Male relative late 70s faeces everywhere when using toilet

[limetrees32]

Undx yet with Alzheimer's or similar.
Using fingers when opening bowels , not wiping effectively or cleaning hands properly.
Poo on door handles ,taps , trousers.
Any advice ?

He probably needs to employ a cleaner who will clean up every few days.

He visits and stays with his life long partner every week and of course the mess is v difficult for her .
Any tips for her ?

Stage an intervention?

His partner is very firm and clear about pointing out what needs to be done but this has v. is limited impact .
He doesn't object or complain when his hands are inspected and he has to rewash them and /or change his trousers ,sit on a towel on the chair .
We can't understand why he ,apparently ,isn't mortified .
He's not been himse;f since a cardiac event some 6 years ago and an induced coma .And two bouts of sepis .But this is new .
Presumably the behaviour is a result of something neurological but whatever the cause it has to be coped with .
Hence looking for advice .

A cleaner every few days?! Shouldn't that be after every bowel movement?

The fact he doesn't care indicates likely dementia, with loss of normal social inhibitions. To be honest, if I was his long term partner, but we weren't married or living together, I wouldn't be dealing with this. It's only going to get worse, and he may be better off in a carehome.

Needs an urgent dementia assessment and probably to live in a care home. It’s not safe or tolerable for others to live with.

He would probably benefit from wearing incontinence pads and having a carer to help.to change and clean up. This isn't really the role of a long term partner, unless she genuinely doesn't mind.

I wonder if he is constipated.

You can’t uunderstand why he isn’t mortified? I mean, could you not take a stab in the dark?!!

unless he’s spent his whole life smearing shit around the place it’s fairly obvious he has dementia

One of the few things that invokes emotion is him thinking that his partner might abandon him .

Needs an urgent dementia assessment and probably to live in a care home
he probably does ,but easier said than done .

Contact the GP and ask for a continence assessment

Perhaps check the NHS webpages

My admittedly limited experience of dementia is that some emotion remains .
Perhaps it's too advanced

He's not constipated nor suffering from diarrhea .
It's the using his fingers that is the problem .
So I guess that's dementia issue.

I was trying to think how realistically it could be done at a reasonable cost.

He needs:

1. To see his GP to get dementia diagnosis rolling
2. To see his GP to rule out medical reasons he has started doing this - could be simple such as constipation, could be serious like cancer
3. A continence assessment from the local Continence Team
4. Consideration if the coming and going to his partner is still viable and whether he now needs both a carer and a cleaner

In what way is he using fingers? As in forgetting to use toilet roll and wiping with his hand?

I am a carer for my mum and my dad has recently started doing the same type of thing. We think it is a sensory need linked to dementia. You need to speak to the GP. He could also be constipated and not able to communicate how he feels.

the district nurse recommended an app to me called Peopleoo. It’s like a community for carers and I use it to link up with people who can give advice. Might be worth a look. I have found it really supportive.

Is he visiting his friend independently?

there’s different forms of dementia and loss of inhibitions is a key part of some forms, memory loss often isn’t the first symptom. In my grandad promiscuity was the earliest sign though we like many people didn’t see the plainly obvious is retrospect

He is visiting independently by public transport..
A GP appointment is awaited, partner had contacted GP requesting referral.
I think the use of fingers is to assist evacuation .
He doesn't use enough toilet paper or deploy it efficiently.
@Stillawake2023 thank you so much , of to look at peopleloo

In simplest terms, he needs to be supervised whenever in the toilet and receive direction on what not to do. Yes it’ll be great to get a diagnosis in due course but it doesn’t affect what’s happening now, in the house. Aside from the unpleasantness of it he’s putting himself and those around him at risk of illness.
I might consider getting a wash/dry toilet fitted - these are much cheaper than they used to be. Then he just needs to be directed to sit and keep his hands out of the way until the drying cycle is finished.
I cannot see any way past this other than someone being present.

Just seen your update. So it sounds as if he is having difficulty actually expelling faeces - this could be a dietary/constipation issue. It should never be that difficult. If you could solve that then the wash/dry toilet might solve the other issues as no need to use toilet paper.

Sadly I dont think it is constipation.
His partner who is up close and personal in her cleaning and clearing up activities says it's soft.

@rightoguvnor I think you're proposal is the most likely to work.
Thank you .