At 86 why wouldn’t you take painkillers?

[genandtonic]

My mother-in-law is in a care home six hours away. She refuses to move to a care home up here, for various weird and illogical reasons.she’s deemed to have capacity.

She’s in terrible pain every day with rheumatoid arthritis , can’t hold a phone for long, won’t wear hearing aids, won’t take any medicine with a consequence that she is bedbound, in pain all day every day and has awful spasms from lack of movement.She occasionally takes paracetamol but won’t take painkillers because tge side-effects might affect her 😳 and because one of the carers is on painkillers and they didn’t work for her.

She’s calling us all several times a day crying and sobbing in pain and can’t hold the phone obviously it’s really distressing for us all. She can also be really nasty.

Any tips on how to make her see sense or how to stop this nonsense much appreciated!

My MIL is like this with all medication and I've never understood why. Why would you stay in discomfort and pain when bog standard drugs would solve the problem.

She doesn't have to pay either so it's not money, more like it's an article of faith whereas I'm of the take a paracetamol/anti acid and be comfortable.

I also don’t like to take painkillers… do you mean anti inflams like ibuprofen?? I’d never take codeine or similar unless it was an absolute last resort. I will take ibuprofen but I’m very aware they aren’t good for your stomach or your kidneys. They also mask the source of pain so if it’s an injury for example I think it’s a risk to not know ‘where you are’ in terms of recovery for example if you can’t feel which movements are worse or preferable. I wouldn’t take them everyday. And I’d always rather take paracetamol first to see if that helps.

But are you 86? She’s already lived past the average life span and is in constant pain. She doesn’t need to worry about masking an injury, she’s not thinking of taking up a new sport or going back to work 😂

It sounds like the doctors arent doing their job properly. I feel really sorry for the poor woman. It's awful.

I empathise with you, similar symptoms plus back fractures from Osteoporosis, two replacement hips within a year.
Every day I take four paracetamol to ease the pain. I understand the maximum dose is eight.
I hate taking painkillers too, don’t like the idea of unwanted side effects.
Those on here citing control issues are talking without experience. They just may feel the same themselves one day. The level of criticism & uncaring is astounding.

My mum is the same. She takes half a paracetamol if shes in pain, as she thinks she is ‘small’. (Shes average size for an adult female get age)

it’s definitely a generational thing.

My MiL is a bit like this (on a much milder scale thank Hod, but I am pretty aure she sees taking medication is a sign of weakness, and ahe does love having something (often self-inflicted) to moan about - in any sphere of life: used to be how hard it was to hand weed her field 😲 (she did not have to hand weed her field 😂)

Irony is her Mum was just the same, and MiL used to be so scornful about it!

With your MiL OP, as pps, when she phones put it right back to her. "Oh oh my hands hurt so much!'" "Oh dear, poor you. What do you think I can do about it?" (Phrased sincerely as a question, not a dismissal, I mean)

It’s a bit like the women who think they are superior because they didn’t have pain relief in childbirth - err well done you! Op only you know her personality and whether she thinks she is superior or she’s a martyr but with regard to the moaning I’d step out of saying take painkillers and move into the “that sounds difficult, what are you going to do about that ?”.

Weirdly out of the blue GP surgery contact me for blood tests re kidneys, liver because I'm on painkillers , the gabapentin and cocodamol supplied by them. I said look I take 200 mg of gabapentin a day. Two cocodamol pills. They still tested.

I haven't seen a GP face to face for two years bar a chest infection so someone had to listen to my chest. I haven't had an asthma review for five years. They totally missed two arthritic hips. It's your age (scream). Thanks god for keeping up private healthcare.

@genandtonic she won't change, don't answer every call. It does bloody hurt believe me. But she's left it too late for any surgery.

My friend uses cannabis, so make her some brownies.

My MIL is the same, I've seen her in terrible pain but she insists that any more than half a paracetamol 'knocks her out' and refuses to touch anti inflammatories.

She's quite happy to take a bunch of weird snake oil supplements she's bought in Holland And Barrett though.

OH brownies definitely.

Sounds like my MIL, we had lots of sympathy for her pain until we discovered she’d been prescribed basic paracetamol by the GP and hadn’t taken a single one. Kind of hard to take it seriously after that.

Had my first hip done in October. The medical advice was take the painkillers at the right time. Stay ahead of the pain because you must keep moving if you want to walk again, don't want blood clots in your legs, lungs, heart. So I did, kept moving every hour, did the exercises to rebuild muscle.

Once second hip is well behind me am going to join sons gym to do strength training.

Use it or lose it

Good luck with your op and the gym, @justasking111you sound great!

Has a doctor told her to take the painkillers? My mum wouldn’t take notice of anyone apart from a doctor.

At 86 none of those things matter.
The only side effects that matter are those that are worse than the pain.
Steroids would probably be helpful rather than RA drugs. And codeine is not particularly useful for RA pain (I have RA) but does make you sleep. prescribed alongside a laxative.

I honestly don't know OP. FIL refused drugs for days and days when he was dying. Very distressing for them and for those watching them suffer.

She sounds like my mother who is very much of the put up with it and don't take pain killers unless your leg is hanging off school of thought.

However, she recently had a major operation and the doctor in the hospital was very firm that she absolutely must take her pain killers as scheduled without fail. And she listened to the doctor (because you know, they're a DOCTOR) in a way she does not listen to anyone else. Could you maybe ask the home to organise a medication review for her?

My mum is similar. Won't take the stronger stuff as there is a risk of stroke as a side effect. Understandable in a way but if the pain is so debilitating I would think the risk is worth it. That is a personal choice though.

Because to be honest the risks are probably not quite as high as the risks from stress caused by constant pain - it’s balance!! When we lived in Denmark they seem to be of the same philosophy - buying any medication off the shelf is nigh on impossible - it’s non branded generic stuff only - we used to stock up in the UK .

I’ve encountered that mentality, at different ages. No advice on that sorry.

However there is a “Butec” patch that is low dose morphine and is changed once a week.

Instead of taking tablets several times a day. Just a suggestion

The side effects aren’t necessarily drowsy, floaty ones but could be vomiting, ulcers, constipation leading to impaction, hair loss, eye problems, flatulence, loss of bladder or bowel control, insomnia, nightmares, sweating, dizziness, headaches, palpitations, loss of appetite. Many side effects for medications for RA are very unpleasant. Some are better once a tolerance has been reached, but not all. There are also some that interact with others.

I was prescribed paracetamol after having a c section (which also involved various internal butchery by a registrar that resulted in multiple blood transfusions) and I can promise you that it made not a single iota of difference.

Is your MIL under the care of Rheumatology for her arthritis @genandtonic? I have arthritis and have been on various anti-inflammatory medications over the years, including steroids and methotrexate. I was also prescribed ibuprofen at one point. I’m on biological medication now (Humira etc) and it does a great job at reducing inflammation and pain. Would she listen to her doctor telling her she should take painkillers if she doesn’t listen to you and your DH?

But presumably you took some to discover that? I think OP would be considerably more sympathetic if her MIL took them and found them either ineffective or not worth the side effects and stopped. It's the refusal to try that's hard to manage.