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Ethical dilemmas
Original poster

Recent discovery about neighbour..

117 replies

Lambchop86 · 12/05/2020 11:16

Hi everyone. Just a bit of advice wanted really. We moved into our new home late last year. It was going to be our forever home, however we have discover over the weekend that there is a convicted peadopile living opposite us. We are totally devasted by this news as we have 2 very young children - our minds have gone into overdrive about what we should do.
Can we call the police to ask whether he is being closely monitored / assessed as part of him being on the sex offenders register (since 2017)? Can they tell us anything?
I feel as though our children would be safe, (we don’t let them out of our sight if they are playing on the front garden for example) however we feel uncomfortable even looking at his house now and having to think about him and what he is. The thought of him even glancing at my children makes me feel physically sick.
We also live around 200m from a nursery - the fact that he is allowed to live in such close proximity to a child’s setting seems unbelievable. Will the nursery be aware of him, or should we tell them? There are so many families around us with small children (some neighbouring his garden) - do we have a duty to tell them about him?
We have so many questions, and not sure if most of our questions can be answered but needed to get it off of my chest.
I honestly think we are in shock about the discovery and our emotions are still raw, but most of all I feel sad that the life that we imagined in this house will have this black cloud hanging over it as long as he lives there.
Has anyone had any similar experiences to this? And if so how did you deal with it?Thanks

OP posts:
Haenow · 12/05/2020 14:59

Gosh, I’m surprised he’s allowed to live so close to a school. If he’s still on the register, surely that’s a stipulation of his conditions? Unbelievable!

LastTrainEast · 12/05/2020 15:10

I get the concern, but they have to live somewhere unless you want them executed.

Also surely someone in the media for that kind of crime would change their name so it seems a bit odd you found one that didn't. Maybe you're about to name a perfectly innocent person.

By all means ask the police. That way you ensure you have the right person and that they know where he is.

Anything else could see you locked up instead.

bowchicawowwow · 12/05/2020 15:21

The paedophiles that you know about are the ones you can worry the least about. You know where they live and what they are capable of and you can stay well clear of.

I say this as someone who lived very close to a man that was convicted. He returned to his house after being released from prison and ultimately reoffended and was recalled. He could look right into my garden and living room from his bedroom window. The police kept a close eye on him.

Mangofandangoo · 12/05/2020 15:22

I would keep it to yourself and move house if you have the means.

I get it's uncomfortable but this person may have rehabilitated. Obviously the crimes are unforgivable. You need to be careful you don't start a hate campaign against them because if they have not reoffended you could find yourself in trouble with the police

These people are monitored very closely. Shitty situation though

MoreSchnitzelPlease · 12/05/2020 16:18

Jesus christ! So some sensible people point out that OP needs to be careful and work within the law in response to finding this info out about her neighbour, and they get accused of being sympathetic to pedophiles? That is absolutely outrageous.

@Perqut you should be ashamed for making such comments. Do you stop to think saying something like that could be triggering for the person you are attacking here? Perhaps they too have been victims of sexual abuse. To suggest anyone here sympathises with pedophiles is beyond the pale.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 12/05/2020 16:28

I apologise, that was an inappropriate remark for me to make. It is a triggering subject and they make me incandescent.

Thank you for that. It is a distressing subject for many of us, so I can empathise with your anger.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 12/05/2020 16:30

To be fair to Perqut, she has already apologised for that comment.

Perqut · 12/05/2020 16:45

It was a very shitty thing for me to say I agree. I made the comment without thinking. I am truly sorry.

Of course the wise thing for the OP to do is to exercise caution and to remain within the law.

Unfortunately those people get alot of protection from the police so spreading the information in a reckless way would likely result in the OP being the one in trouble (which I think is BS)

I would be tempted, but then I am impulsive Blush

pinkyredrose · 12/05/2020 16:52

if we were to let our friends know for example as they have children, it may just make them extra cautious with their children

What does *extra cautious' mean? Surely if they just take the caution they always take they can keep their kids safe?

Windyatthebeach · 12/05/2020 16:54

I warned a friend of a convicted P. I got a telling off for jeopardising his rehabilitation.
.
From the police.
Just be careful op.

doughnutmuffin · 12/05/2020 16:59

I know you fee he is a threat and rightly so however it's important to note that the majority of abusers do so from a position of trust whether that be from a relative/authority figure etc. So you know this person is a pedophile but what I personally would be more concerned about are the people that come into close contact with your children, people with authority etc, teaching your children what's right/wrong, know that they can come to you no matter what. As sad as it is that's the things to worry about

FelicityFlockheart · 12/05/2020 20:08

Far better to know than not know - the overwhelming majority of people do not know there is a paedophile living in the same street!

It would concern me but then common sense would kick in. Was he convicted for snatching children or looking online? How often do your paths cross? How likely do you really think it is that he'll have binoculars glued on your children just as soon as they leave the house with you?

So I'd ponder those questions and , on balance, I'd be glad I knew about it. I'd probably contact the police to see if they would give me further info on the conditions of him being out in the community but apart from that, I'd do precisely nothing

FelicityFlockheart · 12/05/2020 20:10

Oh and those recommending you move are insane. What happens when you move next door to another one?

Charlottejbt · 12/05/2020 20:34

Is it really true that you aren't allowed to say privately to a friend that X is a paedophile, even when his conviction has been reported in the press and there's no chance of mistaken identity? That seems inconsistent, to say the least. After all, the person you told could well have found it out for themselves quite legitimately, by looking at the newspaper archive.

To those who think it's weird to google a neighbour,I did that myself not long ago. An oldish chap had disappeared and, on googling his name, it turned out he had died (not suspiciously). I guess I could have asked another neighbour "What happened to M?" but I didn't want to look like a gossip.

chickedeee · 12/05/2020 20:38

At least you know where he lives, most paedophiles are not convicted of their crimes and many have families that live with them Sad

DKanin · 12/05/2020 22:54

I'm so sorry OP, I can see exactly why you'd be stressed and upset by this.

I think the sad reality is that there could be paedophiles anywhere - people wouldn't know unless they'd been convicted and it was public knowledge.

You've just got to keep your kids safe and be careful of people's intentions everywhere - the guy in your street is a convicted one but that doesn't make him any different to the friendly guy on the next street who doesn't happen to have been caught. In a way, it's better you know. Some streets won't have anyone like this living on them but pick any street at random and there could easily be someone who's trouble living there. Hopefully he won't stay long.

20mum · 25/06/2020 18:46

Was he living at the same address when convicted? Were the neighbouring families there three years ago? Not everyone would think of googling neighbours, or even know the name. As others say, better have him where everyone knows, than have him move, change his name, and have nobody know. And, as others have said, you never know, with anyone. So, if the pitchfork advocates drive out the ones they know about, it wouldn't be sensible for them to assume even one of their own pitchfork carriers is exempt. What better cover, to remove suspicion? Like others, I'm dubious about the proportion of successful rehabilitation schemes, of addicts, or terrorists, or rapists, or men attracted to children.

Bananahana · 12/06/2021 15:11

Where should he live?

BoffinMum · 14/08/2021 07:37

This conviction could mean all sorts of things - from fraternising with a 15 year old thinking she was 16/18 to really grim stuff. But if it was really bad he’d still be in prison. He has to live somewhere and I don’t think you need to get a flap on. Just don’t ask him to babysit. Wink

Peppaismyrolemodel · 14/08/2021 08:21

If you want appropriate info to safeguard your child and you know his full name and address you can phone police and ask for disclosure of previous offences bc you have concerns about him and your children come into contact with him.
They will give you very little info, but enough to safeguard them.
You really don’t need much info to safeguard your child.
Speaking as someone who worked in safeguarding, there is at least a convicted sex offender on every street in some cities.
I expect you have had many neighbours previously who were, you just never knew.
The absolute biggest threat to your child is unknown offenders who are known to your child.
This shouldn’t change your behaviour re your children in any way.
Always safeguard as if there is a potential threat.

trevorandsimon · 14/08/2021 09:00

You still haven't said how you found out. Just that you googled his name. What made you do that and how do you know his name and that it is him?

SheWhoRemains · 14/08/2021 09:07

I work in social services. Everyone on this thread probably lives near someone with these tendancies. You'd be amazed how common it is.

So at least you know who it is in your area OP.

Runkle · 14/08/2021 09:09

treverandsimon - this thread is over a year old

ViceLikeBlip · 14/08/2021 09:18

In some ways you're safer next door to a known, convicted, (probably monitored in some way?) sex offender than one who is still under the radar that you nothing about.

Aprilinspringtimeshower · 14/08/2021 09:23

According to the national crime statistics, it is estimated 1 in 35 men have viewed child pornography.
This man is just one of those that had been caught and punished.
It is extremely likely based on this statistic that wherever you move to one of the men on your street will be viewing child pornography
Sadly, wherever you live you need to take a sensible and pragmatic approach to protect your child whilst not wrapping them In cotton wool permanently. Part of that is teaching them boundaries and how to evaluate a risk and take actions to mitigate that.
The statistics for women and girls being harassed and molested are appalling (75% of women or higher). Teaching girls about how to respond to that is important too.
Not saying we should have to put up with it, it is appalling and it is getting worse in terms of accessibility with internet
The only solution really is to put curfews on all men- hmmm….