My mum has died

[PermanentTemporary]

I’m a bit of a frequent flyer on this board. My mother has been in a nursing home since her stroke in 2021. This is something like the 5th deathbed call there has been over two years. She died reasonably peacefully this morning and I was with her and had the privilege of seeing her final breath.

I cried yesterday when she was going downhill but I feared she might survive yet again. Now she is at peace at long, long last. There will be a lot of emotion to come but now I feel peaceful too.

She was a lovely mum to me. I am so lucky to have had that.

I’m so sorry for your loss - losing your mum is one of the hardest things in the world. I had mixed emotions like you when my mum died. I was heartbroken to have lost her but part of me was glad that she was out of the torment of her final couple of years with dementia. Like you and others have said, I was so thankful that I was with my mum when she took her last breath and I hope a little part of her was still able to realise thst I was there.

make sure that you look after yourself xx

Really sorry for your loss. You'll feel a little bit up and down over the coming days and weeks but remember that feeling of peace x

I'm so sorry @PermanentTemporary - I am a long-time lurker in the Cockroach Cafe, your presence and advice there is so wise, kind and helpful. Sending love to you and your family, now and in the days ahead.

When my DF died there was a long waiting list for support from Cruse UK, but a local bereavement service we so, so helpful. I felt disdainful and a bit ashamed of reaching out for help, but I'm so glad I did in the end.

Take care of your lovely self. 💐💐

My condolences @PermanentTemporary .
I'm glad you were able to keep her company for her last moments, and that you know for sure that she went peacefully.
Give yourself (and, if you feel up to it) others slack right now. It's a time where it's pretty hard to get everything right. I remember when my Dad died, my poor step mum choosing an undertaker... which she then found drove her up the wall. So don't be too hesitant to swap arrangements.

There used to be a thread on the bereavement board for those who had lost parents, which I found helpful back in the day.

Oh goodness I hadn’t even thought about bereavement counselling! I needed it so badly after Dh died but that was a brutal shock, absolutely minimal emotion after DF died, much more affected by my godmother and PILs dying in quick succession and DP’s dad as well. Hmm - I don’t think I will need it but I may try and go to yoga this week - I used to cry at certain postures quite regularly after Dh died, it’s strangely cathartic. I don’t know, I have a bad feeling that my previous therapist has retired and I wouldn’t really want to go to anyone else.

We have been forced to slow down as the medical examiner is apparently taking up to ten days in our area, so we can’t even register the death yet. Probably a good thing.

My mum had absolutely wonderful timing - we are off on a walking/sleeping/gazing into the fire type holiday on Tuesday which couldn’t be more perfect.

@PermanentTemporary the holiday sounds perfect for some well needed thinking time, time for your mind to catch up.

Grief is a strange thing. After DF died I was just relieved (long illness). Then a few months later I was ridiculously upset when a character in The Archers died. I now realise that was a kind of 'referred grief', like referred pain.

My condolences @PermanentTemporary , I know it has been a long time coming but still painful for all that. Very glad to hear that you remember her as a “lovely Mum,” that’s a gift.