Help me - Father-in-law cancels Christmas due to covid anxiety

[Brokenfamily]

I’ve made this account to get out of my own think tank on this. I’m so stuck and I really need some views so please let me know what you think.

The long and short of it is that last year my partners dad was told to shield. He has since had the vaccines and booster, my partner and I are also thrice jabbed now. Due to a second marriage, he also has a 14 year old who has also got 2 vaccines now. Him, his wife and daughter who live together will not leave the house without an N99 mask on, they rent out an entire cinema screen for the three of them to take their mask off and eat a hot dog watching a film. They go swimming late on a Friday when the pool is empty and wear their N99 masks until they are about to get into the water. They will only meet us outside (much harder now it’s freezing winter), or if we have completely self isolated (not left the house) for 5 days and then do a negative lateral flow test on day 5. This has become increasingly difficult.

We are a science savvy family and have been following the success of the vaccine. Latest evidence suggest almost 0 per 100,000 per population death if 2 vaccines, and we all have 2 or more. This is not covid risk anymore for him, in my opinion, this is covid anxiety. But he’s not just doing this to himself. The 14 year old is terrified to hug her friends (and hasn’t for nearly 2 years now) she has to wear an N99 mask to school everyday and eats lunch outside. His wife is not allowed to go for a coffee inside at her friends house. They don’t eat indoors except for their own home. His wife wipes down every item that comes from the Tesco delivery with an alcohol wipe. Yes every item. When his wife says can we do a bit more normal stuff - he replies with things like ‘do you want me to die?’. This is so upsetting to watch and we have been trying to reason with the Dad for him to come around to living life more and integrating a bit more, but nothing. There is always another milestone we need to wait for. First it was one vaccine, then 2, then the booster, then 2 vaccines for his daughter, the latest one is to wait until there are 50 per 100000 cases in UK, he is obsessed with the numbers everyday. There are no normal conversations anymore only talk about covid.

To add to the context we have moved cross country from a 6 hour drive to their house to a 7 minute drive to their house this Summer 2021.

Christmas became a non starter because we can’t promise to have self isolated for 5 days due to work and also becoming prisoners to this ruling that we believe is ruled by fear and anxiety. Then we asked if they would want to come over on Boxing Day.. that started world war 3. He wants to bring a special filter fan to our house, he wants to sit on a separate couch, not touch anything and sitting at a dinner table is ‘too close’. We offered to ALL do lateral flow tests but if we can’t self isolate then it isn’t good enough. We declined that ‘offer’ from him as logistically me, my partner and and his grandparents would be sat at the table and what? They would watch us from the sofa eat and play monopoly?….

What do we do? We will spend Christmas alone, the wife and daughter will continue to live in a metaphorical cupboard and there’s no more milestones, we are all vaccinated and need to live our lives?? Wife is too kind and enabling husband to continue this exercising of control on the household. This has to be covid anxiety and not covid risk anymore. This isnt changing. They are talking about yearly boosters. This is life now.

Please advise, is this unreasonable? What would you do?

@madisonbridges

My brother has leukaemia and he takes no medication. The doctors have told him there has been a recent report that a third of patients who received both jabs did not have any antibodies, and another third had some antibodies but not enough to give good protection. He has been told to isolate as if he catches the virus, the outcome could be serious. (He can be a drama llama but I think the bare bones are true.) If it's true for his illness, it might be true for other illnesses.

Its true. Leukemia is classed as a blood cancer. At the moment, one in 20 people who are dying from Covid have, or have had in the past, a form of blood cancer. That's double the number from a year ago when they were shielding.

You can't do anything about your fil, nor should you try to. He is an adult and it is his life at risk, not yours. Leave him to it. His wife and dd must decide for themselves what to do. We would self isolated for 5 days and do a LF test to keep mil safe. Just not Xmas or Boxing day, hence we will go up on 29th Dec. We would not be going out except to walk dogs anyway over Xmas.

The vaccines don't work for everybody. My friend has had 2 and been told she has 1% coverage. She has kidney issues. She has also been told she is unlikely to survive if she gets Covid.
Maybe the wife and daughter are happy to act this way to protect their father?