DM won’t go to GP despite sudden weight loss and back pain

[GoldenGretchen]

DM lives with us. 79, very active up to this week. Lifelong smoker. Dog walking an hour a day, coffee with friends. In the last week she’s suddenly gone downhill. She’s not had a great appetite since March, has put it down to a virus. In the last week she’s stopped eating, just picking at a couple of mouthfuls. She’s lost a huge amount of weight in two weeks or less. Terrible back pain keeping her awake at night. She’s doing almost nothing but lying on her bed. Not cooking, not dog walking, not functioning. She’s clearly very ill. She’s always had white coat syndrome and won’t go to the GP. I have two DCs under 10 at home. I love her, we moved in with her so I can look after her but I need her to go to the GP! She just gets cross with me because she’s frightened. Just venting really so I keep my patience with her as I totally understand why she’s putting her head in the sand but it’s so hard to watch her in pain. I’m realistic about likely outcomes. Glad of this page.

@GoldenGretchen Horrible situation for you but you have done the right thing and she will now get the help she needs, whatever that looks like. Sending hugs to you all.

Thinking of you both.

@SurreySenMum26 I had it with my dad too! There’s a long wait and she’s getting irritable but I’m not taking her home until she’s discharged by the doctors. She’s in a comfortable chair outside majors, so it’s relatively peaceful. Can’t complain having seen what the main waiting room is like. The staff are amazing as always.

Oh goodness. What a day. Impressed with the GP. Wishing you strength throughout the night.

Good for your GP! My Mum couldn’t get an in person appointment with hers, only phone. She was told over the course of two years that her shortness of breath and chest pain were caused by a pulled muscle. She ended up going to hospital for something else, they diagnosed her with terminal lung cancer and she died a few weeks later. So glad your GP listened!

Mum has pancreatic cancer which has metastasised into the spine. I’m going to write and thank the GP. She was on it from
the moment she saw mum. I was sort of prepared but you never really are. She’s being admitted for now for further investigations. Thank you everyone.

I’m so very sorry to hear your news. Wishing the very best for your mum, and for you.

Sorry to hear OP, sending hugs💐

I didn't want to read and move on. Just a hand hold in the early hours of the morning for you and your mum. Xx

So sorry to hear that. What a shock for you. I hope your mum is coping with the news as best as she can. I know you was half expecting bad news but this must be a huge shock

I’m so sorry to read this OP. Please be gentle with yourself today 💗

I’m so sorry to hear this.

I'm sorry to hear that. I'm guessing you were expecting this kind of diagnosis. I hope that the doctors can make your dm comfortable. ⁸

Oh I’m sorry it was no doubt the kind of thing she feared but im glad she did go and that you were in A&E together. You’re a very good daughter.

@GoldenGretchen I’m sorry to hear this and glad you were able to get her to the GP and subsequent medical attention. Thinking of you 💐

Hugs op. I suspected that from your initial post, sounded eerily similar to my grandad who also wouldn’t go to the doctor. Thinking of you all

sending you lots of love! I had similar with my dad but it was bowel cancer had spread to his liver by the time they’d found it!

He simply didn’t go to the doctor I’m pretty sure it was the fact we announce we were pregnant that made him go and it was too late!

That must be a big shock, I am so sorry xx

I’m so sorry.

You never are and your DM being given that diagnosis still must have been a huge shock. I hope you manage to get a little time for yourself today so that you can start to process what is going on

I'm so sorry @GoldenGretchen . I was in a similar situation with my own dm - she didn't go to the GP until the cancer was well established. But I kind of understood and respected her decision. Wishing you and your dear mum all the best

I’m very sorry to hear this.

I’m very sorry to hear this, sorry for your DM too whose worst fears have been realised.

I think the way to handle this now is to reassure her that she doesn’t have to have any treatment she doesn’t want but that she can be made a lot more comfortable. Poor poor lady.

I’m so sorry, OP. Even when you think you know and you’re prepared, you never really are. (How could you be?) Well done for being persistent and getting her to the GP. I hope the time your Mum has left is gentle and comfortable.

I’m so sorry OP. At least now you both know and she can access help and support to make her more comfortable 💐