V sensitive DH & present I don't like

[MouseClogs]

A very trivial one in the grand scheme of things but am unsure what is the best thing to do here.

DH has presented me with a birthday present that is v naff/tacky (he doesn't realise this) and is an item I would never use/wear. He got it vastly reduced, but when it turned up it wasn't functional and he's been informed that it will need to be sent for repair to the tune of at least 20 quid.

I'm desperate not to hurt his feelings, but we are very short of money - even the small amount we paid for it is more than we can really justify at the mo, and I don't want him to waste money (even more with repair costs on top) on something that will in all likelihood gather dust. He has told me he had visions of me showing it off to impressed friends, but it really isn't that sort of item

It was ovenchips, everything they said!

The only people I lie to about loving odd gifts are my DSC who put a lot of thought into things but tend to be overly blingy. I smile, say huge thanks and wear them at the weekend when we’re not going out

I don’t lie to my husband. He wouldn’t want me to!

My dh bought me jewellery for Christmas I didn’t like. A whole set of it too (necklace, earrings and bracelet). It was too expensive to pretend to like and never wear. He guessed I didn’t like it from my face when I opened it (I tried to hide it, honest!) but didn’t say anything. I had to say something a few days later. It was excruciating and he was upset BUT we returned it, I picked out something else which I have worn loads so it all worked out fine. He did eventually say he was glad I told him, he was just upset it he had got it so wrong - tbh I was a bit miffed he had no idea about my taste but the main thing is we are grown ups with a good relationship so one present fail was not the end of the world!

My DH can be a bit sensitive but he'd be more upset ultimately if I pretended to like something I didn't. I've found ways of gently telling him a gift hasn't worked out. I shower him with affection and gratitude while explaining to him that this one didn't working this time. Over time he's come to learn that it's better this way and he's changed his gift-buying habits AND his reaction to the gift not being the right one.

You can say it very kindly, and emphasise how flattered and grateful you are that he got your a surprise gift, that it makes you feel really loved, but that you're very sorry it hasn't worked out for you... Tell him how guilty you feel saying that at all and you just wanted to be honest because that matters to you in your marriage, and that you believe you'd be hurting him more in the long run by pretending it was exactly the right gift because you would be misleading him.

If he's going to be sad, then hopefully being as loving as you can will be enough to help him deal with it, emphasising the goodness of his intentions and how grateful that makes you feel towards him for being so thoughtful.

If, on the other hand, you think he's going to act like a big child and throw a tantrum or give you the cold shoulder, turn that is emotionally manipulative and you shouldn't stand for it, AND you should go ahead and be honest anyway. Just be as loving and kind as you can. Honesty doesn't have to be cruel.

I understand the posters saying "don't be honest!" but I would only agree with that if it was a friend or a less-close relative, I disagree when it comes to your DH. The reality is that surprise gifts are always hard to judge, and they come with the risk that you might get it wrong.

I think you have to find a diplomatic way to say that whilst you love that he thought about you and spent time finding something for you, you're not really sure that you'll ever get the chance to wear it and is there any way you that could swap it for something that you could wear more, as that would mean a great deal to you.

If the item isn't functional any way, then the jeweller should repair it free of charge, or exchange it - unless it was sold cheaply because it was broken and that was clearly specified when the item was purchased.

I think if you lie and pretend to like it, then you are doing him and you a disservice, because that's not what a good relationship should be about. You also leave yourself open to more stuff like it in the future!