Advice on writing a simple eulogy for my mother's requiem mass

[Tolkienista]

My mother died two days ago on June 30th, she'd been on end of life care since the end of February & astounded everyone by how long she lived despite being bedbound, in cognitive decline and losing so much weight.
The end came very very quickly, over the course of 6 hours or so, gradually her body shut down.
She lived in a wonderful care home.

I've never written a eulogy in my life, but I've volunteered to write hers and say it at her requiem mass. I've got copies of two excellent eulogies from cousins who wrote them for their mothers & what strikes me is the simplicity of their eulogies pretty much in chronological order, which is what I want to do.

I've already started writing sub headings , so I've got ideas, but any pointers, advice or experience please share and inspire me.

I was going to say to put things in chronological order, and touch on different parts of her life - her childhood family, her work, her falling in love / getting married, being a Mum, what she enjoyed doing. A small story here and there that will make people smile.

I would get together with siblings, and Aunts / Uncles if you have them to make sure their input is there too - particularly from the times before you were born, or before you can remember.

It is a difficult thing to write, but is actually quite theraputic if you can sit with people who knew her most of their lives and get into "Do you remember when....?" chats, which make you smile about all the happy memories, even though they won't all make it in.

I am sorry for your loss

Very sorry for your loss.

Can be hard to find a starting point and can be a challenge depending on what type of person they were and the relationship you had.

I would suggest it is like a summary of their life- from where they were born to their later years - where they were born, their family, marriage/ children/ grandchildren/ pets/ faith/ friendships

Include their achievements in life - can be anything from family/ friends/
hobbies/ occupation / voluntary work.
Can reference any challenges they had as those who knew her well would have some awareness.

Reference to what they themselves valued and appreciated in life.

Try to find some humorous anecdotes/ phrases/ which can lighten the moment and may reflect how people remember her. I have laughed in some funerals when a funny anecdote was told at great length which was a fond memory for many.

it is good to have some examples of that you liked to give some starters.

So sorry for your loss. Some great advice here. For my dad I found it such a comforting experience to work on the eulogy with our celebrant as a family (my mum who he was divorced from and brothers). It was sad but it felt good to honour his life and remember happier memories.

Thank you for your message, that is very helpful. As I said, I've made a start and yes my start is chronological order. She had a very fulfilled happy life & a few years back I did touch on if I were writing a eulogy what I could put in and she gave me information that I wrote down and will use when putting it together.

Great advice, fantastic.....much appreciated. Agree with everything you've said. I have been to many funerals and mentally made notes about what works and yes I do intend to put in some funny stories. There will be a lot of people there and while I'm dreading standing up to deliver it, my long career in teaching should help, hopefully!

Yes that's the key for me, I'm dreading standing up to deliver it, but I truly want to "honour her long life" she really did have a great life and touched so many lives along the way.

You’ve had some great advice and I’m sure your years of facing a classroom will stand you in good stead at the funeral .
I’d suggest you have someone ( preferably another family member, or a close friend of yours ) primed to take over the reading of the eulogy if you feel on the day that you just can’t , or it becomes too much for you to continue.
My daughter was “on alert “ just in case - didn’t need her in the end but it was a comfort having a Plan B.
Basically I got through it by focussing it was the last thing I was ever going to do for my Mum.
I had a couple of wobbles at certain phrases -
but I felt I did her proud.
You will too, sweetheart .

Sorry for your loss. I’ve never written a full eulogy but have contributed to too many close loved ones recently. What has helped for me, is writing it into chat gpt and asking for suggested improvements, some which I used to make it flow better /seem more polished.

You’ve had a lot of good advice, and I’m sure your experience as a teacher will stand you in good stead.

I did my dad’s and I’m very glad I did. It was so hard, and I was worried about not getting through it. It was only at the very end I faltered.

Only thing I can think to add is I made a point of addressing the different groups that came- so his work colleagues (he’d been retired a 2 years but about 30 people came), friends from his sport/hobby that he was very involved with and of course family. They were all very important to him and I wanted them to feel included, so I made sure to talk about his experiences/love of different areas of his life and the people in it. I finished on family and particularly my relationship with him. I had that as the very end as that was the bit I was likely to choke.

So sorry for your loss. I read my dads eulogy at his mass and felt it was the last way I could honour him. Chronological order is best. Take a deep breath, a tissue and you will get through this and on reflection it will give you comfort. Sending love x

Sorry for your loss. x
I wrote and read my mother's eulogy in Feb. I asked members of the family for their memories (funny, kind etc) and based it around those and also the things that she loved (being a mum, grand-mum, hobbies etc). I did aim to make most of it entertaining and funny though, as I would have wanted the same, although the emotion did creep in and you need to remember that whoever is reading it out, will need to keep it together.

Sorry, just realised that you're reading it too. I was OK for the first sad reference but very nearly lost it at the second. Have a back up person, just in case. x

I gave the eulogy for my MIL. I would say, basically keep it short and simple, and make it about the person, not about your own feelings.

Put some jokes in!
Maybe show it in advance to a trustworthy friend who is not too close (and therefore not too emotional) and they can give you feedback on the tone etc.
I did mine pretty much from memory, because it felt more natural (and also because I'm used to public speaking), but I did have a few cue cards.
Give a copy to the celebrant on the day, just in case.

Just to say I’m so sorry for your loss @Tolkienista and wish you well for the day. Loads of great advice on here so I can only add that I went with the celebrant reading mine and I kind of wish I had at least tried, so I’m glad you’re minded to try. A sibling got through their eulogy but had the celebrant as plan b. Overall, I think plan b is a good idea so you know you have one.

But I mainly wish I had involved my children a little bit more, they are awkward teens so that was hard to do. I focussed too much on hosting people who had travelled a long way and making sure I spoke to everyone. The people who saw our Dad most (my DC) were a little sidelined, although there was a teen table - so they may have actually preferred how it turned out!