Is a lockable fridge pot mean?

[Weirdconditionaltense]

Will try not to waffle but I'm afraid it's long.

For the background - mum has dementia, has carers twice a day, my brother visiting maybe 3 times a week, also a befriender once or twice a week. I used to visit 3 times a week but having chemo treatment so will probably only be there once a week for next 6 months or so..My brother is a vulnerable adult..he can take up her papers, indigestion tabs , that kind of thing but can't deal with organising her general shopping.

Carers make up a plate for her lunch and this system on the whole is working. A food she loves is pasta. Carers suggested as some variety from the cheese or ham sandwiches why don't I get pasta salad and they would put a portion on the plates. Trouble is she sometimes finds the stuff, puts it in a pyrex bowl, adds milk, microwaves it and eats it all up.

Last time I took her some I said , don't heat it all up in one go because when it's gone it's gone. Had a message from the evening carers to say she was demolishing the whole pot that evening so she was afraid mum had no appetite for any other hot food.

Other thing is activia yoghurts. I could take 8 up there and the next day there might be say 3 left. She just eats what she fancies.

I can't easily replace the pasta and yoghurts at the rate she can eat them.
So shall I buy a lockable container that lives in the fridge?
Would it be better, if I did, to get one that is opaque or black so she doesn't see the yummy stuff inside? Carers could then dole food out as necessary.

Is this mean?

I sympathise OP. I live with my mum who has dementia and I've had to change where I store fresh fruit, otherwise she'll eat 3 bananas in one day.

I think a fridge box would be OK but would your mum understand what it was for or would she take it out and try to get into it?

Otherwise maybe rethink the amount of treats you're buying. So instead of 7 days' worth, with the intention of one portion a day, just buy 4 days' worth and if she eats all that in 2 days, so be it. As long as she's getting nutritious food the rest of the time, she won't really be missing out.

Are the carers preparing the lunch plate in advance and leaving it for her? Would some pasta ready meals be an option for your mum to heat herself? Maybe just 1 or 2 a week?

We have a cool box kept in the porch. Tesco deliver driver puts the bag of chilled food in the cool box, and carers know to check the cool box and move to the fridge (delivery is every 2-3 days). No dementia though, just reduced mobility.

@Weirdconditionaltense

Would the befriender bring some food in.
I visit someone who is housebound twice a week through a volunteer scheme. I take him some food in, not a full shop, just bits to keep him going. Not a problem at all.
Could be worth asking

Good luck with your chemo- Im on week 5 of 12 !

@Giraffeandthedog ooh, that's interesting..I wonder if I should try that..Cheers Giraffe. :)

@Ted27 - thanks and best of luck to you too ! This is the first day I've felt reasonably with -it since two Mondays ago. I must have stupidly thought I'd breeze through it. It's official, I'm an idiot..

I am loving the cool box idea. Perhaps get some ice packs and ask the carers to rotate them with replacements from the freezer to keep things safe a bit longer.

I don't think I wouod go for a lockable box. If dhe eats the ot say of salad thdn there won't bd any more till your next visit. Second fridge in the garage sounds a good idea.

I just thought I'd add a last post in case it might be that someone goes looking for advice if they're in a similar position one day.

Yes we put a small freezer in her study and bought a lock which has the same PIN as carers use for the key box. All working well. Not even sure if my mum realises that's where the ready meals live. No stressed messages from carers who don't like cooking a meal that's meant to be cooked from frozen when it's been out of the freezer on the kitchen surface most of the day. Sorted !

Just thought some people might want to know. It hasn't hurt her feelings at all.

Great resolution ❤

Ha! Realised the original question was about a fridge. How strange. Doesn't seem a major issue any more. Touch wood. I've merged two things in my head. Hey-ho hope it makes some sense !.

Does it matter, so long as DM eats a reasonably balanced diet over the week? It's great that she's interested in food enough to eat every day.

@SonyaLoosemore well it matters because I'm 25 miles away and I can't keep her fridge stocked up for a week. I'm the only one doing food shops. And I've got cancer so haven't got extra time to go down there so much these days. But I've got as a backup plan the Tesco whoosh deliveries which I can probably arrange for a time when the carer will be there for an hour. I think that's going to be the way forward in the next few weeks and months I expect.

Thanks for the update @Weirdconditionaltense. That sounds like an excellent solution. And I just wanted to wish you all the best with your treatment. 💐

Sounds good. Sorry you're not well. I just meant, does it matter if lunch for the last part of the week is ham or cheese sandwiches so long as there have been good meals earlier in the week, but perhaps I misunderstood your point.

@SonyaLoosemore No worries.maybe I'm overthinking it..Doesn't seem to be bothering me so much. I suppose I feel a bit sorry for her that the range of food in her diet seems so small but she's doing ok health -wise and she can always ignore what the carer makes and make sandwiches with jam or marmalade..it's not the end of the world I suppose
.

I think there is no issue with a fridge lockbox for making sure sufficient food is avail for meal times whilst also having some of it avail outside of the lockbox ie its not just the lockbox in the fridge. Its tricky finding meals that are quick for carers to prepare and give to the patient.

People are forgetting that dementia causes a range of issues, not recognising when things are too hot, not understanding time of day or when they are full or have overeaten, impulse control goes and even writing on things may not help as the ability to read and see properly also goes.

It does sound like she might be a bit bored but what can you do TV doesn't hold their attention either.

It seems like she wants hot pasta? You can buy frozen pasta in sauce, portioned, microwaveable - it's usually in the steam bag bit of the frozen aisle with the veg and rice. If she's OK microwaving that from the freezer then you could buy tons of it so she doesn't run out?

OP, you're going to get loads of advice now from people who've seen the thread resurrected and don't bother to read all your responses, but just wanted to say I really feel for you trying to manage dementia at a distance with your own cancer at the same time. That's a lot, hope you have some support around you at home.

What you've described here about the food issue seeming insurmountable a month ago and now seeming relatively unimportant really chimes with our experience of supporting elderly parents with dementia.

It reminded me of the time when our kids were small and we would just get on top of one developmental stage then they would move into a different, but equally challenging new phase. But obviously in reverse, so none of the excitement of watching a new personality emerge, just the distress of watching your loved one disappear.

But - eventually it does pass, one way or another, and you know their suffering and confusion, and your hugely stressful task of supporting them, is over. It was awful going through it but we were glad we were able to be there for them. The forums on here are a really good source of support and practical ideas and it's good you were able to sort this issue out. All the best for your treatment.

@Idlewilderthanks very much for your post .It's nice to know that you understand how it feels, and yes, what seems a problem one day doesn't seem so bad a week or two later. Thanks again. God bless you x

Why isn’t your brother helping out with all
this?

@Nearly50omg he's a vulnerable adult. Never had a job, doesn't drive, has psychiatric issues. He can be relied upon to take the TV times in once a week but can't cope with other sporadic tasks. He is good at turning up randomly and making himself cups of tea. It's ok, that's just how he is.