Brexit still affecting family relationships - total loss of respect for my Dad

[MathsFreak]

In retrospect choosing Brexit may be a bit of a red herring, but let's see where this goes...
This evening I came across my dad's latest latest Facebook entry, a repost of a Zerohedge article.
www.zerohedge.com/news/2019-08-06/eight-reasons-eu-will-suffer-far-more-uk-brexit?fbclid=IwAR0TRHjLwZ8BXVBxczah73vbfuaKjoJmzj7xopFDkNf9at6f7wl-kkXEJKE
(my particular favourite is reason 8, which effectively says the EU will suffer more than the UK because... well because it bloody will.)
To be completely honest I unfriended him shortly after the referendum but still occasionally snoop on his open profile. So 'came across' is being a little generous, and re: 'occasionally' read 'daily'. Anyway, it's about the most coherent thing he's posted in a while and neatly demonstrates what I'm dealing with here. It's got me thinking / lamenting the breakdown of our relationship and if there's anything I can do to fix it.
Disclaimer: I try to have a little balance in the Brexit debate, I can see opportunities but I think the costs and uncertainty outweigh them. I'm a remainder who feels it comes down to a judgement call and everyone's entitled to make their own. Unfortunately, I rarely come across a Brexiteer who doesn't rely on garbage information or isn't a politician with obvious self interests.
I'd put my Dad squarely in the former of those two categories. Possibly due to our previously heated debates, I find it difficult to critique my Dad's arguments in front of him without him getting defensive and shifting the focus of his argument without taking on board anything I say. I've ultimately given up trying to engage. But over time, with each additional flawed post, I lose a little more respect. I'm at a point where there's little remaining. And we rarely talk.
Interested to hear if anyone else has similar experience and any tips for coping with it (apart from the obvious not snooping my dad's profile).

Sort of sad that this is going back to arguments about Brexit and judgements about who was wrong and that that is ending up with wholesale stereotyping, even from those who valiently and nobly defend those who they seem to see as the uneducated/misguided. My best guess is that family relationships were deliberately used as a power tool and a campaigning tool by political factions and that it could be helpful to consider if that has actually affected emotional ties and done major damage to a substantial swathe of families. Very sad in my view for those involved (lots of us). I hope our OP is able to move beyond this with his father. I rather think that the best way to do that might be as others on this thread have suggested, to put political differences aside, park the discussion, and tap into the positives in each other (if there aren't any, then maybe take the attitude he's my dad and you don't get to choose family so ...) I suspect that those who are most to blame for spinning/framing this one in thi way, are the ones who we should be really angry with, not our families.

OP does dad have any other children who he can turn to. He must be heartbroken. You sound awful.

@darkcloudsandsunnyskies

Did you read about how racist the op's dad is and that this is what informed his vote?

It's really tricky. My dad is down the 'no deal' rabbit hole. We can't talk about Brexit at all. I am really political, I campaigned for remain.. I'm really upset about current events, I'd normally turn to my parents for reassurance.. but dad just bleats the bullshit from the Daily Mail. I know the facts around his bullshit, if I ever try to engage or respond to his comments, he just shuts me down straight away. It's affecting our relationship, of course it is.. but I love him, and want a relationship with him, so I'm rising above it. It's difficult.

Unfortunately I no longer trust his judgement on anything Jesus.
Politics turns people into judgement arseholes.

Its ok to distance yourself due to his racist views, but to do so because of his political views?

It's bloody tough, isn't it, OP? It's not a Brexit issue in my case but I've come to realise over the years that my parents are godawful racists. My father has always been quite open about it but he managed to pass it off for years as an inappropriate sense of humour. It took me a long time to realise that he genuinely detests other races and Jews in particular. He would have hit the roof if I'd ever dated someone who wasn't white.

My mother is less consistent (I'd say she doesn't have a very strong sense of her own identity and tends to adopt the tone of the company she's in), but over the years she's come out with some startlingly vicious comments including:

• Saying repeatedly that the Holocaust wouldn't have happened if Jews were nice people.
• Approving of natural disasters in developing countries (because people "breed" too much in those countries and disasters killing hundreds are Nature's way of keeping the population down).
• Saying that black women are incapable of being loving mothers.

My parents are "nice" professional people, only in their 60s, and they wouldn't consider themselves to be racist - they're just "saying what everyone is really thinking". It sucks not being able to respect your parents. Also, I find that you get caught between, on the one hand, the people who think you're trash for not already having gone NC and, on the other hand, the people who play the "how can you fall out with your parents over a little thing like politics? They gave you life! Your mother carried you in her body! You have to respect her!" card.

'My parents are "nice" professional people, only in their 60s, and they wouldn't consider themselves to be racist' I don't know anyone anywhere who would describe in this way, people who say what you are saying that your mum said.

Just thought I'd chip in with my $0.02 since everyone seems to be telling you you're a shit person because of your fall out with your dad.

I absolutely don't agree with them.

My grandma voted leave, despite the fact that one of her children, their partner, and their two kids live in the EU (me and my family that is). During the whole build up to the referrendum we tried to point out to her why we didn't want her to vote leave, how it would affect our lives etc. She lied the whole time and kept telling us she wasn't going to vote leave and she understood it would end up bad for us and all that jazz, and then she went and voted leave.

Fine, vote leave, that's your personal choice - but don't lie to us and then make out like we are the bad guys when we're upset that you couldn't be truthful about it, you know?

The cherry on top was when she started to say that she didn't understand what she was voting for because "everyone was lying on both sides so I ignored what everyone was saying and went on gut feeling" (but at the same time that she didn't regret her vote). This is despite the fact that we had long conversations with her about how it could affect us, and also despite the fact that she was arguing the toss with people all over Facebook in the run up to the referendum, posting things and commenting on other people's post. She was clearly NOT ignoring everything like she said. So either she's thick as pig shit, or she's lying again. She was also married to a very proud Irishman who is probably turning in his grave right now over the situation that Ireland has been put in, but you know. She only aknowledges that when it suits her

And then people wonder why families can be torn apart by this?
Anyone who thinks that family relationships being strained over Brexit is stupid is clearly living on another planet, even if their own relationships aren't strained.

Very distressing for you SurrenderAt20 How are you/your parents handling your family relationship now?

I suspect my PILs voted Leave but I've never asked them - I'd rather not know.

It isn't quite as simple as saying "don't you respect people who disagree with you?" You can usually disagree about something whilst still acknowledging that their view has an argument behind it. But it's clear now that pro-Brexit arguments don't have any rational reasons behind them - we all know full well that any pro-Brexit person reading this will be thinking "typical patronising Remainer" but will not produce any actual evidence based reason.

I no longer have any clue how I would discuss Brexit with a Leaver. That they can look at this mess, the entire absence of any rational reason to believe this will be a good thing and STILL maintain that it's what they want os just beyond me.

@Notagreatstart1234 your parents sound vile. I'd keep my children away from them if I were you.

@SurrenderAt20

She was also married to a very proud Irishman

If this was your grandfather, and he was born anywhere on the island of Ireland you should be able to get an Irish passport. I know this will be huge faff and might be costly but it will take away any stress about living in the EU. Your kids are one generation too far removed but I'm sure you being an EU citizen would also help them (amusing they're still children) with residency.

@KennDodd

Thanks! Luckily my mother recently applied for an Irish passport so we already have all the papers needed for my application (which has already been sent back once because of lack of information about my.. Non Irish parent.. I know Brexit won't mean I have to leave the country, but the stress of not knowing exactly how I will be affected (especially since if could take the embassy ages to process my re-application) and knowing that a family member cares so little that they would lie multiple times is what's doing my nut.

I was dreading this week but to my absolute shock, MIL yesterday said she just wants something done about Brexit, she doesn't care whether it happens or not, she just doesn't want Corbyn in charge.

Quite the journey from pro Norway, to avid No Dealer, to 'I don't even read about it anymore, don't care if it happens'.

Christ. Why are we doing this without checking people definitely still want it?

Not quite sure what this has done to my anger levels, tbh. Quite a good way to distance yourself from any blame once it all happens, eh?

Quellium I think there will be an awful lot of distancing after we've left....I wish the wretched No Dealers would at least own it!