Friend reported me to Social Services

[RainbowPeppercorns]

I have been a carer to my elderly parents for many years now. They are both in their early nineties and Dad has just been diagnosed with a terminal condition that means he probably doesn't have long.

Until a few weeks back he was in a care home whilst we made adaptations to their home with some assistance from Occupational Therapy.

He is now back home. We are nursing him in bed as he can't really get up.

It has been such a difficult time. Unfortunately there have been some clashes with my mother over his care. She used to be a GP and has always been very vocal and forthright. They also didn't have a particularly easy marriage. There has been verbal conflict and I ended up throwing stuff around and walking out.

All OK now, apologies etc. She still believes she did nothing wrong by shouting and screaming at me over a tiny thing but I understand as we are both suffering anticipatory grief.

I've been confiding in and leaning on a friend of many years. He was a social worker but had a nervous breakdown and left the profession. Unfortunately he has rang Social Services and told them I have been violent towards my parents.

The police have been to take a statement and my Mum is totally horrified and insisting she doesn't want me prosecuted. Adult Protective Services are investigating.

The case worker told me who reported me. Apparently they are legally obligated to do so.

I haven't spoken with friend yet but I feel really let down.

I’m sure there were ways to do that which didn’t involve putting in process sending the police around to interview the grieving wife and daughter of a terminally ill elderly man.

I probably wrote that the wrong way around. Basically I was saying that if she had thrown something at her mother, hit her mother or was financially abusing her or repeatedly verbally abusing her the friend would not be unreasonable to make a safeguarding referral without discussing it with OP.
On the other hand,if she confided in a friend that she wasn’t coping and had lost her temper and thrown stuff around randomly on one occasion, it does seem heavy handed and he could have talked to her about looking after herself and getting some support.
My main point was that a retired social worker is just an ordinary citizen and doesn’t have a different level of responsibility from anyone else.
I had one experience when my daughter was at Primary school when another parent told her child not to play with my daughter because I was a social worker and would be checking on them and could take her into care. When not at work I was, of course. no different from any other parent. If I witnessed abuse I would have reported it but I wasn’t going out of my way to look for it or trying to conduct a covert assessment.

I think the fact that you would only report abuse if you were legally obligated is honestly quite chilling.

I do not consider my morals to be flexible in the way you describe.

I don’t think that’s what was said, everyone has a moral responsibility to report abuse, although people may have different opinions as to where the line lies.
A retired social worker is no different from anyone else.

Thank you. At least one person on here bothers to read a post and not imagine what is in it.

I didn't say that and you know it. I find it quite chilling that you believe that you have totally inflexible morals.

Well, I wouldn’t be talking to your so-called friend again. Jeez. Isn’t it time they went into a Home though? It sounds like a miserable existence for all of you, frankly.

yup. There was an attempt by the RCN, many many years ago now, to require registered nurses to follow the same rules about CPR and other actions in their out of work time as when they were at work. This would mean that they would eg have no choice at accident sites. Clinicians who hold a professional registration are expected to generally behave in ways that will not bring the profession into disrepute and this can affect how they behave when not at work, so they aren't entirely free to behave as ordinary citizens (not sure if this applies to social workers) but once retired, their legal and professional duty ends unless they maintain their registration by paying the fee and continuing their CPD.

The same principles (behaviour outside of work) do apply to social workers, and it's more common for social workers to retain their registration when out of work because the CPD required can be done through self study and reflection, compared to nursing where I believe you have to have more practical experience to keep your PIN (unless that's changed)

Seems to be tolerated when its the other way around though. A male friends girlfriend is a carer for her elderly mum who is in her 70s Her mum does NOT like her having a boyfriend. Shes gone through her daughters entire bedroom. This was after finding a necklace my friend had given to her daughter and she also insists on going through her daughters bag every time shes been out with him. Its sick

You can’t keep your registration for long if you aren’t actually working as a Social Worker

Says who? In England and Wales you can, it may be different elsewhere. There is nothing in the SWE practice standards that require you to have a social work role. I know people who have had their registration since gaining it after graduation, and have never had the job title of social worker.
Obviously if you wanted to go into practice you'd need to evidence at interview how you could meet the person spec to be competent at the job, but that's different from retaining professional registration.

I’m probably out of date as I have been retired for a while but I recall having to give examples from practice when I renewed my registration (Wales)

That's not been required for a long time, not under SWE or HCPC (I think the requirements under GSCC were more stringent). You can use anonymised practice examines in your CPD when you re-register, but the way the requirements are written they're actually easier to meet by reflecting on training courses, research articles and reflective discussions with other professionals, all of which can be done without being in practice. Obviously if you're not in a social work role you have to be proactive to achieve that, but it's pretty straightforward.

Yes Nurses and clinicians generally can maintain their CPD for longish periods without being in employment and often do between jobs for various reasons. I was actually talking about someone like the OP's "friend" who has retired. Sorry if I wasn't clear.

Sorry you were clear, I was just making the point that it's even easier for social workers to stay registered than it is for clinical staff, so many do. Honestly, I think it's probably less about any external pressure re professional standards, and more that when you've done those sort of jobs you can't switch off that training, it's drilled into you!

indeed. I have been retired over 15 years from OT still apologetically ask to tie people's shoe laces if they are undone and the person is obviously unable to tie it themselves without sitting down. I have to restrain myself from commenting to people whose walking sticks are the wrong length or to wheelchair pushers who are manoevring wheelchairs wrongly. I think we are violently in agreement actually!