsessed with running?

[Randomuser99]

Beginning of the year decided I needed to lose some weight (5' 8 and 16st) got really into swimming at the gym and would actively try and swim before or after work.

Gym obviously closed at lockdown so I started running and really, really enjoy it. Started on C25k, and can now run 20 mins without stopping (small achievement really but huge for me!)

I notice my mental well being is so much better if I run for just 30 mins a day. But fitting it in seems to be getting harder, mainly because dh seems to think I would rather run than spend time with him.

He works shifts, we have 2 children (7&5) so there's school runs to fit in, housework, his shifts and I wfh full time (wfh since lockdown)

He's accused me of being obsessed. I jusy enjoy it and feel better for doing it.

Should also add i have lost 3 stone since the beginning of the year.

I dont think you're obsessed, you just sound like you genuinely enjoy it and it makes you feel good!

Exercise only really turns toxic when you find yourself viewing it as something you absolutely have to do in order to burn calories, justify eating, think positively of yourself etc. etc.

In my opinion you sound like you have a very healthy relationship with running! And a running obsession is definitely better than my chocolate one....

When I clicked on this I thought you were going to say you were out of the house doing 50 miles a week! As far as I am concerned, daily exercise should be just something that happens - whether that’s some yoga, a dog walk, a run, your choice. But it’s always going to be at least half an hour and to object to someone taking that time for themself is v v unreasonable! For context, DH and I occasionally play tennis together and may very occasionally run together but mostly we exercise separately and are out doing our own thing for at least two hours a couple of times a week - keeps us all happy!

Well done on 20 mins btw! That’s a big step on c25k

You don't sound obsessed and I'm a runner myself.

When he says you're not spending time with him does he mean you're turning down a glass of wine together in favour of a run, or does he mean that you're just not in the house?

I've started getting up at 5:30 or so to get my runs in before work and that way we can have an evening together. Is that an option?

30 mins out each day is very healthy for mind and body, especially when you are in all day with constant family.

If you're running races/ travelling the world to do parkrun challenges every week, or regular 4 hour runs that would be different.

Or as a pp said, measuring your life by calories in/ calories out.

Fitting in 30 minutes cardio exercise a day is not obsessive.

It is recommended, to have a healthy heart.

I don’t think that sounds obsessed. 30 minutes a day isn’t much time to be away, it’s hardly like you’re away for hours and hours! Is he jealous about you getting the time out of the house or something though - is there something else underlying this?

I run as well btw and well done on your running, C25K is great! It got me going too last year 👍 Keep it up!

Let me guess.... he doesn’t do anything fitness related?

He’s jealous

My exdh became a bit like this towards the end (err to clarify the split was not running related I'm not suggesting it's that bad ) , he really resented me enjoying something and it being for me and me alone. He has actually admitted this since and recognised in his eyes it was a sign I was pulling away when in fact it was healthy to have separate interests. He has admitted since he was resentful because he didn't feel he had anything similar. Does he have anything that is just for him? I don't mean that it should be quid pro quo in terms of time , more that he may realise the benefits.

Either or he needs to support something that is so beneficial for you , 30 minutes a day is more than reasonable for you to take for yourself. You don't sound obsessed at all, plus I absolutely maintain running makes me a better mum and partner because of the effect on my mental health.

He should be supporting you. Not making you feel guilty. You must work incredibly hard with two children and a full time job. He should be proud of you. My kids were that age when I ran a marathon. Training is intense and DP never begrudged it. But he does (did) a fair amount of squash and golf. I think your DP needs to get his thing and stop being an arse. Then you can support each other.

I could have written your post 10 years ago OP. Think my DP was jealous.

I don't think this is about you not spending time with him. After all, it's only 30 minutes.

Could it be insecurity? He's worrying that his newly fit wife will find someone else, that you'll no longer be interested in him? I think he might be blaming you for how he's feeling about himself.

Your H is being U!

Congratulations on your weight loss and exercising. Continue doing it.

Has your H suggested any constructive ways to spend more time together?

Exercise is a v high priority for me for physical and MH reasons.

My Dad got obsessed with running to the extent that if he couldn't run for some reason he would be in a foul mood. He insisted on running most days on holiday and on Christmas day.

I love running but not to that extent!

I think the buzz you get after a run can be addictive.

Half an hour a day is a perfectly reasonable amount of time to want to have to yourself for whatever. And running is a good way to spend it!

Is he unhappy because when you go out for 30mins (totally fine in my eyes as pp have said) he has to step up and look after the kids?

I also thought you were going to say an hour a day or more. Or spending every weekend doing marathons. Half an hour a day is not much at all. When do you run? As in what time of day?

God forbid you have THIRTY MINUTES a day to yourself. I mean, selfish or what?

Don't let him take this away from you!

He doesn’t like you losing weight, gaining confidence, and doing something for yourself.

Or perhaps I’m too cynical. Is he lovely?

Irrespective crack on with the running. You are nowhere near being unreasonable.

Amazing comparing this to all those MN posts about DHs and their “hobby” taking up inordinate amounts of otherwise family time while their wives juggle tiny children.

My DH feels very strongly that I should tell you that you are not obsessed and that you should be so proud. He runs for 10 hours a week 30 minutes a day is not unreasonable at all and so good for you in the long term- well done! So pleased you're enjoying it xxx

Doesn't sound obsessed to me.

I've been running for years and the majority of my friends I have met through running and know many many more runners. So I do know a small number that are obsessed. You are not.

Surely going out for a 30 min run is less time away than going for a swim or to the gym.

Well done to you! And shame on DH for suggesting your engagement with self improvement is unhealthy. As others have said he does sound jealous. I run 50 miles a week and it has taken 21 years of being together for my exercise-reluctant DH to understand that isn't being obsessive in my world, it is what it takes to get fitter, faster and more competitive. I have run 70 mpw when marathon training but have friends who regularly do 100mpw in training and they do this because it gets them fitter and faster.

Physical benefits aside, regular training is consistently proven to have a better effect on eg chronic depression than medication.

Obsession or an unhealthy relationship with anything is when continuing with it is to your detriment. So I know many runners who still push on with a run when injured and just ignore it and hope for the best. Exercise addiction is not yet classified as a mental illness but given orthorexia has been for some time, I think it will just be a matter of time before we see it being addressed by health professionals.