Any ideas how to stop feeling so self conscious? Gym and c25k

[YorkshireBelle2019]

Hi all!

I have started exercising again after putting on a lot of weight through epilepsy medication (I need to lose about 4.5 stone and am a size 16 to 18).

I've been at the gym and started c25k but can't shake off the feeling of exercise not being for me, being the kid who was crap at sport and always being yelled at in PE again.

When I was running in the park yesterday, I was just waiting for someone to laugh at me. Also at the gym, i daren't go in the weights section now as I feel that the super fit people in there, or even those who are just confident in what they're doing will somehow start behaving like school bullies or judging me.

Even when I was slim and quite fit, i felt self conscious although I did do weights at the gym.

I know rationally that most other people are not interested in what I'm doing. I just feel kind of vulnerable and exposed!!

Has anyone ever felt like this when starting out, and how did you overcome it??

Thanks

I'm fat as well. I've just said to myself - who cares? My wobbly arse runs round the park and woods and there are all sorts of people including teenagers. If anyone comments - they haven't - all I have in my head is the fact that I'm doing something about it!

OP, I started exercising properly (about two years ago) when I was about your size. I am perhaps older than you (now 52) and had been going to the gym for years but not very effectively! I love it now, am training hard, have lost weight and am fitter than I have ever been. Losing the feeling of self-consciousness is one of the best things I have ever done (for my confidence as well as my fitness), but it is hard to say what helped.
I started by doing classes which had quite a lot of younger, fitter people in - and they too were beetroot and collapsing at the end. I tried hard and the instructors and the other people in the classes were all encouraging and helpful, and some started introducing me to the free weights area and egging me on (my gym is friendly and has a good mix of ages). That really helped me feel at ease. All anybody cared about (if they cared at all, which most obviously didn't) was that I wanted to learn and would work hard. I've now done all sorts of things I never thought I would do. I Iook about 150 mid-workout and all my spare flesh seems to bag around my middle - and I don't care. If my press-ups are improving that's all that matters .

So, I would maybe try some classes, if your gym has them- perhaps a variety including things you wouldn't think you would like. I have found the gruntier, sweatier ones (circuits, boxing etc) a lot more absorbing, friendly and motivating than Pilates say - there isn't the same we're all in it together feel which really helped me with not feeling self-conscious. You may find you come out of your comfort zone and enjoy it,. On a more superficial note, get some kit you really like. You are doing the right thing - try to relax and take pleasure in what you are achieving. Good luck.

I would echo what PP said about getting involved in classes (the noisier the better) if you can, everyone is in it together and you'll blend in under the music.

If you find the gym intimidating have you thought about maybe getting a PT session if you can? It really helped me feel more confident just following a programme someone else had set for me.

Also headphones and a really funny podcast or your favourite music, drown out the self conscious thoughts.

MsMartini except that I am almost 10 years older than you, your story is mine!

I’ve always been a gym goer but mostly aerobics and pump classes, to keep fit for doing quite serious dance classes (ballet, jazz, contemporary).

But about 28 months ago I changed approach, signed up with a personal trainer and my body is transformed. I can almost do a decent push up and I’m working steadily on chin ups.

And I feel far more comfy in the free weights area because my trainer showed me how to set everything up. Also I’m quite sturdy and strong so some of the things my trainer gets me to do attract a bit of attention! Like when I was dragging 3 people plus a lot of weight (total around 270kg) on the sled thing (I think it’s called a prowler).

So can you go with a friend? Or pay for a couple of personal training sessions. I know it seems like a big con by gyms to get you to spend more money but honestly, working with my PT has transformed my approach to working out. And I’ve lost about 2 stone by tracking calories and changing my training.

18 months, not 28 !!

Wooohoo Upzadaizy, that is a lot of weight. Yes, I am sturdy and strong (as well as a bit flabby around the edges ) too and am working on chin-ups etc. A bit of positive attention really helps off-set the feeling of oh what am I doing, a woman my age should be quietly in the back row of a large class doing the same thing week after week, invisibly. School PE has a lot to answer for and when you get over that feeling, it is exhilarating.

Yes according to my PT, most people can do around 3 times their body weight so my goal was 210kg but I’ve done around 300 once or twice. As I was dragging this he did say to lookers on “this ones a strong one”

Well done for getting started OP, just getting into the gym in the first place is half the battle done!
Could you afford a few personal trainer sessions? They’ll push you but also show you what to do, so you’ll feel more confident. Weights really make the difference.

I really think most nice normal fit people in a gym would think good on you for being there and trying to get healthier and fitter.

I know if I saw someone like you I would and the people that don't, well there are going to be arseholes in all walks of life. You've got to make a decision as to whether you're going to hold you back from your goal though.

I'm exactly where you are! I was so scared walking in to the gym for the first time, I ended up leaving my car key on one of the machines and had to go hide in the loo and text my friend before I could go and find someone to ask about it. I'm a professional woman who deals with conflict all the time but the gym and fit people scare me!

BUT I'm 4.5 stone overweight and I'm going to die early if I keep putting weight on the rate I am so fuck it. There are plenty of other fatties there and I don't spend my time staring at other people so why would they do that to me?
Feel the fear and do it anyway

My gym is a commercial chain, but my branch is super friendly. I see 80 year olds exercising in the free weights along with the muscle “bro” types. The nice people are just nice and we all leave the silly boys admiring their biceps in the mirrors to get on with it.

I am constantly amazed at what I see people achieving in the gym and it’s generally not the skinny cardio bunnies I’m watching but the big strong women! And a lady I was stretching alongside who is there 4 days a week at age 86. And the guy in the wheelchair who can shoulder press anything.

If you’re in the gym even if you’re just walking on the treadmill you’re way ahead of all the couch potatoes at home. So be proud of getting there.

Thanks everyone, you're awesome and really inspiring to know you're all out there doing the same as me! I feel so much better already from your advice to keep on with it.

Just got back from the gym now, I went to a different branch to my usual and everyone was friendly but focussed on themselves rather than posing and showing off their muscles (not criticising the supermen and women that do, I'm sure I'd wear the mirror out too if I'd put in that much hard work!).

I think I will definitely get a couple of trainer sessions to show me best practice with the weights. Like pp achieving amazing things, I'm strong and sturdy under the excess weight and it's always a confidence boost finding something you're good at whereas I think it'll take me some time to build up my running ability and see results.

Another PP mentions that PE in school and the teaching methods has a lot to answer for. I fully agree. I certainly dont remember anyone being humiliated or screamed at for trying and failing to answer a question in English. Hoping to get over this though as it's been long enough!

Go for it! Who cares what the posers think. Exactly about discovering something you are good at! My physio said I was built for weightlifting so I might as well be good at it .

I started running about a year ago, hated it and found it so hard even tho I could do HIIT etc quite bouncily, stuck at it gradually getting better, then discovered I had anaemia and started on iron which gave me a bit of a turbo boost. I now either run or use the cross before every weights session as a warm up, and I also do Pilates which I really like too, and is a good complement to weights I think. A year ago, I would have said I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than do either.

Enjoy yourself OP!