Can I text neighbours and say about mum's birthday?

[EmailsaysOOO]

My mum is about half an hour away. I can't see her on her 90th birthday which is this Monday. Mum has dementia - not too bad yet, and a heart condition. I feel sad that she may not hear from many people on Monday other than her carers.

I am in regular contact with the couple below her - fit and well in their late 60s/.early 70's I expect.. Whenever there is an issue with tradespeople coming in etc, they will let them in, do things such as this for my mum..

Also there are 2 ladies of the same age, one of whom my mum used to love chatting with when she was more mobile..

I don't know if it's rude or cheeky to text any of them to say by the way my mum will be 90 on Monday.. They might want to send her a card..

What do you think ? Thanks in advance..

I think that's a lovely idea.

How long ago did your mother see the two ladies?

Neighbours…. Definitely

Tell her carers for sure

@Nobg because she is less mobile these days she doesn't bump into these ladies so often .I wouldn't be surprised if she's not seen the one she most likes for maybe three months.. This lady is Irish and my mum seems to always get on well with the Irish .

The other one, who she does like but isn't so wildly enthusiastic about, we bumped into about 4 or 5 months ago when we happened to be in the same coffee shop in town.

I'm afraid I've been unclear. All three are neighbours. Just that my mum's flat is on the first floor, above the couple and the ladies are on the ground floor a few flats down the side.

I've messaged the carers already . That didn't feel forced, that seemed easy..But these neighbours although I know all their numbers, well it might sound a bit presumptuous, no ? Might it come across as if. I'm telling them to go out and get her a card? How can I word it politely and delicately?.

Forget the two other ladies

and the neighbours…. Have you sent anything for your mum @EmailsaysOOO ? Because you could say “hi it’s mum’s birthday tomorrow and I have sent a package, please could you look out for it if left on doorstep. Thanks”

and then no pressure

I would text and say something like, “Hi x, just dropping you a quick message as it’s my mum’s 90th on Monday and I’m sadly not going to be able to get there to see her in person. If it’s not too much trouble, might you be able to knock on at some point during the day? I’d really like for her to see at least one friendly face. Absolutely no problem if not convenient though”

@Nobg thanks. To be honest I really don't know what to do about a present. I am going there tomorrow. I'm having cancer treatment so am avoiding shops but will probably ask husband to buy her a plant and some nice chocolates. She isn't expecting vast amounts. So she will have these in advance of the birthday. So there's no real need to involve neighbours below as in I don't need their help with presents.

I wonder if it would really mean much to your mother to get cards from these neighbours? My mother had dementia and she lost track of who people were. Your mother may be very happy to just have the interaction with her familiar carers, and you are seeing her at the weekend too. So I wouldn't worry too much about the actual day.

I can't think of a way to phrase it that doesn't sound like you are expecting them to go and buy her a card, sorry - maybe someonelse will.

I hope your treatment goes well.

Right so ask your husband to pop in
and along with the carers
that will be enough
anything more… confusing

If she has dementia.. I doubt she’s expecting anything

@Nobg I can't ask husband to go there on her birthday. He is already doing so much for her. Food shops ,linen washes, sorting her pill collections. I can't ask more. In fact one thing I've not mentioned that perhaps I should have is that we are also seeing her next Thursday when my kids will also be there for a belated birthday party.

@catofglory thanks for your post and thanks for the good wishes. I think you're right. It would be difficult to phrase a text in a. Way that doesn't come across as a bit pushy. and yes, I think she'll be ok. I will phone and I might get some of the kids to call also.

Ok so just focus on that
but if your DH is close to her… he may well want to pop over on her birthday

Invite them for birthday cake at your belated party?

Hi xx, mum will be 90 on Monday. We would love if you can join us for a cup of tea and birthday cake on Thurs at 6pm..

It's up to them if they can pop in on the actual birthday day then......you could say you unfortunately can't make it down on that day. If they are close, they might, but either way they will get to celebrate it with her

Perhaps you could text the neighbours and invite them to pop in for a piece of birthday cake when you're there with the family on Thursday - that might be a nice thing to do anyway - and use that as the reason for letting them know. The invitation would also serve as a way of thanking them for the little things they are already doing for your mum.

This is genius
also a way to thank them

Is she in retirement flats or just normal flats?

I would go with the invitation to join you all for cake. My mum is 90 tomorrow, and that's what we've done. She's in a nursing home now with moderate dementia but we've invited her former neighbours and various friends to drop into the home for afternoon tea between 2-4 tomorrow if they're not busy and they wish. No pressure on them to RSVP or offer excuses. For presents I've got her books, (she still reads constantly even if she can't remember what she's reading), some fancy chocolate and some lovely smelling soap made locally. My sister has got her plants, fancy shower gel and new pjs. My MIL has sent beautiful flowers, and one of my school friends is bringing her a tin of fancy biscuits that I'm sure will go down well.

PS happy birthday to your mum for Monday, and good wishes to you for your cancer treatment; I'm hopefully coming out the other side of mine(though I didn't tell my mum since if she remembered it would only worry her, and if she didn't remember she'd get the shock every time it was mentioned)

@Dancer48.ooh I think you're onto something there..yes I could definitely suggest that.. great idea 💡😊

@sittingonabeach they're for senior citizens.i think. No young people live there..But not warden assisted .

So you are seeing her at the weekend and again on Thursday, that is lots of time and attention for her. I really wouldn't feel bad about Monday! It sounds like you and your husband do so much for her.

I like the idea of the Thursday invite text BUT it depends what stage of dementia she is. She may find it overwhelming and confusing to have too many people in her flat at one time. You'll be able to judge if it's a good idea.

Ah that's lovely. Your mum is going to love this.. Happy birthday to her ! 💘

This reads perfectly to me.

Too often we don't reach out to others like this out of fear of causing offence, whereas in 99% of cases people don't mind and appreciate that by expending a tiny bit of effort they can make someone's day better. If they don't want to do it, they can ignore it or make an excuse, but I bet they won't.

Sorry to hear about your cancer treatment and hope it all goes away. For what it's worth, you sound lovely 💐💐