Granny Annexe in garden - things to consider?

[stormsurfer]

Looking for advice please about the things I need to consider when putting a granny annexe into my garden for my parents to live in. I’m concerned I may miss some essentials in the building, the services to it and also in establishing boundaries between us.

Has anyone got any tips or suggestions? Any problems that you encountered that I should avoid?

If you have a partner, think about how you'd make it fair by having both sets. If that applies, obviously. If not, you're setting yourself up for serious issues down the line.
In many countries, families live together and it works well. For some, anyway.

I cared for my mother. I'm so glad I did.

I'd recommend:

1. future proofing the annexe, starting with conduction hobs to reduce the risk of burns, right down to a bum-cleaning/drying loo and an extra strong joist in case a hoist is needed one

2. paying for it yourself so that you don't run the risk of complications if they later go into a home

3. agreeing beforehand that if they need help when you can't help, whether due to holidays or social plans or work or anything else, that they will pay for outside help without even hinting that you should cancel plans

4. Agree that although you'll invite them over to your house regularly, they shouldn't just come over whenever they like. You'll need privacy and space.

I miss my parents so much, but I’ll always be glad that I made some sacrifices that enabled me to care for them. We were closer than ever in their final years, and although it was often exhausting and sad, I didn't need to worry because I knew exactly how they were and what was going on.

We hope to move to a house with an annexe for my in-laws in the next couple of years. It'll be harder than caring for my parents, but it's the right thing to do. Society would be a better place if more of us could/ would care for elderly or ill relatives.

MIL didn't have dementia but after her stroke she needed 24 hour care as she was paralysed and non verbal and was terrified if FIL so much as popped to the village shop.
My dad didn't have dementia but needed care because he was deaf, nearly blind and had significant mobility issues.

Yes it is sad but it is very hard to back out of this sort of arrangement if things go wrong. It is much better to be aware of all the possible negatives before committing to something that could be lifechanging in negative and positive ways. I agreed to live with my mum without really thinking about how it would work and really wish I had thought about it more realistically.

Once I might have naively considered it but
Turns out we had far, far less support than the siblings.
My PIL have small hearts and as their world shrinks their in-laws become almost irrelevant. It's not team family.
They played favourites with their own kids and I now see them divide and rule with the grand children. It's easier to observe this at a distance. With teens in the house I don't need someone extra playing into that.
Yes, MIL did nurse her parents a long time ago but it was briefly. The miracle of modern medicine keeps frail people going for much longer. In the 80s FIL would have died from heart failure 15 years ago and MIL would not be rattling around given the number of pills she takes. They are nearly 90, amazingly weak and likely to carry on for 5 more years.

How will they gain access to the street without going through house? Bearing in mind they could have mobility aids?

Has it got appropriate plumbing, drains beneath it?

Would it actually add value to your house?

What would happen if they got sick and expected you to be at their beck and call because of your close proximity?

Would it be classed as a separate dwelling with separate utilities?

Would it need planning permission?

And how much would it impact your own and neighbours privacy?

There are some awful comments on here. Good on you for doing this OP.

My mum and I both sold properties and bought a large 4 bed with a double garage which we converted into an annex. The utility became a kitchenette. I am an only child so no sibling issues. I left the money she put in to the house back to her in my will and took out extra life insurance so if I died my husband could buy out her share. We also did a deed of trust so that in divorce the money mum put in was excluded from any calculations if we split. The house was in my name.

Looking after her here was much easier than the travelling to and from most days. I could make her meals and check on her. Her difficulties were mobility related after a stroke. We did this for 2 years and had hoped to be able to care for her until she died. However she got vascular dementia and it became no longer possible and she had to go into care. I always thought we’d manage her mobility and forgetting and never expected things to turn out the way they did. I am glad we were able to help for a time though.

I definitely recommend separate living space to anyone considering this. We had considered a garden annex too. We used to eat dinner together all of us. Once it got to 7pm, mum would disappear to watch her soaps and I would pop in around 9 to say good night. I took her a cuppa in the morning and made sure she had something to make herself for lunch (and dinner if we were late/out). As she got more forgetful I used to leave her post its. We spent a lot of time together when I wasn’t working and she would entertain DS while I did bits around the house. They had a lovely relationship.

There are some awful comments on here. Good on you for doing this OP.

Never been on your knees scrubbing human urine and faeces out of a carpet while the person who deliberately leaked them there sits laughing at you with their family sat round then? Maybe consider some people’s experiences are different to your own.

Make sure you’ve got planning permission to use it as annexe. If not you could spent a small fortune setting it up and find you have to find alternative accommodation anyway

This happened to a close friend of mine, her DH died suddenly at 51 leaving his 88 year old mother in the granny annex, there was also a disabled child to care for - mother ended up living to 101 and only leaving the annex at 98. It was a decade of grief, stress and huge arguments with the mil’s other children who didn’t want to know. It absolutely ruined that decade of my dear friend’s life as well as damaging her relationships with her children. These things can get so complicated as you can never foresee the potential issues.

1. planning permission - can you even get it?
2. what will you do with it when they have to do into nursing homes or die?
3. how demanding is mum - will she expect you to be at her beck and call 24/7 if she's there?
4. what facilities are there or how much will it cost to get them there - water, electric etc?

My friends had to move to a bungalow early, he has MS. They found one that was originally a granny annex and when the parents died, the house owners fenced the land round it and made a drive, selling as a beautiful separate dwelling with wheelchair access and the potential to be adapted as my friend deteriorates with stuff like hoists, grab rails etc. No idea how much it cost but I imagine a fair amount!

Have a read through the cockroach cafe threads on here to understand the realities if dealing with frail/ infirm/ demented elderlies.
Many of us “ graduates” from the thread are still living with the impact it had on us. Mine was 18 years.

Exactly this. For every perfect relationship there are many less so, and the sing-song ‘when it’s my turn I hope I will…’ brigade need to report back when they’re 5+ years in.

My grandmother sold her house and moved into an annex attached to my aunt's house. It was self-contained with its own entrance but also with a door from the main house. My aunt and uncle did go on holiday - I am not sure what happened then but there was another aunt who lived relatively close.

My grandmother didn't have dementia and could look after herself although I think my aunt did her washing, a lot of cooking for her etc. Eventually my uncle got cancer and my aunt wanted to look after him so my grandmother went into a home.

When it came to the inheritance my aunt got most of it; my other aunt and my father got some cash gifts along the way. Nobody complained as my aunt had done the care, even though she got the benefit of the annex.

We did this for MIL. Building company took care of planning permission, ground works, landscaping etc. Annex provides bedroom, walk in shower room, open plan living/dining/kitchen. Proviso of planning permission is that is cannot be sold as a separate dwelling at any time now or in the future. Separate entrance from street added so carers can come/go as required without coming through main house.

What a lovely post, I wish this was a realistic possibility for me. Unfortunately, my parents are difficult and it would be awful 😢

I would’ve very wary. My friend had her mother live in an annexe. They had all the conversations before hand but it wasn’t a happy situation.
My friend’s mother became anxious if her daughter came home late or popped in to see a friend without telling her. The mother complained about her grandsons playing football on the lawn and destroying plants. When the mother became ill she had friends around who expected to be bought food and drinks while my friend was working. When my friend’s sister dropped in to see her Mum, she casually left her own young children with my friends older children to look after. This was on a Sunday and they were doing their homework.

Thank you all for taking the time to respond. What a lot to think about- I’m very glad I posted.

I perhaps should have given a few more details at the start as many of the issues raised will not impact me…. I am divorced, my DC are adults and live away, I work FT, my parents live 2 hours drive away and its becoming harder to help them as they are so far away, I have 1 sibling but they are even further away and moving to me would reduce that distance. My sibling lives too remotely for my parents to get the correct level of medical care, but will happily have them for holidays or respite for me.

The funds would come from parents selling their house. They would pay for it all and give my sibling a smaller amount (due to less time staying there) to be able to pay for a guest bedroom and en-suite for them to holiday there. Sibling agrees this is fair and we would sign documents to state that.

The annexe would be built where there already is a large outbuilding. Because there is already a building it is just replacing and therefore I don’t think I need planning permission. It has a door to the outside of the garden already which would become the main access door for the annexe meaning no need to go through house.

We have a 2 bed, 2 bathroom detached annex that my DM has lived in for 21 years. It’s completely self contained but all utilities are provided from our house and DM pays a ‘rent’ to cover her share of bills and council tax (we had to be reassessed and went up 2 bands). In the beginning it was useful for ad-hoc childcare, these days there’s just me and DH at home. DM has become increasingly frail since her first fall 3.5 years ago. She’s now almost blind, too. DH does her grocery shopping weekly, I go in every day to do her washing up, put any laundry on the airer and anything else she might need (I’m also disabled). She has a falls watch and every morning she lets me know she’s out of bed by sending me a thumbs up. She has a cleaner who comes once a week and a gardener. When DH and I go away either my DB comes up and supervises or we organise it so that there’s someone popping in daily such as chiropodist, cleaner, I might ask the gardener to do an extra job that week, and my best friend will call in when passing. It works for us. I know if she has any additional needs she won’t want us doing any personal care and will buy this in when required. Oddly, I wasn’t that fond of her when I was younger and despite the proximity we don’t have a particularly close relationship. I would never confide in her. Some days she drives me nuts but I’m still glad she’s next door and that I’m able to help!

No, no to no. Don't do it. My gran moved in with us when her husband died and much to my parents' horror she lived for another 26 years. We werelucky in that she didn't need much care apart from the last few years but my mum came to hate it.
Maybe look into warden controlled housing near you?

Good for you. I was talking about everyone else who wasn't you including OP, who can't know that will be the case. Also people need paid care for a whole load of conditions other than dementia so not sure why you're focused on that.

Just be sure and have a conversation about where your boundaries stand. Are you happy to do the shopping cooking and cleaning? What about personal care?

not that I have the space but I’d happily have a relative in a granny annex and provide the food. I’d expect them to pay for a cleaner as I won’t be doing their bed or bathroom. And when personal care comes around then they need to get in carers. Make sure you all have the same expectations

They already pay for a cleaner, gardener and have carers coming in. I will have to be clear that they will still do that. I was assuming so, but it is important to clarify!

Because there is already a building it is just replacing and therefore I don’t think I need planning permission.

Maybe but definitely check that out first because it may well need permission for change of use if it's not already a self-contained living unit. You'll likely get permission but there's a process to go through and it'll also be registered for council tax separately if it has its own kitchen etc.

I would urge you to ensure you’re squared up and on the same page with your sibling about money and inheritance - if you’re getting extra, if they’re getting extra as the annex will add value to your house. Whatever is going to happen have it all spelled out, talk about it with your parents there, ensure everyone is happy with it, and get it all in writing. :)