my dad voted leave and I'm really struggling.

[BrexitentialCrisis]

Today my dad told me to get a grip and to stop worrying because everything will be fine. I reminded him that:

1. We have a government in chaos with an opposition in chaos

1. Jean-Claude junker has indicated that Britain will be presented with very straightened terms once tariffs are negotiated

1. There are serious conversations happening about the break up of the U.K. With independence for Scotland and a unified Ireland.

I'm really struggling to be around him- his arrogance that this is just a blip and that we have made a great decision makes me feel sick. He berated me for signing that petition and called it silly.

He's my dad and I love him dearly but this fucking referendum has driven a huge wedge between us.

[rookiemere]

I am so sorry massi71 - that's horrible for you .

[GingerIvy]

I just don't understand this at all. This demonising people that voted differently than you, especially family members. It makes no sense.

Just because you have children, does not mean your parents are obliged to "consider the children" and vote according to your choice.

Just because you drove them to the polling station, that does not mean someone is obliged to vote the way you want them to.

Just because they voted based on different priorities that you don't value, that does not mean they have done anything wrong.

Pushing or demanding people to vote the way you want them to is bullying. Treating someone like shit simply because they didn't vote the way you want them to is appallingly controlling and nasty.

Some of the comments on MN lately, you'd think it was a primary class vote, rather than adults voting. I get that people are disappointed, but that doesn't mean it's okay to take it out on those that didn't vote your way.

[rookiemere]

We aren't taking it out on people GingerIvy - just struggling to cope with people we love taking decisions that we see as wrong. I thought MN would be a safe place to discuss these emotions, or should we just pretend that they don't exist? What about massi71 - are her emotions valid?

[justbogoff]

I don'the want anything to do with people who made such a stupid decision.
Luckily most people I know (certainly everyone I love and respect) voted Remain.
This is a huge disaster and will have long consequences. I'm very, very angry about it.

[Fairuza]

Unless your dad is a massive racist and voted Leave for shitty reasons, just accept you have different views on what the best thing for the country is.

I voted Remain but I don't think the EU is a good thing.
I'm pro-Scottish independence.
I'm pro-Irish reunification.

It is a complex issue and neither side has all the answers.

[gunting]

Massi I understand how you feel. You are right to feel devastated and no one can tell you you're wrong.

Unfortunately I'm worried about the future. It won't let me share a link to the post but there is this on Facebook. There are 115 and counting pieces of evidence of racism and xenophobia since Friday. It's a right wing revolution whether you voted leave for that or not

[MiracletoCome]

This is why 16 and 17 year olds should not have a vote, because they live under their parents rules and would have to vote the way of the parents or lie about how they voted if it was a different way. Obviously not all families are like this and respect others wishes but judging by these threads a lot are

[gunting]

Miracle I don't believe that. The age of consent, marriage, change your name, get a job if you're 16. You can drive a car at 17. The younger generation are savvy with the Internet and have grown up being advertised to and can sniff out a lie.

[RaeSkywalker]

I think it's not so much the referendum itself, as that the referendum has revealed some uncomfortable truths about the views of the people we are close to- whichever 'side' you fall on.

I voted Remain. My entire family (apart from DH) voted Leave. My Mum was upset yesterday that there's been so much aggression on social media towards Leave voters (not, I hasten to add, from me). I pointed out that people feel strongly, they are scared, Remain voters are just as passionate about the issues at hand as she is. I have avoided seeing my parents today because I do need time to calm down. I don't want to hurt my Mum. I'll see them tomorrow and smile benignly and say "I hope you're right" if they bring up the Referendum.

The only person I have engaged with is a friend's DH who shared a hateful meme last night calling Remain voters pathetic. I told him that I respected his right to vote as he saw fit, which was why I hadn't challenged his views before, but that the meme was divisive, unhelpful, unkind. That his friends were scared and he was mocking their fears, which is a pretty low thing to do, regardless of whether he agrees with them or not. That we needed to heal the rifts that the referendum has revealed, and that the 'winners' could be sharing positive messages to help this, if they need to share anything at all.

He replied- "lol". So I will be avoiding him for some time- as I would've avoided a Remain supporter who crowed over Leave voters if the result had gone the other way.

[GingerIvy]

Everyone is criticising each other for what they voted, instead of looking to the real issues - that DC called a referendum for rubbish reasons. That the parties are divided and didn't present strong factual campaigns for either side. That the leaders of the parties are now too busy infighting to decide their new leaders to step up and reassure the public and aid in keeping order when the public is panicking.

Yes, I think people need to calm down and realise this is not the end of the world. Give it time to sink in, give the government time to sort out a few things. But taking it out on each other just makes things worse. THERE WAS NO WRONG VOTE. Everyone voted based on their opinions. Neither vote was wrong. The sooner people get past that, the better it will be.

[LittleBearPad]

The problem with that Ginger is that there are people announcing on social media and the actual media that they have made a mistake, that they didn't realise x, y or z, particularly in relation to freedom of movement. That they think they were misled by the Leave campaign and it's the Remain campaign's fault. Deeply upsetting because it means there were wrong votes.

And the racism and xenophobia that is coming out the woodwork as if some people think the referendum legitimises their horrible opinions is scary.

[rookiemere]

Yes, I can see the racism and disillusionment ending up in street violence very soon. Not to mention Northern Ireland where there will be a stockpile of weapons hidden somewhere to reignite the troubles.

That's what the referendum has caused. It may have been bubbling under the surface, but now people feel they have legitimacy to wear racist t-shirts and use language to describe people that I thought was gone years ago.

I'm sure my DF will be shocked and horrified by the hooligans on the street, but by voting Leave and expressing racist views he has encouraged it to happen.

So forgive me if I can't move on from this so quickly.

[Filosofikal]

I'm going with Martin Lewis's moderate and balanced take on the referendum. I believe him a million times more than some of the crap that's been spouted on Mumsnet.

I voted remain but am not particularly concerned about the future.

I think it's offensive and ignorant to suggest leaver's are all ignorant and racist. My Dad votes leave because he doesn't like the EU bureaucracy and my MIL voted leave because she thinks the countries going to the dogs because of EU meddling. I don't agree with either of them but I have NO issues with them voting how they did. We live in a democracy after all.

Not speaking to someone because thay voted differently to you is pathetic. However, if you know that someone is actually racist, then It's ok not to speak to them. The two issues are separate.

[firesidechat]

There were a number of programs on radio 4 yesterday morning that were rational, balanced and quite reassuring on the whole. I do wish some on here had listened to them and calmed down a bit.

[EttaJ]

Nice to read some non hysterical common sense Filo

[Mistigri]

The OP's problem is her dad being rude about it ("get a grip" ffs!) not the difference of opinions.

My Dad voted leave - I didn't even have to ask as he has been a committed Eurosceptic for as long as I remember. The bizarre thing is that apart from disagreeing on the "right" way to vote, we're in agreement on almost everything else including the likely outcome. He hates Boris even more than I do, which certainly helps keep the discussion civil

[StrictlyMumDancing]

I get you OP.

I never questioned my df. He was always going to vote leave. But my dm, my immigrant Dm, who suffered years of racial abuse here voted leave. Because of those pesky Eastern Europeans ffs. She's not like them she says, she worked

But hey she can have her opinion as misinformed as it may be (she waxed on about the cost of schooling these immigrant children as reported in the Express - failed to realise her own gc were included in those figures).

Then on Friday I was stopped in the street and told 'you aren't one of us, here for the benefits are you?' That's when I got angry. I feel betrayed by my dm forgetting her roots. I shouldn't I know. But I'm struggling. I feel like I'm paying for her racist views. The sins of the father eh?

[gunting]

Strictly bloody hell! Someone actually said that to you in the street? That is disgusting.

[phlebasconsidered]

Schools where I love and teach have had racist notices plastered outside that are anti Polish. I am infuriated for my lovely students and seriously cannot look a leave voter in the face. I keep thinking "Was it you who left messages of hate for primary school kids to read?" ( Not making this up, it's on Cambridgeshire news as well)

My other half voted leave. We are managing a discourse, just.

[StrictlyMumDancing]

To be fair gunting I should have seen it coming. People were making comments about all manner of race that day. I forgot the way I look too. Probably why my attempting to comfort others didn't mean much!

Fwiw I'm a pale, freckled white woman with curly auburn hair and blue eyes. It got that bad out there. I've barely been into town since.

I just walked off btw. I would have said actually I'm one of you, but I'm not and never will be one of them.

[GingerIvy]

Little Bear There were a fair number of people regretting voting in the conservatives last GE too, when they immediately unveiled that austerity budget. There are ALWAYS people who change their mind, there are ALWAYS people who regret what they've voted. What this should trigger is that those people should next time make the effort next time to think longer about their choice, look into it carefully, before voting. That does NOT mean they get a do-over.

[Beebacoff]

LTB (even though he's your dad).

Go No Contact.

He's probably a narcissist.

Seriously? There's nothing you can do now. Your side lost, his side won. It's hardly worth damaging your relationship with him.

Melodrama and catastrophising don't help

[Euripidesralph]

Honestly I truly believe that is people like yourself op that are making this worse by being so vitriolic

This is a democracy ...a free vote means that you must go with majority....just because you don't agree you by all means can state your opinion but you are taking it far too far

As it happens I voted remain ...I still believe remain was the better choice.... Dh voted for leave...there are zero issues because we are intelligent adults who respect each others opinion

Yes things are bad .... crack on if you believe the petition is right , it's my personal opinion that the petition isn't sensible for two reasons
Frankly the damage is done....if you think we will vote yes and the EU will dance and say wooohoo right then boys no harm no foul then you are naive at absolute best

And secondly .... democracy worked...it's not democratic to insist on trying to overturn a majority vote

Honestly your reaction is immature at best....if you choose end your relationship with your father but understand you are misunderstanding the acceptance and respect in a healthy balances adult relationship

[firesidechat]

I could have written your post Euripidesralph and it's how we have handled the difference of opinion in our house too.