I'm an only child. We had one child when my parents first raised the idea of us moving in to live with them - they would take the bottom floor of the house - one bedroom and a living room and create a kitchen in the utility room.
As time went on we had more children and my parents moved to a mobile home in the garden - all agreed with the Council etc.
Things were ok for a few years then my dad died. In the meantime mum had begun to struggle with her mobility due to osteoarthritis so I picked up the caring where dad had left off - cooking, cleaning, helping her dress - I became her full time carer.
As the years went on her health deteriorated and her needs became greater. We had carers through social services who started just a week or so before the first lockdown. At this time life was really easy. I had two daughters living at home so lots of support during the day when DM needed company but one daughter got married as soon as lockdown lifted and the other went to university in the September.
So when life returned to normal for a while I found I was unable to leave the house because she needed me all day.
By the beginning of 2021 It was clear to everyone but me that cognitive capabilities were failing. She was hallucinating, calling me in the middle of the night because she thought it was the afternoon, crying with loneliness even though I was with her most of the day, eating all my meals with her and never leaving the house without someone to keep her company, take her to the toilet, help her with the telephone and sort out the tv when she tried to use the remote to ring someone.
The crisis came when she had horrendous diarrhoea and slipped and fell in her bathroom. She ended up going into hospital with a suspected stroke and they made it clear to me that she had dementia and needed 24 hour care which I could not provide.
The day after she went into hospital I had a breakdown and had amnesia. After I phoned my DH with the same message the 4th time he came home from work and took me to hospital!
Unless you are prepared to put your life on hold and be a full time carer don't do it. Caring creeps up on you and what starts as doing the washing and taking to the GP can easily become so much more. And if you love the person you're caring for like I loved my mum it just makes it harder to say no.