Emotional Brexit Support Thread

[Westwardleading]

DH and I are from other EU countries and have British citizenship as lived in England for decades. Our DC are British and also hold citizenship of my home country. Their native language is English and they speak my native language but not very well.

I have felt increasingly unwelcome since Brexit. Sometimes I feel like a second class citizen as the common perception and public narrative now is that people like us don't belong here.

We are looking at relocating to my home country but I feel so sad and emotional about leaving England. DH and I are both in our 40s and dc were born and bred here. I would miss our life here terribly but am also affected by feeling unwelcome which is affecting my confidence. I worry about hostility when people detect my foreign accent and have become less outgoing as a result.

All in all I am feeling pretty conflicted and emotional about the UK separating from the EU and what that means for my family. I don't know how to make the decision whether to leave or stay. I am unsure about our job prospects in my home country and fear it will be difficult to start over at our age.

Do other people in similar circumstances also feel this?

single mum to a French kid who does not have a UK passport
I don't think this is correct. At least if she is a British citizen she can pass it on for one generation (but her children can't).

Yes, I am finding it stressful too. I feel much like Bananagia posted earlier. I feel like I am being made to pick sides and I dont want to. So many people live transnational lives these days, with ties and rights in several countries. Why are we being forced to go backwards?

Yes I am. On the plus side we now have our Titre de Séjour cards. On the negative side the continued fall in the pound is a worry. We lost 15% of our income last year and whilst we are still very comfortably off compared to many, I can't see things improving any time soon. I also find all the ageist bollocks about pensioners abroad pretty upsetting. Every newspaper picture has grey-haired folk sitting in deckchairs and a lot of comment (even on Mumsnet) assumes that none of us speak the language of our host country or that we all fly back to the UK to get our ingrowing toenails sorted.
It is so far from the reality of our lives and makes me feel even worse.😨

I don't think this is correct. At least if she is a British citizen she can pass it on for one generation (but her children can't).

No - she has the sort of citizenship you can't transmit (unless your kids are born in the UK). I know this because my own children - who were born abroad - will not be able to pass on their British citizenship to their kids, unless they marry a UK citizen, or move to the UK before having children. This is despite the fact that they were born British with no right to any other citizenship (they acquired a right to their second nationality at age 13).

Emily yes, the idea that most Brits in Europe are rich pensioners is not to put too fine a point on it absolutely fucking clueless and frankly infuriating.

We are fortunate that our income is not in sterling (though some of our assets and pension rights are, and that is a concern).

allegreto - I am British but my DC were born abroad. At the time of registering birth with the UK consulate it was made clear that DC could NOT pass on British nationality. I could pass mine to DC, but they would not be able to pass it on in turn. If the friend in mistigri's post was born outside UK, she is very likely in same situation.

It is the language used too Misti. Always a "bunch of pensioners" coming back from Spain (usually) because they are too old / stupid / feckless to manage their lives. I don't doubt that there are people of all ages who have done "A Place in the Sun" without sufficient resources, but I really doubt that it is a majority of the 1.2 million.

If the friend in mistigri's post was born outside UK, she is very likely in same situation.

Yes - she is a classic example of how children can fall between the gaps in nationality law (she was born stateless).

I don't doubt that there are people of all ages who have done "A Place in the Sun" without sufficient resources, but I really doubt that it is a majority of the 1.2 million.

I think it depends where you live. I suspect there are parts of France and Spain where there are significant numbers of pensioners who would not be able to afford private healthcare. I don't think anyone really knows how many people are concerned. However where I live it is probably fair to say that only a tiny minority of British people are truly self-supporting, pensioners obviously rely on reciprocal healthcare (except the tiny number who worked in france before retiring) and most of the working age British people I know receive means tested benefits.

I think private health care is impossible for many people because of pre-existing conditions. I suspect the S1 will be safeguarded for existing residents (a no-brainer for the EU and probably easiest for the UK) but I would think most people would manage PUMA contributions where needed, and the sums I have seen for full access to the Spanish system are less than our monthly top-up payment!
I think the real issue will be people who have lived under the radar and never registered. I don't have a lot of sympathy, but will no doubt still be helping them with translation etc. 🤔

I'm with Lala, British born with British born children.All four of my grandparents born here. DH similar but with Welsh grandparents. I feel uncomfortable and ashamed of the country I loved. I feel it had just become ok to celebrate a bit of being British with afternoon tea with cakes and scones, and bunting ....that whole image. Now because of the mess we have caused it's just acutely shameful and embarrassing. There is so much ignorance and xenophobia. I feel devastated for our German born friends who have lived here for 20 years, paying ( higher rate) taxes,volunteering on the PTA, helping at the local church,helping with Christmas and summer fairs,organising sporting charity fundraisers. They bought into the community wholeheartedly and brought up two lovely children who identify as British. Now they feel unloved,rejected and understandably are job,school and house hunting in Germany a country they thought they would never return to. Or our Dutch /British friends who similarly feel rejected,unwanted,the wife feeling that her full time 25 years charity work over here with under privileged kids was a foolish unappreciated self sacrifice.
I feel we are at the mercy of a selfish, incompetent and not very bright government and are entering a very long ruthless phase with a very bleak outlook indeed. But as it all so absurd,just occasionally I get a glimmer of hope that sense will prevail and somehow we will manage some half baked EU membership only with less say.

Think that the use of the word expat rather than migrant for those living in rest of the EU means we are seen as being hard to relate to, cocktail sipping round the pool types and therefore of not that much interest. All either rich pensioners or 'tarquin on an Erasmus scheme' types. While our equivalents living in the U.K. are portrayed as sapping the local services while undercutting the British workforce. So no one gives a shit re them either. The use of over 4 million people as bargaining chips is quite frankly something I see as a complete betrayal by the U.K. and the general acceptance of this by from what I can see is the vast majority of the U.K. citizens and political class is something I am finding unforgivable. Jump off the Brexit cliff if you have to, I am caring less and less about that but why the fuck should you take over 4 million people who will be the most immediately affected and who on the whole couldn't have a voice via a vote with you. Am back in the U.K. at the moment and even my family, all remain voters, don't have a clue why I feel as I do. Which then brings a whole different complexity to feeling shafted.

The use of over 4 million people as bargaining chips is quite frankly something I see as a complete betrayal by the U.K. and the general acceptance of this by from what I can see is the vast majority of the U.K. citizens and political class is something I am finding unforgivable

This is such a great, heartfelt post. I agree with every word.

I also care less and less whether brexit actually happens (if i am honest, the angry part of me wants it to go ahead and for brexit voters to suffer), except insofar as it affects the 4 million and their families - the vast majority of whom, including many Britons, got no say in the matter.

Yes, thoroughly agree. My main worry is for my daughter and my granddaughters in the UK. I am so angry that they won't have the benefits of EU membership that we had. (So are they).

Sorry I'm late to the thread, I only just found it.

I'm an emotional wreck since the referendum. I have to take 2 lots of sleeping pills every night just to sleep now, anti depressants and anti anxiety meds to get through the day, and have been referred to a psychologist for counselling. I just want to hide under my duvet until it all goes away.

The worst part is my family back in England who all voted leave and their belligerent attitude towards me and my children. From calling us traitors who abandoned our country, so deserve what we get, to refusal to acknowledge that it has any impact on us at all, so any upset is a pathetic over-reaction. I've had no contact from my mother since last July when it became obvious I wasn't going to absolve her of her part in it. I've had no contact with any of my siblings or extended family since the referendum itself.

I don't think our lives (me and my children) will ever be the same again.

jumping
That must be so hard. I am finding it hard with a family of remain voters from the point of view of a Brit living in the EU because they don't get what this means to me over and above what it means to them. Which I don't blame them for because it's hard to get the different levels of how it affects you unless you are in the same position. I can't imagine what it is like to have family who have voted against your future security. I am so sorry.

Thank you. I wish they were sorry, even a tiny bit. But this is the final straw in a long, long line of not caring about the impact their decisions have on me.

Mistigri appreciate what you are saying about Brexit voters suffering, but it's all of us without any chance of an EU passport who will suffer a screwed economy. I am hoping my dc carry on with their languages and leave if it is that bad when they finish school/uni/whatever they decide to do.

I think one of the things that frustrates me most about this whole sorry mess is that Brexiteers are very adamant that the country should be forced to acknowledge their pain at being held in thrall by the EU - something that they are never very rarely able to quantify. They are also insistent that many of the UK's problems have been caused by the EU but the reality seems to be that it has had no/very little bearing upon these.

But, for those for whom the referendum result has had an extremely negative impact, Leavers seem to have very little understanding of how their vote has caused these problems and zero empathy for those that are having to deal with the consequences. People such as Jellybeanz are meant to just suck it up because of trade deals with New Zealand/duty free cigarettes/navy passports .