How do you handle your child's realisation that you've lied to them for years about Santa?

[allydoobs83]

Apologies that this is very unseasonal and that I've probably not posted in the right place,but my,soon to be 6 year old DS has become very skeptical lately,so I'm anticipating lots of questions about Santa this year. I'd love for him to believe in the magic for a few more years yet,but he's very bright and I'm not sure how much longer I can convince him of "his" existence.
I'm just wondering how other parents deal with this? I've always been as honest as possible with him about things,so hate to think of him doubting whether he can trust me or anyone else, once he realises that all the adults in his life have been lying to him.
For context,he's very invested in Father Christmas and mentions him throughout the year as in,if he gets a certificate at school,he'll ask whether Santa knows,etc.

You tell them it’s a story and it’s magic for younger children and not to spoil it for anyone else.

adults lie to kids all the time.

(we’ll go next time, maybe, I love you as much as your sister etc)

the bright kids spot this and know.

It s make believe
Like a movie or theatre
It s to make it fun for kids
It s storytelling

It is not the same as a lie like telling him you are his mother when you are really his aunt

If you are telling your child that father Christmas actually exists then it is the same. This is why I didn't tell my kids he was real, they always knew it was a story, because I didn't want to lie to them.

Keep up the lie until they are emotionally mature enough to understand that there might be nice reasons why adults might lie (aka tell them a magical story).

Honestly - do not tell your 6/7 year old the truth no matter how bright and skeptical he is. It won’t go well. Wait till 9 or so and you will find he is much more likely to “get it”.

Also at age 6/7 he isn’t old enough to keep it to himself.

I dont see it as lying at all, it's simply going along with magic and imagination. I'm not expecting it to be a big deal here, I'll just let dd reach her conclusions naturally and confirm when the time seems right. He is real, in a fashion, just not the way we think of him.

Mine are older teens now and this never came up. Once they'd started to twig that maybe Father Christmas didn't visit our house I pointed out that he will still visit if they believe 😉. They are not scarred for life for being fibbed to.

My child beloved for a bit now plays along there was no big dramatic event

I just said that I believe in him and that if they don't anymore then they're not to spoil it for little kids.

I have 3 children. All of them seem to have coped without any great fanfare in finding out Santa is a tradition and a custom and is not real. 2 are autistic which I’ve read many times on here is a complete impediment to being able to take on this story without any great fanfare. We also don’t tell kids where I am until they are 12-13 so we lie a lot longer than the UK too.

I remember middle kid and the tooth fairy. One morning he came holding this tooth up saying he didn't tell me it had come out to prove it was a con.

Then was a bit deflated that it meant no coin for the tooth. He got it then.

I like the approach described in the blog below - basically play along in a fun, light-hearted way way and congratulate your chlld for their critical thinking when they work it out. dalemcgowan.com/category/extended-family/page/2/

One of my sons was talking about it from the same age, we didn’t make a big deal about it and didn’t say he was right or wrong but told him Santa was an important part of Christmas magic then told him when he was ten when we knew it wasn’t going to last.

6 is so young op and there shouldn’t be worries of ethical dilemmas, the parents who worry about these kind of things feed into kids who say their parents lied to them as children. It’s just a bit of magic that helps give a child a childhood that has some added fun and excitement, there’s no need to over explore it!

With mine, I told them Santa is more of a feeling than an actual person. He's magical and helps to make Christmas extra special for younger kids. For my eldest, he enjoyed being part of the secret and helping to plan things to keep it special for the younger ones. When the youngest was of an age to find out, he became the 'secret keeper' for the younger nieces/nephews. It just wasn't a huge deal. I think their peers kind of break them into it well before we need to confirm it.

We've never had a conversation about it, they just figured it out at some point but continued going along with it because it's fun. Neither of them are upset or traumatised.

Tell them that he only delivers gifts and be honest about who they are from. That’s what we always did. DC never questioned the lack of a gift from FC.

I think people way overthink this.

Mine are adult/older teen now and there never was a big “the secret is out” moment.

Over the years it just transitioned from true belief … to tongue-in-cheek … to playing along for the fun of it - eg last year my 18 year old put out a whiskey and mince pie for Santa (presumably so he could sneak downstairs and have them himself 😅).

Exactly!

It really isn't an issue.

I fully agree with this.
I agree that a 6 year old cannot be trusted to keep that to himself (and I say this as a mother with a wonderful bond with my children), and could spoil it for many other families.

When your child has the emotional maturity to understand why we tell the story of Father Christmas it won't feel as heavy for them.

When my mum finally told me (I knew long before) I remember feeling a sense of relief that the secret was out, but also greatful for how special it had been. I don't believe a 6 year old could take it that way.

I never admitted to my children that he’s not real. I’m not sure how old they were when they worked it out but there was certainly no drama. Mine are teenagers now and still play along, they’ve managed not to be traumatised!

Ds knew because he stayed up all night at that age:) BUT he insisted on keeping the story going for his little sister.

Dd knew but liked all the fun and prep. But we never pretended santa bought everything anyway. I still pretend about santa and the teens think I'm tragic. Giant fuss if say santa won't bother then.

.also, there will be kids at school etc whom are not raised with santa magic, so will point out its not true. .or a grumpy teacher etc. Or a loud person in a queue.

Agree,with hindsight,it probably would've been better to approach it that way, as I was fully convinced "he" was real until I was about 10,and once I realised he wasn't,Christmas lost a bit of its magic.

I'm hoping for it to play out this way too!

We haven't got to the tooth fairy yet,as he's yet to lose one. He's never really been convinced by the Easter bunny,but that's probably because I'm not a big fan of Easter so have been a bit half hearted about it.
Bless! Hope it didn't take long for his disappointment to subside❤️

It's not really a lie though, unless they ask you if he's real.