LPA and People to Notify- 'difficult' sibling

[Hillyweather]

Mum is in the early stages of dementia and wants me to have finance LPA. I have been helping her with all her finances and admin etc for a while and work in finance so I think almost everyone we know would agree that this is a sensible decision in her best interests. The complication is that I do not get on with my sibling who wants to move in with her and become her primary carer. I have my own views on that, and how long it will last for, but he has said that he thinks he should have finance LPA. I have discussed this at length with Mum and she is adamant that she definitely wants me to have it, mainly because on the few occasions that sibling has been asked to do any admin type tasks they have been left for ages and she worries about whether things will be done properly. She will not tell him that, but plans to tell him that she just wants me to do it because I already know about her finances etc and she knows he is already too busy really. I am not prepared to have joint finance LPA because I don't trust him to do things 'by the book' and don't want to risk being linked with any mismanagement if OPG were to look at what was happening when she no longer has capacity.
My question is, in this situation, do I need to send him a 'person to notify' form? I can see that he might take it almost as an invitation to object (to make things harder for me and/or try to make mum change her mind) so perhaps better for mum to tell him that it has been done but not pre-notify him. But if he is not notified and later decides to object is that more of a problem? Mum has some siblings that we could notify if we feel we want to notify someone who could talk to mum etc if they had any questions about whether she really wanted the LPA.

Any other experience/advice on dealing with LPA in similar circumstances would be really helpful too. I am rather wary about taking on this role if it might leave me open to objections etc but know from another family member's experience how costly and difficult it is if no one has LPA when someone loses capacity.

I don’t think you are obligated to notify your sibling. I think it’s your mum who needs to decide if she wants to notify anyone (not you) and it’s entirely optional. I imagine your mum doesn’t want your brother notified?

It is your DM who chooses to have any (or none) "person to notify" for her PoA to ensure that she's not being coerced. It is certainly not mandatory for her to have anyone nominated in that role. And it is not your position to name one for her. She is asking you because she doesn't feel convinced that your DB would always act in her best interests, which is the whole purpose of having a PoA appointed. Why does he even have to know at this point?

Thanks. Just to clarify, the reference to me sending the form etc was because I help Mum with all her admin as she has very poor vision. It will, of course, be Mum's decision but she always asks for my advice. Mum has discussed the POA with my brother because he was at a meeting with her where she was strongly advised to have one and has been asking her when this will be done (I think he's under the impression that even if he has POA I will do all the paperwork for it). Initially I think he assumed it would be joint POA with me, but he has recently been telling her he thinks it should just be him. She has told me she is worried that he would not do things properly (I agree with her). I'm just trying to consider what would be the best way to do as she wishes with the least fuss and with least likelihood that he tries to cause problems later down the line.

If you want to do a belt and braces job, take her to see a lawyer specialising in this. Get them to do the forms and ask them to see her alone to give her advice. Ask them to take detailed file notes on the decision making process, that they have seen her without you present in order to ensure that she is not being coerced, and ask them to document that they think she has capacity to make this decision. But do it soon while she still has capacity or it will be a million times harder for you.

This!
I would have thought a solicitor’s involvement was mandatory.
It is a legal document!
I have been through the process and my parents chose me for POA
my brother did have to be told.
I am not in UK though.
My parents used excuse that I lived closer - brother still didn’t like it but the most important thing is for your parent to choose the right person for POA not the one who shouts loudest.

No, you don’t have to have a solicitor involved. If your mum has sufficient ££££ she may wish, however, to engage the services of one if she’s keen to protect you from any fall-out (ie brotherly anger) further down the line. However, this is not a necessity as the form reflects your mother’s wishes and is absolutely a legally-sound document.

Thanks everyone. I'll give some thought to involving a solicitor. I have helped MIL complete LPA forms in the past and we didn't use a solicitor then but we didn't have the complications of dementia or siblings who may have objected (she just wanted to get things in place for future use if needed). If Mum agrees I think it may be best to have the LPA witnessed by a solicitor etc and just tell my brother when it's done. He will need to know, as Mum wants me to start using the LPA as soon as possible and he if I do that I will have to make it clear to him that I will be obliged to stop him using Mum's bank card etc and instead organise any payments he needs through me.

I was in a not dissimilar situation and we just didn’t notify the other siblings. It hasn’t caused any problems. I’m extremely careful with everything though. When my Mum dies I’m planning on setting up a whattsapp and inviting my sibling to it and documenting everything. There won’t be one penny that is spent out of place.
I do all the caring etc for my Mum but unlike a lot of Mumsnetters I don’t think I should be rewarded financially for it.

IIRC the old Enduring Power of Attorneys did have a very clear and extensive process of notifying ranks of people but that wasn’t replicated in the LPoA process.