Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Ethical dilemmas
Original poster

Am I the worst person ever

31 replies

abigidiotttt · 29/10/2017 19:15

My boyfriend thinks I'm getting an abortion and says he doesn't wish to stay together if I keep the child.

I've lead him to believe I've got one (an abortion) booked just to keep him sweet but
I have a scan booked for Tuesday (at a hospital) I told him that rather than having to go for a scan alone in the abortion clinic, I'll have the dating scan at the hospital so he can come with me.

I told him that it'll just be a completely normal scan that everyone woman has so to expect normal chit chat from the sonographer and don't mention the abortion. He fell for it hook, line and sinker.

I'm hoping that he'll see the scan and completely change his mind. I know this is so stupid of me but I am so desperate. If he doesn't come round I'm not going to keep lying to him and I'll come forward with the truth

Am I a sick individual?

OP posts:
justdontevenfuckingstart · 29/10/2017 19:16

yes

Winterfellismyhome · 29/10/2017 19:17

You shouldn't lie to him but he also cannot force you to have an abortion. It's your body. You can't make someone want a baby. You may have to face up to the relationship being over. Flowers

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 29/10/2017 19:18

I think your relationship is over but you obviously want to keep your baby. Stay away from silly game playing and be honest. If he won't support your decision then he's not a great partner.

Grumblepants · 29/10/2017 19:18

You are not sick at all, but it does sound like you are on an awful situation. I don't have any advice other than you just have to do what feels right for you. I hope it all works out and good luck with the scan.

kittytom · 29/10/2017 19:19

No, you just sound scared and backed into a corner. There are heaps of old threads about this. If you don't want an abortion, you don't have to have one. He is emotionally blackmailing you by saying you won't stay together if you don't. That is not good.

PurpleDaisies · 29/10/2017 19:20

Don’t trap him into coming to the scan. Absolutely no good will come of it.

It’s entirely your decision about whether to have the baby. You just need to tell him.

sourpatchkid · 29/10/2017 19:28

He won’t change his mind - I very much wanted my baby but often the scans aren’t clear enough to show what I think you’re hoping it will show

Sorry you are going through this

VioletCharlotte · 29/10/2017 19:29

You're not a sick individual. You're being pushed into something you don't want to do. But tricking him and getting him to come to the scan isn't the right way to go about it. If you want to keep the baby, you need to be prepared to go it alone if it's not what he wants.

Whatever you do, please make sure it's 100% your decision.

AnyFucker · 29/10/2017 19:30

Get rid of the boyfriend and keep your baby

No good will come of this gameplaying. Grow up, love. You are going to be a mother now. Congratulations Flowers

Bubblebubblepop · 29/10/2017 19:31

You're not sick but this is such a stupid idea it's untrue

Rheged · 29/10/2017 19:33

Gosh, of course you’re not sick! I’m shocked at the poster saying you are.

You’re pregnant and you want to keep your baby. That’s completely understandable. However, you do sound a bit naive, lovely. I really wouldn’t bank on him changing his mind. Absolutely have the baby if you want to - do not agree to an abortion you don’t want to keep him happy. But you need to face the fact you might be going it alone.

NerrSnerr · 29/10/2017 19:35

You’re not sick but I don’t think you should try and trap him. He’s allowed to not want a baby, just like you’re allowed to want one. It just means your relationship isn’t going to work.

AgentProvocateur · 29/10/2017 19:35

This is a really, really bad idea. Cruel and manipulative too.

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 29/10/2017 19:38

It's not deliberately cruel and I think the boyfriend has been crueller by pressuring OP with the threat of him ending the relationship. Either way, the relationship is over. You'd resent him too much, OP, if you went ahead with an abortion you didn't want.

Santawontbelong · 29/10/2017 19:39

How is it cruel to make him look at it but OK for him to tell her to kill it?

Steeley113 · 29/10/2017 19:45

I don't think it will change his mind at all personally. Just tell him the truth, you are having a dating scan and are keeping the baby.

SummerRoberts · 29/10/2017 19:50

You’re not sick at all. It is your body and your decision. But you need to be honest with him. You’re going to have to tell him that you’re keeping this baby and stop lying to him. You’re not a bad person for keeping your baby at all but he deserves to know the truth.
Good luck Flowers

ppandj · 29/10/2017 21:39

I don't think you are a terrible person, I mean obviously this isn't great behaviour morally and you will have to tell him the truth eventually one way or another, but you sound like someone who is desperate to keep her baby and that is a normal and natural feeling.

In honesty, I don't think this plan will work and may cause problems later on. Parenting brings such a big lifestyle change and if he didn't really want this child then he may resent them or you in the future if you do stay together. I think if he really does not want to keep this baby and you do then your relationship is over. Please don't make a decision based on him. Do what is right for you. It is too big a decision about something you desperately want in your life to let him make it for you.

letsdolunch321 · 29/10/2017 21:46

You are not a sick individual.

The things you have to think about are

Do you think your boyfriend will make a good father?

Have you got a good family who will help support you as being a single parent is not easy?

Financially is this something ypu can do yourself in looking after a small baby ?

Hope whatever decision you come to It all works out for you

PurpleDaisies · 29/10/2017 21:48

Do you think your boyfriend will make a good father?

Er, he’s told the op that he won’t stay with her unless she has an abortion. Confused

InvisibleKittenAttack · 30/10/2017 07:28

You aren't a bad person, but this is unlikely to work.

Forget him, the reality is that if you have an abortion you don't want in order to keep him, your relationship will be over anyway. I have never heard of a man who tried to force his girlfriend to abort coming round to the idea and being a good dad.

So no matter what, you are on your own. Do you want to have this baby or not?

Make your choice and tell him. Expect him to leave. Your relationship pretty much ended when he decided to tell you what to do with your body.

Jasminedes · 30/10/2017 07:35

You're already having to lie to keep him sweet - what would he do that you are afraid of? Get yourself in a safe situation and then be honest, before the scan. Unless you think he will prssure you into an unwanted abortion, in which case, get yourself into a safe situation away from him to continue your pregnancy and worry about him later.

PleaseDoTellMeAgain · 18/12/2017 14:40

Regardless, this is not the guy for you.

I'm not demonising him as I feel he has as much of a choice as you do, but emotionally blackmailing him is not the way to go, ever.

Tinty · 18/12/2017 15:35

OP You are not a big idiot, you are however going out with one. You are not sick, but it is a very long shot that taking him to the scan may make him change his mind. Have you been together long? How well do you really know him? Is he just jumping to abortion because he is scared? Does he have children already? Only you know the answers (hopefully), to these questions.

I think you need to decide whether you want to keep the baby and go it alone, knowing that you will be tied to this man for a very long time.

I think you should get rid of him whatever you decide, he is not a very nice person, to issue you with an ultimatum that it is either him or the baby. I couldn't even consider staying with a man that would say that, unless you feel that he is just panicking and stressed out and suggesting an abortion because he is frightened.

He must have a very big ego if he thinks that you should choose to have an abortion to keep him. I can understand a man suggesting an abortion in panic but to say that he will only stay with you if you have an abortion is horrible.

Congratulations and good luck with whatever you decide.

ShirleyPhallus · 18/12/2017 15:38

Thus is quite an older thread now, what did you end up doing OP?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.