I’m broken or nearly

[getmeadrinkor12]

I will try to be brief. I’m 4 hours away from 6 elderly relatives all in various stages of need. My parents and their siblings/spouses. There are 2 others of my generation nearer but they have Very Important careers which I used to have too but now semi retired, but the work I do have is full of stress and deadlines. My own health isn’t great. I do everything I can from a distance, admin, arranging deliveries and so on and we phone all the time. Elderly relatives all comfortably off so pay for whatever help they can. But…I’m under increasing pressure to be there, take them to appointments, sort stuff out. How do you balance it all? How do you set boundaries? I feel broken already and it’s not even that bad yet in terms of their health and needs.

Where I live there is a Neighbourhood scheme

Local volunteers will take pre booked people to appointments, shopping
However a donation towards vehicle fuel is expected. It is cheaper than taxis.

People can also ask for emergency pet sit, home help, DIY, for short amounts of time.
A donation is expected for time.

Look for something similar for your relatives.
Or they pay for proper local help.

You set boundaries by saying no.

If you want to , only do what you can from a distance. Like car insurance or tasks like that . Anything else is too far away . Plus you are still working and your days off you need to do your own things . If they are well off they can certainly throw money at the problems, no point in saving it for Care
I had to put plans in place for elderly relatives. Only did what I could as I did want to help a bit . I told them to engage other help - I did not want to ask cousins, etc, for help as if they refused I knew I would be annoyed . I had one Aunt ring every night when her husband died , weeping , probably with a few glasses of wine in her for my sympathetic ear . But she had 5 DCs ! Eventually I did call her DD to tell her . She was horrified and put a rota in place so each DC would call their mother every night .