V sensitive DH & present I don't like

[MouseClogs]

A very trivial one in the grand scheme of things but am unsure what is the best thing to do here.

DH has presented me with a birthday present that is v naff/tacky (he doesn't realise this) and is an item I would never use/wear. He got it vastly reduced, but when it turned up it wasn't functional and he's been informed that it will need to be sent for repair to the tune of at least 20 quid.

I'm desperate not to hurt his feelings, but we are very short of money - even the small amount we paid for it is more than we can really justify at the mo, and I don't want him to waste money (even more with repair costs on top) on something that will in all likelihood gather dust. He has told me he had visions of me showing it off to impressed friends, but it really isn't that sort of item

Sorry, not sure why I was cut off early there!

I just wondered what other people might do in this situation. I have a horror of hurting him and I know he'd be upset if I alluded to not being madly keen on it, but I'm being constantly poked and niggled at by the silliness of letting him sink money into something when we can barely scrape enough together to pay the utilities.

We really have to know what it is.

I would just pretend I liked it. It's not worth falling out over.

Can’t it be repaired or replaced for free by the seller? Seems a bit bad that you have to pay to have it fixed when it arrived in a poor state. I appreciate that this doesn’t help with the wider dilemma though. I know everyone else will disagree, but if it were me I’d probably lie and say I love it to spare his feelings.

Tell him you’re delighted by the thought, but you can’t justify the repair money.

I’m sorry this is quite a basic response but I think you should tell him. Be nice and reassure him that it has nothing to do with your feelings for him, but talk to him.

Can it be returned? You could go along the lines of “that’s such a thoughtful present, shame it’s faulty. Given we’re so skint, can it be refunded and we can put the money towards doing something nice for Christmas together?”

Unfortunately it can't be - final clearance item at pretty spectacular discount, and jeweller has apparently said that the repair in question would need to be carried out by the manufacturer. It's a watch, btw. But (I feel awful even saying this) it's bloody awful, and I doubt it cost more than £10 at the outside to manufacture.

I admit I am tempted at the moment to just lie that I like it. It's a baffling choice though - I've never worn a watch or jewellery of any sort, don't especially like them and the style is so the antithesis of anything I'd go for that I'd feel a fool in it. I can't stop thinking about the penalty charge it could have gone on instead - I feel a complete Scrooge!

I would be tempted to wear it a few times then whoops it might get broken

Thank him for the thought but tell him the truth - you don't like it and that you cannot justify the expense of keeping and repairing something that you aren't going to use or display.

If you can barely scrape enough money together for utilities you cannot afford to waste any money. His hurt pride will not keep the electricity running.

Unless you are honest now you will be in for a lifetime of money you can ill afford to waste being spent on stuff you don't like, want or need.

Thank you for all the replies so far btw, I really appreciate it. I like TakeAChansey's idea - the difficulty is that I wouldn't be at all miffed to be told that myself, it's very thoughtfully worded (and a v sensible idea!) - I'm just always on kid gloves mode with him over things like this as I've accidentally hurt him in the past over things of a similar scale.

Can you wear it a couple of times and lose it while out shopping as it had a 'faulty clasp'?

That being said I think it's better you are honest with him.
He needs to toughen up a bit or you will spend your entire marriage getting crap stuff you can't tell him about, for fear of offending his delicate nature.
Bugger that.

Can you go for faux outrage at the fact the retailer is refusing to cover the repair, and say spending extra money on it would annoy you thinking about the terrible retailer (it’s all THEIR fault not his) so could you choose something else together instead? It was so kind if him but maybe it’s not meant to be etc?

I do sympathise. My DH buys considered and chosen gifts fur me that are nearly always bloody terrible.

No point thinking about what the money could've gone on if there's no chance of returning it anyway.
You should be able to be honest with your own partner though- kind, grateful, but honest. Stick it on EBay.

If you don't want to say you don't like it, say you are too skint to justify paying for the repair just now and you will do it once you have more money.
Then put it in your jewellery drawer and hope he forgets!

How awful is it if he does feel a bit bad about it? We all make mistakes. Wearing kid gloves / walking on eggshells is not usually a good thing in a relationship. It's a shame but he'll get over it and know never to buy you a wearable item again.

Are you absolutely certain you can't get a refund? If he sold a watch that doesn't work without saying it doesn't work then it doesn't matter how much of a discount it was, it is not allowed.

Items have to be of merchantable quality to be legally sold. Unless the watch was stated to be broken at the point of sale, it breaches the Sale of Goods Act, and you are entitled to demand a full refund.
If the jeweller refuses, you can either report him to Trading Standards or sue him for the full cost in the small claims court.
I can’t understand why you think you have to be stuck with a broken item that clearly doesn’t perform its function.

I think OP said it couldn’t be repaired or replaced for free - because it’s an end of line. But it should certainly be able to be refunded, so that’s what I’d be pushing for.

Doesn't seem right that your husband's feelings trump yours when it's your present. He should care that it's right for you and be prepared to take it on the chin if he is gently told it's not.

As long as you do it kindly I think you should be honest about the (undesirable and unwearable) present he's got you. If it really upsets him then that is kind of his choice to feel that way! He doesn't have to tbh.

He's bought you something you didn't want, don't like and is broken. I think it's undesirable to feel you have to gush with gratitude about that. All the stuff about showing it off to impressed friends sounds about him and not you frankly.

I learned the hard way ALWAYS accept gifts gratefully and pretend you like them. I caused someone so much hurt more than once with my ‘honesty’ I wouldn’t do it again. Can you eBay discretely it in a year or two?

@MouseClogs

The jeweller he bought it from is breaking the law. You have statutory rights and they must abide by them. Doesn't matter what the jeweller claims; they cannot override your statutory rights.

Which.com has template letters you can use for online or in-store purchases that are not fit for purpose. Use them. Get the repair free and keep your husband happy or get the full refund.

I'd be very nervous of pretending to like it; incase you end up with years of wasted money on watches in a similar vein - or other jewellery. He won't want to hear that you don't like it and he got it wrong; but he'll be able to get a refund and it's better now than when he's bought a whole lot of jewellery in this design thinking that you like it.

Which.co.uk!

Please don't be 'honest'

He'll be really hurt, and really, he's just made a mistake, it's not the end of the world.

Oh my god please DO be honest! I’d hate to think my husband was lying to me about how he felt about a gift. What’s a marriage without honesty? As a PP wisely said, his feelings about your gift don’t trump your feelings about your gift.

DH once fought me a pendant for a birthday that was a total horror. He has great taste normally and he did say it was much bigger than he’d expected when he ordered it.

I said thank you, what a lovely idea, it wasn’t really me and while it would suit loads of people I couldn’t imagine when I’d wear it. He said he totally understood, was glad I was honest as I’d be the one wearing it and he’d return it and get me something else. Neither of us would want to end up repeatedly buying the other things they didn’t really love because of some misguided desire to avoid hurt feelings.

I can’t imagine an adult being so sensitive and precious they’d rather their spouse was unhappy or uncomfortable than honest.