Is a lockable fridge pot mean?

[Weirdconditionaltense]

Will try not to waffle but I'm afraid it's long.

For the background - mum has dementia, has carers twice a day, my brother visiting maybe 3 times a week, also a befriender once or twice a week. I used to visit 3 times a week but having chemo treatment so will probably only be there once a week for next 6 months or so..My brother is a vulnerable adult..he can take up her papers, indigestion tabs , that kind of thing but can't deal with organising her general shopping.

Carers make up a plate for her lunch and this system on the whole is working. A food she loves is pasta. Carers suggested as some variety from the cheese or ham sandwiches why don't I get pasta salad and they would put a portion on the plates. Trouble is she sometimes finds the stuff, puts it in a pyrex bowl, adds milk, microwaves it and eats it all up.

Last time I took her some I said , don't heat it all up in one go because when it's gone it's gone. Had a message from the evening carers to say she was demolishing the whole pot that evening so she was afraid mum had no appetite for any other hot food.

Other thing is activia yoghurts. I could take 8 up there and the next day there might be say 3 left. She just eats what she fancies.

I can't easily replace the pasta and yoghurts at the rate she can eat them.
So shall I buy a lockable container that lives in the fridge?
Would it be better, if I did, to get one that is opaque or black so she doesn't see the yummy stuff inside? Carers could then dole food out as necessary.

Is this mean?

I’m not seeing the issue, if mum eats the whole pot in the evening and has no appetite for other hot food, so what? She’s had a meal. Yoghurts aren’t like she’s eating five Mars Bars a day.

Other than cost, which you do mention. Is there shopping she’s not eating so buy less of that and more pasta? Is it possible for the pasta salad to be home made so cheaper?

If I was elderly with dementia I’d hope nobody denied me whatever pleasure was left to me.

ETA sorry you said you can’t easily replace, not that it was a cost issue.

@SoScarletItWas the issue is, say I get 2 pots of cold salad in her fridge by Saturday, she might have finished them by Monday so that she is back to cheese or ham sandwiches for lunch for Tuesday Wednesday Thursday and Friday. I can't visit as often , can't replace yoghurts and this salad at the rate she can eat it.

Tbh if she is eating the pasta salad cold or hot, then that’s a win - take it!

Can you buy the salad in larger quantities & perhaps even put labels on it, eg her name & what day it is for?
As Activia have a pretty long shelf life & a wide variety of flavours, if the fridge is big enough I’d buy lots - maybe a couple of dozen - so she has options.
Re the sandwich lunches, do you know if she has complained about it? With dementia the individual may not really be bothered by repetition. You / the carers can certainly offer more easy & nutritious fillings, such as chicken, egg mayo, tuna, prawns, all with a variety of salads. (DM has dementia & seems content with cheese & crackers every day, plus an Activia!)

As there are people through the house, they can continue to keep an eye on the rate the food is decreasing.
Maybe also let her have more easy serve options such as bananas, prepared fruit salad & biscuits or crisps, whatever she will enjoy - she deserves to.
I wouldn’t bother with the lock box, it sounds complex and has the potential to cause more trouble than it is worth.

I hope this helps a bit.

Is she distressed by not having anything except the cheese/ham sandwiches on some days, as a result of having eaten up all the variants you have provided?

If she is not, maybe it is ok that she eats those variants up in one go? It seems like it is giving her a bit of agency and pleasure. It must be incredibly stressful for you, having to manage all these practicalities and observe all the changes in your mum, and I think that under the terrible stress of it all we can sometimes feel overwhelmed by the need to manage a million arrangements, and lose sight of the fact that some things might not matter and can be allowed to slide.

What about putting a mini fridge in the garage / garden shed - I would watch about her getting constipated -I know my relatives when in care homes were given what they liked but that meant cake etc no fruit or veg.

I see. I think PP have given good advice.

How about a food delivery twice a week? Whoosh or similar that doesn’t have the £50 limit normal Tesco does. I know this won’t work if DM is rural (I am an we don’t get Uber Eats etc out here) but could that give a more regular top up?

i tend to agree with PP that the repetition of sandwiches may be more of an issue for everyone else than DM.

@CleanSkin thanks yes you have raised some good points. Defo going to think about the labelling idea. She is fairly picky but she isn't going hungry. She makes herself cereals in the afternoon sometimes..it's not a problem getting food to her, more that I'm going to struggle to keep the fridge stocked..But maybe I should start getting a internet shop ordered on a day when I get my brother to unpack it.. that's another option.

No problems with money or my views on what she eats, it's just how do I replace it when she tears through it. Thanks.

I might (genuinely) be missing the point. Couldn’t you just get more delivered?

Great idea, carers can then bring in pasta and yoghurts daily to manage the supply lines!

@Cheesipuff yes that's another idea. That might work . Thanks
Your username is making me hungry :)

@MyThreeWords that's a lovely post, thank you. You're right, I do need to keep things in perspective..And no, she's not complaining about lack of variety, I only started to buy them at the carer's suggestion.. I'm going to keep your words in mind :)

Does she have a freezer? Maybe carers can heat up frozen pasta

If she's happy eating the pasta then having cheese and ham sandwiches for rest of week.. I don't really understand why it's an issue?

I have a similar issue with fresh fruit and ice cream OP. Just can’t keep up with the speed it goes!! I can only go twice a week and regularly get phone calls to say he’s run out!!

he does have a ham sandwich every day. I’ve stopped worrying about the repetition- he’s happy 😆

@Chelmew thanks , yes I might be over-thinking the whole issue.

Luckily mum has no interest at all in fresh fruit. In the last 18 months or so she's only had occasional grapes and a punnet of strawbs now and then. No constipation as far as I can tell so she's getting by ok

I suppose I'm merging two things- the fact she's tearing through certain food before I can replace it plus a general worry about how I'm ever going to be able to keep all her food levels topped up. Had one session of chemo now and managed ok through that so it must be possible. Might explore the dash/ internet shop options, we'll see

She has dementia. I can't get it delivered. She wouldnt be able to bring it in and unpack it

@Students2 this is an issue with keeping her stocked up with cold food. Carers do give her hot meals at dinner time but this is trying to keep her fridge stocked with food for lunchtime.

I can see in time we might need carers in at lunchtime but she's not overly happy with their presence as it is so can't increase that just yet

Can you not time the food delivery so the carers are there. We did that with a relative, who was quite far from us. Not DM/IL or DF/IL.

Sainsburys did one hour slots where they lived. Not a big city.

I'd maybe contact Sainsburys or whoever, they might be able to put that she is vulnerable on the account and that the delivery driver is to bring it in (would she answer the door) if the carers haven't arrived then time the deliveries for the hour before they are due. Or a shed fridge well stocked up definitely sounds like a possibility (depending on the shelf life of eg pasta salad).

It can be very tricky OP. I've worked in aged care before. How much fluid does she drink? Thirst can often be confused as hunger and particularly as we age, that thirst signal can decline. She might be eating such large amounts due to dehydration.

You may not know this level of detail about her, but the 1st wee of the day can be yellow, but ideally, the rest of the day should be almost clear or only very pale yellow. How dry is her tongue if you ask her to poke it out? I'd ask the carers to be encouraging more oral fluids- water, squash etc. Keep a jug near her so they can monitor how much is being drunk through the day. Would she eat individual jelly pots?
There are also these jelly drops.
https://www.jellydrops.com/

If you bought a large tub of yoghurt, rather than individual ones, would she eat the lot? The carer could measure out a bowl full or decant into smaller containers, then keep the larger container in the crisper drawer and have a lock on that.

This should be the perfect solution -
but in my experience the unreliability of the carers timing combined with the unreliability of the food delivery timing made it impossible and just led to many phone calls and a confused and distressed parent 🫣😫

I think a second fridge perhaps in the garage where the carers could go in and keep the garage locked would be a solution? However, I don't see the problem with having sandwiches through the week and a salad on the weekend. I often go through the salads quickly as a single person because I know they'll just go off.

Don't worry about it. When its gone its gone

Could you label the days on each pasta pot