Brexitannian NewSpeak Dictionary (WIP)

[TheElementsSong]

In view of ongoing events, and prompted by the recent influx of inspiring new blame-shuckers and empty-slogan-spritzers, I feel that the Brexitannian NewSpeak Dictionary has got so big that it now deserves a thread of its own that we can simply link to as required (many thanks to all previous contributors for your excellent definitions). Contributions and editing welcome please!

<span class="underline">Dictionary July 2019</span>

PANIC : taking gradual action, in July, for an event in November (see also: DELUDED, HYSTERICAL, PARANOID LUNATIC).

SMUG: having taken gradual action in July (see also: HYSTERICAL).

SHORTAGES: something that will <span class="italic">definitely</span> happen in July, when supply chains are <span class="italic">not</span> disrupted, due to PANIC (see above), but somehow will definitely <span class="italic">not</span> happen in November, when supply chains <span class="italic">are</span> disrupted.

CAUSATION: people who buy smoke alarms in July cause fires in November.

OBESITY CRISIS: an <span class="italic">undesirable</span> state of the nation, caused by European strawberries, and which will be cured by the SHORTAGES which aren’t going to happen, or alternatively by a PATRIOTIC (see below) government mandate for the thin people to eat slices off the fat people.

BLITZSPIRIT: something apparently very good and quintessentially British, a highly <span class="italic">desirable</span> state of the nation, which will come about in <span class="italic">November</span> (but not in July) due to the SHORTAGES (see above) which are not going to happen in November (but are in <span class="italic">July</span>).

PATRIOTIC: proficiency at reciting hollow slogans and short empty phrases, disparagement of analytical thought.

ARMY: SMUG (see above) group who are UNPATRIOTICALLY PANICKING (see above). 

BELITTLING: asking basic questions of someone with whom you are in conversation in order to identify whether you are both proceeding from the same level of comprehension of the relevant issues.

BETRAYAL: <span class="italic">any</span> version of Brexit that does not satisfy the <span class="italic">specific</span> personal vision of each of 17 million voters, and which furthermore tracks the aforementioned personal visions on their journey of radicalisation from what they were in 2016 to the present.

STOCKPILE: simultaneously 
(1) a hoard of essentials literally taken from the mouths of <span class="italic">proper ordinary</span> people by posh elites who have pushed prices up and CAUSED (see above) SHORTAGES (see above), 
(2) a hoard of luxurious irrelevant fripperies like caviar and au pairs, that only posh elites care about thus irrelevant to proper ordinary people, 
(3) a vast load of stodgy unappetising inedibles, not proper food, that no proper ordinary people would want anyway, and which will end up being thrown away and wasted thus destroying the environment thanks to posh elites (See also: LETTUCE).
(4) at some convenient point in time, will <span class="italic">always</span> have been a PATRIOTIC and <span class="italic">obviously</span> sensible thing to do, for a particular list of items and by a particular list of individuals/companies (if not on the list, then definitions 1-3 continue to apply).

CRESS: Level of agricultural and food distribution expertise required to assure everybody not to STOCKPILE (see above).

CRYSTAL BALL: 
(1) A Heisenberg quantum device permitting Leavers to accurately predict that “it” will be “FIIIIIINNNEE” after a “short term” of “some adjustment” but which, when asked for measurements of “fine/short/some” ceases to exist.
(2) A device that Remainers definitely don’t have, which is why they PANIC (see above) and CAUSE (see above) SHORTAGES (see above) without any evidence for their actions.

STARVATION: an often-fatal and previously <span class="italic">undesirable</span> condition. Due to BLITZSPIRIT (see above) anything <span class="italic">less severe</span> than this is no longer deemed worthy of discussion. (See also: MAD MAX, ARMAGEDDON, END OF THE UNIVERSE, TENT CITIES).

REVELLING: keeping, for unapproved reasons such as Brexit, a STOCKPILE (see above), however keeping a STOCKPILE (see above) for <span class="italic">approved</span> reasons such as “just because” is FIIIIIINNNEE especially if you use a euphemism like “Why, I <span class="italic">always</span> keep months of food in <span class="italic">my</span> shed, isn’t that <span class="italic">normal</span>?”. (See also: MASSIVE HYPOCRITE).

FLAT-EARTHERS: 
(1) people who think that a No Deal crash-out Brexit might result in supply chain disruption
(2) NOT people who believe that a No Deal crash-out Brexit will produce no discernible effects on anything whatsoever, or even attract golden unicorns.

CONTROL, TAKING BACK:
(1) a PATRIOTIC (see above) act by means of once-in-a-lifetime pencilling an ‘X’ on a small piece of paper, by supinely accepting any ensuing events, and by emoting positively.
(2) an undesirably treasonous, unpatriotic undermining of national interest by means of STOCKPILING (see above) to secure supplies, or to pre-empt anticipated price-rises.

SUPERMARKET PROMOTION: 
(1) ordinarily a regular and unremarkable marketing strategy encouraging seasonal purchasing or attracting shoppers of a frugal, thrifty nature - unless they are TAKING BACK CONTROL (see above) in which case see below (2).
(2) a treasonous, unpatriotic undermining of Brexitannia due to encouragement of PANIC (see above) buying of STOCKPILES (see above) causing SHORTAGES (see above).

PROPAGANDA: 
(1) factual information given by EXPERTS, the government, anybody tainted by possible foreign sympathies, <span class="italic">or</span> in fact anybody with knowledge gleaned from sources other than the gutter press.
(2) a <span class="italic">bona fide</span> male goose

WTO: a meaningless mantra, its significance long forgotten in the ancient mists of deep time, which is recited to invoke positive Brexitannian emotions.

DEAL (Syn: May's Deal, Boris's Deal, Corbyn's Deal, any deal):
(1) (Before 31st October) Unacceptable loss of sovereignty and BETRAYAL (see above) of Brexit 
(2) (After 1st November) Inevitable, PATRIOTIC (see above), secures food and medicine imports that were never at risk.

REMAINERS:
(1) Non-existent, insignificant, effectively 0% of the population who should be silenced and have no effect on anything at all.
(2) A powerful elite fifth column of traitorous saboteurs in vast numbers, who can kill Brexit fairies by sheer power of <span class="italic">thought</span> (See also: EXPERTS) and who are to blame for undesirable bad things happening that aren’t/weren’t happening but also are happening and are desirable despite being bad (See also: PROJECT FEAR).

PROJECT FEAR: any suboptimal outcome/consequence of Brexit that has been predicted by EXPERTS (See also: PROPAGANDA), which will <span class="italic">definitely</span> not happen ever (See also: FAKE NEWS, FIIIIIINNNEE), but if/when it <span class="italic">does</span> happen, will in fact (a) have been knowingly voted for by Leavers (See also: BLITZSPIRIT), and (b) would have happened inevitably <span class="italic">anyway</span> not due to Brexit, and (c) will therefore render (a) and (b) contradictory.

BLOW-JOB:
(1) Fellatio
(2) Current prime minister

DUST SPAFFER, JACOB THE: Honourable member for the 18th century, and Leader of the House.

PROROGATION: (1) Absolutely, positively, nothing to do with BREXIT, nothing to see here, nope nada definitely not. (2) But stopping it would be an attack of the Remoaner establishment ELITE (see above) on the WILLY OF THE PEOPLE (see above) to frustrate BREXIT (see above).

Some one please add 'Parliamentary Sovereignty' and 'The Rule of Law'.

And something about British Law and the Authority of the Highest Court in the UK.

Any advance on:

PARLIAMENTARY SOVEREIGNTY: Not like that!!!!!!!!

The Constittytution

Ample bosom for the PM to hide his face.

We might need separate definitions of ELITE.
There's the beardie kale smoothie quaffing metropolitan elite (perhaps known as UNPATRIOTIC ELITE) to be distinguished from posh Eton elite (a la DaveCam) but entirely separate from patriotic bulldog Eton elite (current Etonian PM who has somehow become the saviour of Leave voters' protest vote against the elite).

We also need to define current UK politics as LAND OF UPSIDE DOWN. Or ALTERNATE REALITY.

On the last march, my friend had a T-shirt saying;

I am the Liberal
Metropolitan Elite
(apparently)

Which was quite annoying, as it means I have to get a different one...

Initially believed to be the same deal as the last one but with crossing out and tippex.

... And somehow the crossing out and tippex and because he's a posh boy (see also WILLY OF THE PEOPLE) instead of a mere woman, means that this deal is proper BREXIT (see above).

I learned this new definition of "choose" from a Leaver on the Westministenders thread.

CHOOSE: Something that traitorous Remoaner MPs in Parliament apparently did, by the government having deliberately withdrawn the opportunity for them to actually do so

This is a great list! Spookily accurate.

REMAINERS BULLSHIT. We had a referendum to leave the EU (2016) and we had no idea what we were voting for.

BREXIT BULLSHIT. We had a referendum to enter the European common market (1975) and we had no idea what we were voting for.

Ooh, that has inspired me further, thank you neutralwallpaper

WHAT LEAVERS WERE VOTING FOR:

1. We know exactly what we voted for - It’s going to be super-easily achieved marvellous Sunlit Uplands with no downsides because They Need Us More Than We Need Them (BMWs/prosecco) and Don’t They Know Who We Are and we all just have to BeLeave to make it happen, and the EU is going to collapse when they see how we flourish effortlessly in glorious isolation.
2. We know exactly what we voted for - It would have been (1) if it wasn’t for the PunishmentBullying of the EU and the negative NotBeLeaving Project Fear Sabotage of the Traitorous Remoaners.
3. We know exactly what we voted for - We never said it was going to be easy but we’ll get to the Sunlit Uplands eventually and then it will be marvellous “short term pain for long term gain”.
4. We know exactly what we voted for - We always knew it would be hard and might be hard forever, but we voted to be poorer and for food rationing and medical shortages, hardship is worth it because Sovereignty and SomethingBlitzSpirit.
5. We know exactly what we voted for - But any reports of negative events are Fake News, because despite (3) and (4) nothing negative could happen because of Brexit (see 1); therefore even talking about preparing for food/medicine shortages is hysterical scaremongering treason by Traitorous Remoaners and no True Patriot would save even a grain of rice.
6. We know exactly what we voted for - Pretend we didn’t say (1) and (5) - As we’ve said all along, preparing for food/medicine shortages is what any sensible True Patriot would do because stockpiling is Comforting, and will show the BullyingEU Who We Are and they won’t notice that They Don’t Need Us More Than We Need Them.
7. Feel free to add more layers as they come.

elements

Remainers and Leavers voted to have a never ending, hideous headache every single day. It comes from banging your head against a wall of ignorance, misinformation and unresolvable differences.

And all the paracetamol have run out because of Brexit shortages and panic buying.

🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

I totally agree honey, your post is a very confusing and convoluted collection of paragraphs.

It's given me a BREXIT HEADACHE /noun/. for sure.

Love this thread. TheElementsSong I am in awe of you

"honey"

Mask -> slipped

TIME - A relative concept, depending on whether you are proroguing parliament to shut it up, or making it sit day and night to pass your bills.

But political astrophyisicists still maintain no bill however fast it is scrutinised can exceed the speed of Brext, which will always need an extension.

But political astrophyisicists still maintain no bill however fast it is scrutinised can exceed the speed of Brext, which will always need an extension.

Mockers Excellent!

BREXIT BULLSHIT. We had a referendum to enter the European common market (1975) and we had no idea what we were voting for.

Yes, this really is bullshit, because we were already in the Common Market. Taken in two years earlier by Ted Heath, who won an unexpected election victory. It would have been so different had Labour won. But the vote to stay was a vote for the status quo, so people did know.

GENERAL ELECTION: what the PM demands because he is a lazy-arsed wanker who can't be arsed to sit through - and actually work out answers to - perfectly reasonable amendements suggested by other political parties.

JEREMY CORBYN

• The preface to any answer to any question put to Sajid Javed.

• "What did you have for Breakfast, Sajid?"

• "Under Jeremy Corbyn, most would get no breakfast whilst the elite tuck into roasted babies."