How do you handle your child's realisation that you've lied to them for years about Santa?

[allydoobs83]

Apologies that this is very unseasonal and that I've probably not posted in the right place,but my,soon to be 6 year old DS has become very skeptical lately,so I'm anticipating lots of questions about Santa this year. I'd love for him to believe in the magic for a few more years yet,but he's very bright and I'm not sure how much longer I can convince him of "his" existence.
I'm just wondering how other parents deal with this? I've always been as honest as possible with him about things,so hate to think of him doubting whether he can trust me or anyone else, once he realises that all the adults in his life have been lying to him.
For context,he's very invested in Father Christmas and mentions him throughout the year as in,if he gets a certificate at school,he'll ask whether Santa knows,etc.

Thank you, I like it too!

I was someone who believed until Iwas 10 & was shocked to be told he wasnt real. I was always quite lowkey about Santa with my own dc. I never told them he was or wasn't real & just stopped mentioning him once they got a bit older. I think dc1 worked it out but kept it up because of dc2. Dc2 explained to at some point how he knew it wasn't real.

Usually by the time they're old enough too work out that it's not real, they're also old enough to play along.

Sometimes they "realise" in stages when they work out it's not feasible for someone to deliver presents to everyone in the world in 24 hours even with timezones, that some people get more presents than others and that some people don't celebrate Christmas.

I'm very much hoping that I don't have to have tge conversation with him anytime soon,but he's definitely getting more and more suspicious. As I said,I'm going to keep him convinced for as long as possible. He was very sceptical last Christmas but I managed to convince him that Santa had been with one of those videos where an AI FC/reindeer is superimposed on footage of your home. Not sure if that'll work this year though as he's realised (which I'm quite thankful for),that not all videos are real.

adults lie to kids all the time … I love you as much as your sister etc)

what the hell!?

I think trying to keep him convinced when he’s shown scepticism is where parents tend to go ‘wrong’ with this and it becomes a lie as opposed to going along with fun. That’s when it becomes for you rather than them.

They don’t see it as a lie. You and I didn’t think our parents lied, that’s not how it works in children.

I actually haven’t ever lied about Santa. I think he believes in it (he’s 4 soon) because of nursery and tv but I have purposefully not said much about it. I’m not taking a moral stand or anything (and I’m not saying what I’m doing is necessarily correct) but actively lying to him feels wrong so I don’t.

I also never remember actually believing in Santa as a kid fwiw, even though I played along.

If I were you I would probably not double down if you think he’s going to twig anyway and try to shift your language to stories, make believe, magic etc. which will make it easier ro back out.

I'm the first to admit that I'm probably overthinking this! Really hoping it won't be a big deal when the situation arises.

I definitely played along as a kid and I never remember actually believing. So I must have twigged before I was 5 / 6. It was still fun though.

That's what I've told DS; that Father Christmas makes and delivers the toys,but he knows which family member has paid for/sent each gift. FC only brings the stuff in his stocking.

I definitely am overthinking it! Love that your DS did that though (especially if he did drink the whisky himself)!

That's what I'm anticipating (he's not asked yet, but I'm expecting him to this year) and in two minds about; whether to lie or fob him off for the next few years......

My DC are adults and Santa still exists in our house! You keep the magic going until they’re old enough to start humouring you and it becomes a shared thing. I’m baffled by threads on MN where people make it such a big deal.

I have 5 children, and none of them were bothered or upset about realising that FC was not real. My youngest daughter was only 7 when she kept asking me if he was real. We had the conversation over a few days, always instigated by her. I asked her if Christmas would be any less special if FC wasn’t real and she said, ‘of course not’, so I told her and she was really fine.
About a year later, she asked me if I was the tooth fairy to which I admitted I was. However, there was a real misunderstanding where she thought I was the tooth fairy for the whole world!
The logic of children is great, perfectly about to accept no FC but the tooth fairy was a different matter!

Absolutely, I don't think anyone loses trust in their parents and has trust issues for life just because they were "lied" to about Sants ffs. If anything it shows a parents love ❤️

Never had to have the conversation. Mine just gradually aged out of believing when they were about 10. We’ve never had massive dramatic ‘reveal’. They never saw it as being lied to. Just a lovely story and Christmas tradition for young children.
Never really understood why some people make it into such a drama!

DD rumbled FC when she was 6. She told DS, then 9, I think for validation more than anything... - he was astonished and had to check with me. By the time we'd established that DD was right there was no drama, just advice from me that if you kept believing you'd still get presents. DS was agnostic on the matter for a few years.

My children are in their 20s. They still believe.🤣

I never told my children that Father Christmas was real; I told them that it’s a tradition but that he doesn’t actually exists. Honestly I think the whole concept is bizarre

I don't believe in the "magic" of lies. My DS has always known there is no Santa, that's it's just a made up story we enjoy at Xmas like Scrooge. He used to come home and laugh about the kids believing in santa but I did tell him not to burst their bubble.
I've shown him real wonders, we went to a beautiful tropical island, he's seen the pyramids and we always did lots of fun things. He never missed santa.

He’s real as long as you believe in him. That’s the deal.

I wouldn't say it's a lie. It's a story! My 7 year old has realsied the Easter bunny isn't actually real, so I'm sure it won't be long until she clicks with Santa! We don't make a huge deal of Santa really, the more hype, the worse the disappointment!

I wouldn't worry about it too much. I think mine just gradually became suspicious as they grew older and from talking to other kids in school.

When they started asking if Santa was real I just asked them what they thought. Usually they said they thought he was and we went with that. I think it was more because they wanted to carry on with the magic for a bit longer and then they played along as they got older. Eventually they just started laughing when I talked about Father Christmas.

There was no drama and I don't think they saw it as me lying to them.

I didn’t think any of them really believed it in the first place. I know I didn’t.