Hi everyone, my head is in a bit of a mess and I was wondering if any of you lovely people could help me order my thoughts. Sorry if it's long!
I recently got back into exercising properly for the first time in a couple of years. I had not been doing any strenuous physical activity for a while (although I did and still do walk to and from work which is about a 5 mile round trip daily, so that's at least doing something).
I had a complicated relationship with food and my body when I was a teenager - trying desperately to "diet" (fast) for a week or too and then invariably cracking, eating loads and feeling terrible about it. I also went through phases of doing lots of exercise during that period (mainly running) and then doing none at all. Whenever I was exercising, I was a bit obsessed with it & usually miserable because all I would think about was my body and how it wasn't good enough.
Anyway, I'm relieved to say that I largely grew out of this as I got older & went to uni, got busy with life etc. But since then my attitude to exercise and dieting/healthy eating has always been quite a wary one - I'm always scared to pay it too much attention in case I end up in that dark unhappy body-hating place again.
Fast forward to now and I'm in the latter half of my 20s and starting to become more aware of the benefits of exercise for health reasons. I want to live a long life & want to stay as healthy as I can. I lost a close family member to illness last year and it has made me want to look after myself more. My DP of 5 years has always been very sporty himself (& is generally very body confident) and he's been gently encouraging me to give exercise a go again.
So about three months ago I got into a proper routine for the first time in years. I'm now swimming once a week and going to Strong by Zumba (like HIIT/bodypump) twice a week, as well as my usual commute. At first I was really proud of myself for carving out the time in my life & sticking to a routine. I've been considering adding in another swim day & maybe weights.
The problem is, the more I do, the more I'm starting to feel some of those negative body feelings coming back. I'm catching myself being more critical when I look in the mirror and hesitating when I eat. I have a healthy BMI and I don't look overweight. But I'm starting to think about exercise a lot more than I want to and if anything I feel less confident than I did when I didn't do anything. 
So I guess my question is, can anyone here give me advice on how to stay positive and curate a healthy relationship with exercise and your body? I want to exercise for all the many health reasons but I need help getting over this first.
Thanks so much to anyone who can help 