What's the best way to help a parent with a passport

[TrayofRoses]

My mother is aging in her 70s. Her passport is out of date approx 2 years. She asked me to help her renew it.

So I know there are two ways to do it now. The old fashioned way of getting the paper application or online. My mother never learned how to use the internet or technology but either way she wants me to help her.

I remember the first time she was doing the passport about 2014 approx, she gave me a picture that would have been taken in the 70s or 80e when she was in her 20s or 30s. Even though she would have been in her 60s. That was a difficult situation. She was insisting on using that old picture but it just wasn't suitable.

A few years ago she needed help with updating another personal government type of ID. I don't know what it is. I can't remember the exact date as such. If it was 2022 or 2023 or even in the years before that. It was difficult for her to get pictures. She had to go to the pharmacy a few times to get pictures because they were not suitable - she was smiling, she wasn't looking at the camera, she had hair in her face, etc. It took her a few times.

Anyways I suggested her get some new pictures but she is insisting on using whatever pictures she already has. I don't know if they are 4 or 5 years old or older.

I a passport picture from recent times is what's needed.

Do I insist that she gets new pictures? Or do I use an older picture.

I briefly looked in my email but I am not able to find a link to an online passport picture from before.

She might produce a physical cope of a passport picture and want me take a picture of it on my phone. I don't know.

So what is the best way to move forward with this? Does she need an updated picture? I think she wants me to do it online for her.

I would tell her the rules are now published by the government here: www.gov.uk/photos-for-passports but she doesn’t have to use a Photo Booth they can be done with a mobile. If she wants your help she’ll need a photo which is within 1 month of her application. I’d rinse and repeat that -
if she wants to do it herself she can use what photo she likes as it’s nothing to do with you.

For a renewal, especially if her old photo was a few years old, I’d get new photos. Timpsons and Max Spielman can do them, know the rules for what’s acceptable and will keep trying until they get it right. They give you physical prints, but also a code to put into the passport application form online, which makes the photo appear by internet magic.

Online applications are very straightforward. If they think the person in the new photo looks like the person in the old photo, you don’t even always need a countersignatory. Even if you do, it’s done online.

You don’t need a Government Gateway password, just this website.

I know there are apps available now. She doesn't have a smart phone. I am apprenhsive because many of them require a subscription or payment and it will be left paying for it. Then I will have to make sure the picture will be suitable. I think it would be better to outsource to a company who takes pictures.

An online passport is so easy to do. My passport was several years out of date when I applied. I took the photo with a mobile phone and once it was approved paid. The passport arrived within a few days.

I'd just tell her you'll help her with an online one, which is cheaper, or she can ask the post office to do it for her.

The online process is really easy to do. Can you go round to her and take the picture on your phone? It's easy to make sure the picture fits the guidelines, especially with someone else taking it.

You can take a photo of her on your phone and upload it on to the application. Much easier

I remember when I was helping her with another picture for an gov I'd type of thing, it tooks many tries. The online system kept rejecting the pictures I had. Then she went to the pharmacy that does passport pictures a s the same thing happened. It took many tries.

I am not interested in spending hours taking the right pictures.

I think my mother is also insisting on using an older picture and probably expecting me to take a picture of it on my phone and do it that way. I don't know if that will work.

I had difficulty a few years ago trying to obtain a picture for a different ID. It took ages and weeks. She was like a child who wasn't able to listen to the instructions. That went for at home with me and also with taking more professional pictures at the pharmacy.

OP, just take a picture of her against a blank wall and upload it. They give you instructions for what it has to be like. It’s really easy!

She also insisted this morning on using an older picture. I suggested a more recent picture and all that happened was her just arguing with her - like - 'why not what's wrong, it worked before, why not now'. She's really insisting on using what she has.

As she has a history of being difficult about it, I'd only get involved on condition she doesn't argue with you about how it's done. You don't make suggestions, you tell her the rules. If she argues - even once - you don't help. And one of your rules is that she gets a photo taken by Timpsons (or similar service where they guarantee a suitable one).

Ok, it's easy if you ha e someone able to cooperate with the process. She was like a kid before with other pictures. I don't think we even have a suitable blank wall. Due to furniture against walls in rooms.

I would let her get on with it herself then.

I'd only agree to help, if she was going to be cooperative.

There is a history of her being difficult. When she was doing this before she was insisting on using a picture of her in her youth. It was so hard to get her to stop that and get an updated picture. It really wasn't suitable at all.

Sorry that should read - her segueing with me. She was like a teenager just arguing with me when I suggested a recent picture.

Well the rules are the picture must be less than a month old, so she submits to getting a new one or you don’t help her get a passport?

I don't think you can use old pictures anymore, you have to get pictures taken and they give you a code to add to your application or you upload a picture from your phone.

Stop 'suggesting'. And don't get involved in arguments.

"This is the rule."

"But whyyyyy?"

"Because the government says so. Now do you want my help or not? If you argue, I'm going home."

Then if she argues, go home.

That sounds very difficult @TrayofRoses Honestly if my mother argued like that I'd let her sort it out for herself.

I took my mother to Timpsons because I couldn't get a decent enough picture on my phone. For he price of the picture we also got a code which we used to upload it onto the online application. It was very easy. A friend of hers did the digital equivalent of signing the back of the picture and the whole thing was done and the new passport in her possession within a week.

Your mum is being really bloody difficult and I send sympathy and solidarity as mine is occasionally the same! 💐

Over the elast few years I noticed some things and there's some odd things happening. Every day is different. I think there are issues on comprehension and executive functioning and just yesterday I observed a memory loss issue. For years it was behavioural and emotional stuff. There was an incident a few weeks ago where we learned that a different family member built on land that he didn't own. She became very angry and bitter and obsessed about that. Yesterday she had no memory of the man building on land he didn't own. But a few weeks before that the incident consumed her.

So I do think there might be something happening with her but I am not qualified to say that either.

I think regarding picture guidelines it could be an inability to follow instructions. If she was told to not smile, she would smile.

It sounds very tricky, but it does make me laugh that she thinks she can use a photo that is 60yrs old! 😆

Do you live close by? I'd take her to a photo shop or other place that takes passport photos and they can tell her the rules. No- you can't smile, neutral expression etc etc. I wouldn't be bothering to take pics with my own phone!

Out of interest, where does she want to travel to and would she be going alone? Does she have friends or other family that could also back up that the rules have changed and have a word with her?

This is one of the markers my MIL doctor signposted as dementia (frontal lobe, vascular and Alzheimers in her case).

She doesn't want to use an up to date pic, because it IS NOT HER in the picture, it is an old lady. MIL was the same with her blue badge pic.

Just tell her you need to go to a certain shop to get the photos these days and that they send it in. There's no point arguing with her. Get the picture sorted before you do anything else. If she doesn't do that just forget it. The whole point of renewing a passport is to have an up to date picture. I'd love to look 22 but I'm 42!

it sound like she has cognitive issues. Sadly that means she'll be very hard to reason with.

Oh that picture you gave is hilarious. She's a nice lady.

She produced that old picture to me before. She hasn't this time around. She does want to use an older picture from 4 or 5 years ago or even from the last passport application.

She has no plans to travel. She was some who never travelled bar one holiday. So I don't know why she wants to update her passport.

So I don't know why she wants to update her passport

Surely you asked her why she wants one when she suggested you help her???