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Ethical dilemmas
Original poster

Angry Cleaner

96 replies

PositivePenguin · 15/09/2025 13:54

This is such a first world problem but I don’t know what to do about it. We’ve had the same cleaner for about 2 years. We both work full time in pressured jobs and yes, it’s a luxury and I feel very lucky. She is British and good at her job (not amazing but decent and reliable). We willingly pay her more than she actually asked for (always in cash) and have given her pay rises without her asking for them. She’s always been quite dour but over the last few months, it’s got worse and worse. I work from home and I always ask how she is: for the next 15 mins, she then tells me how angry she is: how the council aren’t sorting out the repairs at her flat: how her children are being shafted by the system: how politicians are just lining their own pockets: and more recently, how refugees are taking all the resources. I try and empathise as much as I can (while not fanning any flames about refugees) but she obviously doesn’t want to really chat, she just wants to vent. I have started to dread Thursdays when she visits: I work from home and I can’t avoid her. Last Christmas I gave her a Christmas bonus and a gift and she didn’t even say thank you. I think I’m partly feeling middle-class guilt as I’m not affected by the problems she has. But I’m also just dreading the weekly rant, especially as it becomes more right-wing. My husband thinks we should give her another pay rise. I am more thinking about ending her employment and doing the cleaning myself. What would you do?

OP posts:
MumChp · 15/09/2025 14:00

I would hire a new one.

SophiaSW1 · 15/09/2025 14:02

I’d give her notice if I dreaded her coming

rubyslippers · 15/09/2025 14:02

Not sure the relevance of her being British and paying her cash
the fact is shes not being professional so get rid
you’ve been very accommodating not sure why your DH wants to pay her even more
use an agency so you will have someone insured etc

Flakey99 · 15/09/2025 14:02

Woman up and act as a boss, not a wimp!

Can you imagine spending the first ten minutes of your working day wasting everyone’s time with ranting away to your boss? You need to be firm and set better boundaries.

WatchingTheDetective · 15/09/2025 14:04

I would have fired her when she didn't say thank you for the extra money. I'd also fire her for spending such a big percentage of her cleaning time complaining.

Why is your husband such a wimp?!

Original poster
PositivePenguin · 15/09/2025 14:06

I don’t think my husband is a wimp! He doesn’t hear all the moaning as he tends to be out at work when she comes. He’s very left-leaning and wants to be more than fair. But thanks for the stiff talking-to: maybe I need to grasp this nettle.

OP posts:
notacooldad · 15/09/2025 14:11

Maybe don't ask her how she is.
Let her in and say 'hi, im really busy, I'll.let you get on' and then do your work.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 15/09/2025 14:11

Leave out the cash for her and tell her you will be on calls/workshop for the duration.

Mintbeecloud · 15/09/2025 14:13

I had a similar situation. I am a coward and didn't want to create animosity as I was worried this person may want to take revenge if I told them I was unhappy with their services. Are you hiring through an agency or directly? In any case, I told them our financial situation had changed and regretfully we would no longer be able to employ a cleaner. I gave them notice and a small severance package, then quietly started to look for alternative options. The cleaner I have now is 100 times better, both in their tasks and in their professionalism.

CasualDayHasGoneTooFar · 15/09/2025 14:13

We willingly pay her more than she actually asked for (always in cash) and have given her pay rises without her asking for them. .........., she then tells me how angry she is: how the council aren’t sorting out the repairs at her flat: how her children are being shafted by the system: how politicians are just lining their own pockets: and more recently, how refugees are taking all the resources

Does she pay tax on the money you give her?

saraclara · 15/09/2025 14:18

I'd had the same cleaner for years, but it got to the point that I was manufacturing reasons to be out when she came, because all she wanted to do was moan.

I'd been agonising about how to get rid of her, when, to my relief, she resigned because she had a minor health issue that meant cleaning was too much for her. I breathed a sigh of relief, and now I have a lovely, and much better cleaner.

I'd give her notice with whatever excuse you can come up with, give it a month or two, and then find someone else.

Original poster
PositivePenguin · 15/09/2025 14:18

Mintbeecloud I think this might be me - I’m pretty conflicted-averse and may just find a nice way to let her go.
CasualDayHasGoneTooFar I really don’t know if she pays tax. I’ve always paid in cash, I’ve never tried to do anything else to be honest.

yes, the obvious thing to do is to stop talking to her, I know. But I think maybe ending her job here would be easier in the long run.

OP posts:
MyBirthdayMonth · 15/09/2025 14:22

"Well this is very interesting Mabel, but it's not exactly getting the floor scrubbed, is it?"

WatchingTheDetective · 15/09/2025 14:23

MyBirthdayMonth · 15/09/2025 14:22

"Well this is very interesting Mabel, but it's not exactly getting the floor scrubbed, is it?"

😂

KindnessIsKey123 · 15/09/2025 14:26

Mintbeecloud · 15/09/2025 14:13

I had a similar situation. I am a coward and didn't want to create animosity as I was worried this person may want to take revenge if I told them I was unhappy with their services. Are you hiring through an agency or directly? In any case, I told them our financial situation had changed and regretfully we would no longer be able to employ a cleaner. I gave them notice and a small severance package, then quietly started to look for alternative options. The cleaner I have now is 100 times better, both in their tasks and in their professionalism.

This is pretty much what I did. We now use an agency who send different people every time and more than one. It works perfectly.

Westfacing · 15/09/2025 14:38

Like a lot of lower paid women she's probably struggling with every day life and having a moan here and there is understandable. Many people do feel like their children are being shafted, politicians are in for themselves, and refugees are getting all the resources. These feelings are particularly prevalent with Reform and Yaxley Lennon setting the political agenda and feeding into peoples insecurities.

She's probably resentful of your comfortable lifestyle, and who could blame her - life is very hard for such women.

It's no different from workers in any setting having a moan - but of course it's uncomfortable for you in your own home as it's more personal.

Tiredofwhataboutery · 15/09/2025 14:42

I think possibly don’t ask how she is, say hello and that you have to take a call shortly and she’s welcome to grab tea/ coffee if she wants then let her get on.

ResusciAnnie · 15/09/2025 14:42

She’s very unprofessional. I’d get rid and definitely NOT give her a payrise as DH suggested…!

ResusciAnnie · 15/09/2025 14:43

Westfacing · 15/09/2025 14:38

Like a lot of lower paid women she's probably struggling with every day life and having a moan here and there is understandable. Many people do feel like their children are being shafted, politicians are in for themselves, and refugees are getting all the resources. These feelings are particularly prevalent with Reform and Yaxley Lennon setting the political agenda and feeding into peoples insecurities.

She's probably resentful of your comfortable lifestyle, and who could blame her - life is very hard for such women.

It's no different from workers in any setting having a moan - but of course it's uncomfortable for you in your own home as it's more personal.

Cleaner and OP are not co workers. It’s inapproprpiate to vent to clients.

Heregoes234 · 15/09/2025 14:46

notacooldad · 15/09/2025 14:11

Maybe don't ask her how she is.
Let her in and say 'hi, im really busy, I'll.let you get on' and then do your work.

I do cleaning work and honestly what this person says.

If you ask how she is she sounds like she is responding to that and if her life is a struggle then yes she probably thinks being with you for two years now she can talk openly with you.

Seems harsh to fire her when you are asking how she is and she is replying.

I have some clients that expect me to engage with them whilst I clean and it makes it harder to work as efficiently. If you are starting conversation with her and don’t like her speaking whilst she’s there and her sharing her life with you why do you ask her how things are? It’s kinda bizarre and to think of a pay rise or fire goes to show she must be working hard but you feel uncomfortable and want to now possibly end her employment with you.

You need to do what the person said above and msg before or say you’re busy today and let that be what happens and both get on with your work. Ring a friend instead..

TwoTuesday · 15/09/2025 14:47

I wouldn't sack her for having different politics, or for answering honestly when you ask how she is. If you don't want to chat or make supportive noises, be "busy."

Heregoes234 · 15/09/2025 14:50

ResusciAnnie · 15/09/2025 14:43

Cleaner and OP are not co workers. It’s inapproprpiate to vent to clients.

Show quote history

You’ll be surprised how many clients treat their cleaners as therapists/friends when they come to clean. I’ve been hired by people who admit they are lonely. If OP is asking her how she is and they worked together for two years now its easy for the lines to get blurred.

u3ername · 15/09/2025 14:52

@Westfacingcleaners around here have quite good hourly rates. Op is paying her more than she asked for, she increased the rate and gave her bonuses/gifts…
If the cleaner’s waiting for the council to sort her repairs in her flat it sounds like she’s living on benefits and not really paying a mortgage, declaring income or paying tax. She’s clearly not from a privileged background but she might be having quite a healthy disposable income and much more free time than the op.

My point is, before we start making up excuses for her right wing believes, we might also accept the possibility of her just being a bigoted, greedy person.

Heregoes234 · 15/09/2025 14:54

u3ername · 15/09/2025 14:52

@Westfacingcleaners around here have quite good hourly rates. Op is paying her more than she asked for, she increased the rate and gave her bonuses/gifts…
If the cleaner’s waiting for the council to sort her repairs in her flat it sounds like she’s living on benefits and not really paying a mortgage, declaring income or paying tax. She’s clearly not from a privileged background but she might be having quite a healthy disposable income and much more free time than the op.

My point is, before we start making up excuses for her right wing believes, we might also accept the possibility of her just being a bigoted, greedy person.

I don’t think that’s fair. I make between £20/£30 hour cleaning and I have had help with universal credit for self employed and live in a council house as I’m on one income with two children. You don’t know how many clients this cleaner has or what she makes in a month or what her outgoings are.

Grumpyrager · 15/09/2025 15:07

Your husband sounds quite soft and kind.

I’d sack her and live with the house less than pristine. Just not bother with a cleaner. She sounds like a total scrounger - you’re paying her cash, which she is very unlikely to be paying tax on and she’s whinging that the government handouts aren’t enough. Those handouts are being paid in by honest hard working taxpayers like you and your DH. Her and her children’s father should be investing time and energy into their lives great - not whinging about the govt not doing enough for them. The govt didn’t birth them ffs.