Emotional Brexit Support Thread

[Westwardleading]

DH and I are from other EU countries and have British citizenship as lived in England for decades. Our DC are British and also hold citizenship of my home country. Their native language is English and they speak my native language but not very well.

I have felt increasingly unwelcome since Brexit. Sometimes I feel like a second class citizen as the common perception and public narrative now is that people like us don't belong here.

We are looking at relocating to my home country but I feel so sad and emotional about leaving England. DH and I are both in our 40s and dc were born and bred here. I would miss our life here terribly but am also affected by feeling unwelcome which is affecting my confidence. I worry about hostility when people detect my foreign accent and have become less outgoing as a result.

All in all I am feeling pretty conflicted and emotional about the UK separating from the EU and what that means for my family. I don't know how to make the decision whether to leave or stay. I am unsure about our job prospects in my home country and fear it will be difficult to start over at our age.

Do other people in similar circumstances also feel this?

I'm not in your situation but I can entirely empathise and I truly wish you didn't feel you have to leave. This is your home FGS. I do hope you know that there are huge numbers of people here who really don't want you to go anywhere.

FWIW I'm British American and feel terrible most of the time about what's happening in both countries. When I wake up in the morning I enjoy that early waking feeling for about 20 seconds before my heart sinks and I remember that I live in a nation of fecking idiots.

I'm British living in an EU country (where I have never been made to feel anything less than welcome). I'm still very emotional about brexit, which affects me in both my personal and work life. I'm not sure I'll ever get over it tbh and I might consider renouncing my UK citizenship instead of taking dual nationality.

I'm angry/ sad about a lot of things, but perhaps the saddest thing of all is that my teenage children, both of whom have British citizenship, have such a negative view of their British heritage. They have both (especially my older one who wants to go into politics) been shocked at anti-democracy headlines about "enemies of the people" and "saboteurs", as well as by outright support for Le Pen. My DD is studying totalitarian regimes in history this year and recognised those Daily Mail headlines for what they were.

A year ago she was considering trying for Cambridge; I asked her a couple of weeks ago if she was still planning to apply for a UK degree course this autumn and she replied, "Don't be stupid" :(

I'm British and have lived in England all my life.
I'm so sorry that you no longer feel welcome here.
This is your home and your children's home. Please know that there are many people like me who welcome people from other countries and who understand that this country needs immigration to thrive. I love the diversity and hearing different languages being spoken. I certainly don't relish the idea of living in England with only 'English people'.
I hope you decide to stay.

Thank you for your posts . I hope my OP doesn't come across as woe is me, it's not intended that way. The Westminsterenders thread on which I lurk is brilliant to keep up to date with the political developments and is a good platform to reflect on the political and public aspects of Brexit.

But the Brexit separation affects many people emotionally too and that is even before any of the economic disasters have become quite tangible.

My family was formed as a result of the openness between the UK and the European Union. I came to study and stayed on because there were opportunities here and I loved travelling and learning languages. We ended up staying and making a home. And loved it here but now I feel threatened by the climate. Nobody has said anything in real life but I felt having an accent especially in the weeks after the referendum triggered a more reserved response from strangers. Possibly just information bias, I hope.

Going back to my country is definitely an option but I would miss the people I have met here very much. And i'd miss the language i'd communicating in English, which has been the language i have studied and worked in and am raising my children in. I don't understand nationalistic sentiments at all Like you knittedfrog I am curious about other cultures and people.

"When I wake up in the morning I enjoy that early waking feeling for about 20 seconds before my heart sinks and I remember that I live in a nation of fecking idiots." I know the feeling hilbobaggins.

Mistigri your post really resonated with me. your dc are British (French?) and now there is a wedge which impacts on people's significant life choices. Studying at Cambridge, what a beautiful opportunity but I can understand that your dc feels disappointed and appalled by/at the hostile and inward looking narrative and politics we are witnessing. I hope your dc will find a great Uni where they feel happy.

westward my DC were born here and both have dual nationality (French/British). They are very fortunate in that respect; I have friends here whose children are not French and who no longer know if they will have a right to higher education in France. For children who were not born here there is no route to nationality before age 18, unless the parents naturalise (and not all have the language skills to do so).

I think children are the forgotten group of brexit victims - much has been said about the complications for affected adults especially those who are not working (pensioneds, SAHPs) but very little about the kids who are caught up in this.

Another one who is very emotionally involved with the whole Brexit debacle. Am a Brit married to an Italian living in Italy with dual nationality ds. Like misti I find it very sad to see how my ds now reacts to Britain and his heritage. He doesn't have the emotional ties I do to the U.K. so he doesn't mimic me in my feelings of disappointment, disillusionment, sadness,anger etc- he is just really dismissive of the U.K. - sees us as odd, arrogant and pretty much irrelevant in his life bar as a place to visit his U.K. family. There is a difference with how he talks about other EU countries and the U.K. - it is clear he feels much more of a kinship to the French, German, Spanish etc rather than the British and this is another thing that saddens me re Brexit because as much as a certain section of the Leave voters have dismissed people like me as traitors who hate their country the absolute opposite is the truth. It is precisely because I do love my country that all this has affected me so much - otherwise why would I give a toss! I'm out of it! This attitude from DS has been a complete change from pre- Brexit when he used to describe himself as half and half (he now says he is Italian) and used to show real interest in and fondness for the U.K. I have made it clear to him that a lot of the U.K. are not in favour of what is currently happening but he feels very strongly that people like him and people like his Dad are no longer wanted and so has no interest.

This is exactly how I feel. I don't want to leave but feel pushed away at same time. Also feel very worried about economic impact. The kids and I are dual nationals and my home country doesn't treat spouses like dirt as the a
UK does, so we kind of have an escape route, but it's not something I really want to do. It helps to live in a Remain city, though.

DP and I have already left for Ireland. Neither of us are Irish but DP is not British but Brexit and associated Home Office policy decisions are clearly based on xenophobia, nativisim and basic racisim. We are going to stay here and hopefully get Irish citizenship which will give us a much higher degree of stability than the UK would ever want to give us.

I'm British with British children and a British husband and I am being made to feel increasingly uncomfortable if not unwelcome here because of Brexit. I am lucky enough to have dual nationality (although I have only lived very briefly in that country) and it can be extended to my family so we are weighing up our options. I used to love the UK and my home country, England. Now I mostly feel ashamed of it because of the mess we have caused for ourselves (and our neighbours) and fearful for its future. There is so much ignorance and xenophobia, I feel we are entering a very dark phase with a very bleak outlook.

And to add, while I am a rabid remainer, I do not think that Brexit had to be an outright disaster - it's just this government seems determined to make it one.

I find it very sad to see how my ds now reacts to Britain and his heritage. He doesn't have the emotional ties I do to the U.K. so he doesn't mimic me in my feelings of disappointment, disillusionment, sadness,anger etc- he is just really dismissive of the U.K. - sees us as odd, arrogant and pretty much irrelevant in his life bar as a place to visit his U.K. family.

This is exactly how my children feel. They have always identified as "British" until quite recently. The change may partly be due to age (like most teenagers they don't want to be different) but brexit has definitely changed the way they think about the UK.

Bit late to this thread, sorry, but wanted to join in.

OP, you'd be totally entitled to feel 'woe is me'!

I'm British, as is my DP, and have always lived in the UK. I feel thoroughly ashamed of being British at the moment. I'm scared and worried for the future of all of us as a society.

scottish, I'm thinking about doing exactly the same as you and am interested in your perspective. How is Ireland treating you, if it's OK to ask and to derail slightly?

Misti no offence but you live in a country where about 40% of the population will actually vote for Le Pen and you have jihadi kill teams with machine guns killing people. The UK may be a horrible place but we are still a lot better of than France.

lessworried, one place being more appalling doesn't mean you can't be appalled about the UK.

Thank you Saphire. I also feel worried and scared yet I feel profoundly that this, the UK my town, my neighbourhood is my home, my children were born here, one of them actually in our house. I will be gutted if we decide to leave even if there are many positives also about relocating. I will always miss England.

Iworry that the whole of the EU is crumbling, not as in exiting but there is this sudden us and them among member countries.

I feel Greece has a bone to pick and possibly understandably so. A few years ago my international friends all felt like one community now ether are ever so slight nationalist tendencies in how people talk.

On a more practical note does anyone know of good resources for learning how to make big decisions? Books or websites? DH is about to be made redundant also. This as a direct result of Brexit, I can't say more about it right now. Dh loosing his job will be one more thing to consider in our plans for the future.

DH and I are in a similar situation though I have British nationality. He has a small business that employs a dozen people, I work for the NHS. We have paid taxes for 20+ years. But suddenly we are a drain on society? Thanks a bunch.

I feel so angry with friends who voted for Brexit and their "Oh but we didn't mean you" crap. Yes you fucking did, this is exactly what you voted for, so at least have the guts to admit it

Misti no offence but you live in a country where about 40% of the population will actually vote for Le Pen and you have jihadi kill teams with machine guns killing people. The UK may be a horrible place but we are still a lot better of than France.

I live in a country with a world quality health service, where with a bit of luck a pro-EU centrist will get 60% of the vote on Sunday. Depends how you spin it, huh?

In the unlikely event that Le Pen wins then as soon as my son leaves school I'll be off to Germany.

"In the unlikely event that Le Pen wins then as soon as my son leaves school I'll be off to Germany."

What would attract you to Germany Misti?

Good luck on Sunday (is it Sunday when the final presidential vote will be cast?)

At the time it happened I felt that the ref vote and the inevitable future it would lead to had a huge effect on my identity - being an EU citizen was how I felt I belonged in both Italy where I live and where my immediate family is from and the UK where my history, culture and wider family are all from. I disagreed vehemently with the opinion I started seeing everywhere and which was coined by the TM phrase 'citizen of nowhere'. I am now starting to feel that I am being pushed into a more nationalistic viewpoint, namely that I find it too emotionally and mentally draining to be engaged in the policies and direction of 2 countries. I am despairing of the direction the U.K. is on. The stances and opinions I see in the national press and on my timelines are totally alien to me. I feel more and more disenfranchised from the U.K. and it's people. I am finding myself way more interested in what happens in France's election than the UKs. And I resent this like mad. I resent the people who I feel are removing my identity and all the things I love about my birth country. I resent the fact that I am more and more seeing the UK as simply my "birth country" rather than my country. For the first time ever I am starting to feel more aligned to Italy than the U.K. And so I am becoming what so many Leavers accused me and others like me of being and which until now I denied because it really wasn't true until now - someone who doesn't like their country and so who should stay away. And I hate the fact this is how I feel as I feel it is something I haven't chosen, that I didn't want and that is being forced on me. And if one person had been able to convince me of the positive side of Brexit for the UK(taking my feelings out of it) I may have felt differently. But as it is, and after this week of the bullshit coming out of number 10 re the EU, the shameful rhetoric to grab UKIP votes, the cynical calling of an election, the "strong and stable" soundbites while the nhs and education is being decimated and the vile headlines in the press, this morning I feel like I need to choose countries and focus on one. Italy is not in a good state but at least the Italians know their political class are opportunistic, power grabbing and corrupt - that puts them one step ahead of the UK. I really do feel like the bar is that fucking low at the moment.
Sorry for the lengthy, self-pitying epistle - I have taken the "emotional" in the OP at face value.

I feel more and more disenfranchised from the U.K.

This is how I feel - more and more separate. Brexit has done what nearly 20 years of living abroad had failed to do, and made me stop feeling British.

Being literally disenfranchised reinforces this sentiment. I think it is probably correct to say that British expats (sorry but in this context it is a handy catch-all term) are the most disenfranchised group of citizens of any western democracy. Unlike EU citizens in the UK, or US citizens living anywhere in the world, we are disenfranchised both in our country of residence and by the country of which we are nationals.

Agree misti - am wondering if taking citizenship here will make me feel better? But I dont see how as nothing will make me truly Italian, I still will be British in history, character, looks etc. I will still be ds's Mum with the accent that gives me away....
On the flip side I would then once again have EU citizenship I guess so maybe that would help?
Boh! (There is no English equivalent to that word to sum up how lost I feel in all this at the moment)

I don't know bananagio. I found the process of claiming citizenship for my kids made me feel more French myself - I think partly because the process was so simple, efficient and humane (it took less than two weeks berween submitting the papers and receiving the nationality certificates, and the civil servants and court personnel who dealt with the applications were all pleasant and professional).

Bumping this thread as finding the negotiations re EU citizens in the U.K. and Brits in EU27 a tad stressful! Anyone still out there feeling the same?

Bumping this thread as finding the negotiations re EU citizens in the U.K. and Brits in EU27 a tad stressful! Anyone still out there feeling the same?

More than I was tbh, as although I think the likelihood of no brexit is rising, so is the likelihood of the worst possible brexit.

My best friend is a cross border worker - British, lives in France, single mum to a French kid who does not have a UK passport (friend was born outside the UK so cannot transmit her British nationality to her children). She will be OK to remain in France because she is sole carer of a French minor, but may lose her job (if it still exists: it's dependant on ro-ro traffic so she is doubly screwed). There will be others in equally complicated personal situations who may not be as lucky - people whose jobs result in frequent moves between countries may never get a permanent right to remain.