Sleep, I hope you got some and the earache is resolved!
OK, well, as far as there being much in the way of rules for lifting at all, I'm not so sure, there's alot of 'bro science' and a fair few guru's in the world of exercise.
But I appreciate that the main problem is getting women to do any weights at all!
I can only speak for myself, but I have 20 years of training & working in gyms, mostly as the only woman in the weights area
When I was exclusively strength training (ie no cardio to speak of) I used a 4 way split, and train 4 x per week it was something like
calves/delts
legs
chest/triceps
back/biceps
in the past few years wanting to downsize & be leaner I used a 3 way spit and trained 3 x per week
legs
back/delts/bicep
chest/tricep
right now I am obsessed with swimming and not wanting to overload my shoulders I'm doing an upper body / lower body split and training 3 x per week.
I've backed off intensity wise because I want to save my energy for endurance type cardio.
I vary the exercises according to what works for me (ie what hurts the next day) what injuries I'm working around.
For pressing I use cables, dumbells or the ez bar (easier on the wrists than a barbell)
I dont squat anymore, I like the leg press but I also like one leg stuff like bulgarian split squat, I like glute ham raises, I like that hip thrust thing that you do with the bar bell :o
as for how much weight to use, I do a few progressively heavier warm up sets (stopping far short of failure) 2 or 3 sets to failure at the heaviest weight, then rep out with a few progressively lighter sets.
Broadly speaking I keep in the 5-12 rep range.
I just go by how I feel, I've only ever used my own program because it's been carefully designed by me to suit me and it's constantly evolving (oops, now I sound like some kind of self appointed guru
)