Cockroach cafe - Spring to Summer 2026

[FiniteSagacity]

New thread for us all to gather and have tea, cake and something from the stronger shelf as needed.

Keeping the cockroach name in honour of those who have graduated the thread in spite of the suggested thread names!

Sounds very familiar . We've just had this . She was admitted to hospital and lied to the staff there that she not having it anymore so that they would release her , which they did with 4x carers visits a day for 6 weeks .
Once home refused all help , as wanted the family to step up .
Now mostly housebound , hardly ever getting dressed and not keeping herself clean & tidy .
Meanwhile whilst she has ' capacity ' ss not doing anything as she hasn't yet had her officially dementia test and it's likely months away before she gets her appointment .

@roundaboutthehillsareshining this issue with equating not obeying her wishes = betrayal is exactly what I have with DF. But at this stage of life, it's often much more about needs than wishes and wants, as well as the capacity of loved ones to care, support, manage.

Darn it !

Girding my loins for this afternoon’s visit to the care home. Started reading an email from them about respiratory illnesses and restrictions on visits and got a bit excited. Sadly it’s only rookiedog that gets the free pass and he quite likes going because of all the attention he gets.

@GoldMoon @roundaboutthehillsareshining I can completely sympathise with you. One of the most unpleasant and difficult symptoms of DMs cognitive decline is her delusions/hallucinations, which usually involve her being totally convinced that 'they' are trying to get to her and will do her serious harm. Each time it happens, someone goes to 'rescue' her and she stays with family for a while. Currently she is with Brother and he is convinced that the delusions are 'just' anxiety so she will be fine with some medication and/or company. I know that Mum plays down/denies hallucinations etc that are not so frightening that she feels she needs 'rescuing' (eg. she'll sometimes call and tell me at the time but later claim she was 'joking' or that I misunderstood). We are awaiting the outcome of her formal assessment but she and B have done their best to down play these symptoms and make it appear that they never happen if she's got company so it's an anxiety issue and not a symptom of cognitive decline. I suspect that she does experience symptoms when she's with B but pretends not to.
Because DM's decline isn't the 'typical' (is there such a thing?) alzheimers journey of increasing memory problems, not knowing who people are etc, B refuses to believe that there is a real problem and won't even consider looking at proper paid care options (either for now, or to understand the options if/when things progress). They have told social services/GP etc that no help is needed as 'family will look after her'. I feel like we are currently in the calm before the storm, in that for now she seems OK on her own when B is at work and he/his DP seem reasonably happy to have her with them so there are no crises. But I know it's only a matter of time before either she starts to have frightening delusions in the day time and we will go back to daily calls to 'rescue' her, or B (or more likely, and understandably, his DP) decides he wants some space from her. I live several hours away, but when DM has had previous spates of calling to be 'saved' I have dropped everything to rush over as she is clearly terrified. Sometimes she believes she has fallen and needs medical attention. There is never so much as a bruise and she is someone who bruises incredibly easily so I am sure that this is confabulation but of course I never feel I can ignore this as it may be true. I don't know what I will do if/when this starts happening in the day time when B is not with her- I know he won't pick up the phone if he's at work and I don't like to think of her terrified but equally I don't feel I have the energy for another spate of cancelling work/not being their for my family/driving for hours every day.

Trundling on here in the madness. Visit to care home tonight included DM telling me that the man wearing a urine bag on his leg is wearing it because he’d been shot in the leg three times. They chased him all the way to the home shooting at him apparently. And that the letter on her NHS medical records, that I have access to through my own NHS app that says she had her hearing tested and needs hearing aids is ‘all lies’. She’s happy enough and I’m used to these mixed dementia ramblings but sometimes am hit with a stomach punch of grief and deep ache for the mother I’ve already lost. Knowing this could likely go on for another decade is a heavy feeling.

My stepfather doesn't like savoury things like sausages and burgers any more. Only sweet things. Taste and smell do change with some dementia.

There is a big link between diabetes, insulin resistance and dementia.

https://www.alzheimersresearchuk.org/dementia-information/dementia-risk/diabetes-and-dementia-risk/

When DAunt's dementia was progressing rapidly she was existing solely on vanilla ice cream and the occasional bit of milk chocolate until her swallowing became more impaired.

When I lost my smell for 9 months due to Covid and my taste for a while I could only really taste sour and sweet at first. As my smell returned my taste range increased. It was really strange not being able to taste the spice in curry sauces at all, they just tasted vaguely sour. It was hard to be interested in food when it tasted bland and smelt of nothing.