Old men and using the toilet ….?

[jwoo23]

Hello! Looking for advice from any care home workers that can advise on the best cleaning solutions for the gallons of urine that gets deposited around every lavatory in the house when both my elderly father or FIL come to stay!!!!!

They are both from a generation that would balk at the idea of a sit-down wee. Plus they don’t seem to ever even quite make it to the toilet in the middle of the night either, so the trail of urine quite often starts somewhere near the bathroom door! Not helped either by the fact that they both love a few drinks on regular occasion which exacerbates the issue!

I know age will get all of us, so I don’t want to be insensitive, and also, even if I didn’t care about being insensitive, mentioning it to either of these ‘characters’ would be fruitless. They wouldn’t change their ways even if they were initially embarrassed.

They can’t be in the minority? In my mind, therefore, care homes must have copious amounts of urine on the bottom of slippers and trodden in to all carpets?

When they come to stay I feel like I am constantly inspecting and cleaning whole puddles of piss from the seat, under the seat, behind the seat and all over the floor before I can get in and on with my own business. And worse, before I can let the toddler in the bathroom who would be oblivious to putting her hands in it as she climbs onto the toilet trying to be so independent!

Any advice? I have disinfectant and special pee only cleaning cloths stashed in each loo trying to be discrete but would be grateful to know how anyone else or those who work in a care home deal with this. It honestly takes up so much of my time when they’re here!

Thank you!

As a starting point I would be telling DH to clean up after his father and you do yours. In this situation I’d look at pet stuff.

Thing is I think my FIL would be embarrassed if he was told, but not embarrassed enough to change his ways. Especially when drunk. And ultimately they can’t help it first thing in the morning. They’re both slow and uncoordinated especially in the mornings.

Eerrrrm yeah, I deliberately posted in elderly parents, not AIBU. Hope your family take a similar stance on you on when you’re old.

Thanks for the helpful comments. I’m very surprised to hear that this isn’t an issue in care homes??? There must be more cantankerous grumpy old OLD men than just the two in my family??!! Interesting about the bleach too. Care homes certainly do have a distinct smell.
Luckily it’s only on the bathroom vinyl and tiled floors so far. Although I can’t help but think there might be a small trail that starts on the carpet outside the bathroom. But I have a vax carpet washer so I can do them when I need to.
I have bleach and the pet outdoor neutralisers so I think the glove up and get on with it is the answer. Honestly, if they were younger I’d have no problem in telling them they were being unacceptable. It’s just frustrating that it’s every morning you know it’s going to be gross. It’s only going to get worse too I imagine.
My Mum uses a toilet rug in her house but I cringe as it must be so soaked in piss! So I keep me and my child well away from it when we go there! But Mum does the best she can at being clean and they do have a cleaner once a week.
Do carers in care homes tell people when they’re being really unhygienically clean? I know dementia is a different kettle of fish entirely, but do the cleaners have to adopt the same approach and just get on with it, or does anyone ever say, “John, you need to start sitting down to wee as you’re getting it everywhere and it’s not acceptable for everyone else to be cleaning up after you!!”??

My mum was absolutely on it with my dad. And even at the end he maintained his dignity and presentation. I am so grateful to her.
My in-laws though. Carpet in all toilet areas. A history of weekly bathing whether they need it or not. A re-use rather than wash attitude to bedding, towels, clothing. No bins in bathrooms.
With age, this is all a perfect storm and we are all, including the grand children smelling the result.
It's such a shame but none of their kids, including DH, are going to tackle it. The nearest I got was bigging up the kitchen laminate and suggesting it for the nearest bathroom.
If either of them suffer from compression in the spine, hunched like MIL, that can press on nerves and cause swift loss of control.

I bring our bedding when we visit, limit overnights, use only one bathroom which I have a good go with disposable wipes and smuggle the used ones out in a dog poo bag. I am dreading going for Xmas already

My mum has a big stack of thin, grippy mats that she used to chuck down and wash, knowing her daily, on 60!

Would the old gentlemen use a bottle in the morning?
Would they be embarrassed to use incontinence products?

Also, are they in good health, infection, urinary tract etc. Have they spoken to their doctors about urgency when peeing?

Yes you have to clean it up, but I think you should also try to help them maintain their dignity.

They will have enlarged prostates, possibly malignant. It's almost inevitable according to my father's urologist. It's usually something they die with rather than from. It does cause urgency, weak/sporadic flow and the weeing everywhere that you describe.

If they are ok taking medication, get them to have a prostate exam. If they are young enough, there are surgical procedures, otherwise it is medication. Encourage the use of incontinence pants even if only for night times. Get a good carpet cleaner and wash the carpets, frequently. Keep a mop and bucket in the loo. It's grim.

I'd be limiting the booze in my house, for sure. And I'd tell them why if they asked.

My dad was incontinent towards the end of his life. He was mentally quite well although his body was wrecked. He used incontinence products as and when he needed them (ie scaling up as he needed to), and cleaned as well as he could for as long as he could.

Drunk lazy pissing, and leaving it tonthe women to clean, is just that.

Yes to the dignity! Good grief, you can really tell some of the posters on this thread have never cared for an elderly person. Berating, shaming, making them clean it up… won’t help and would be bloody horrible to boot.

Regular cleaning with decent non-eco cleaning products. Disinfectant wipes in the loo, frequent changes of hand towels and pedestal mats (if you use them, MN can be weird about that). Keeping a sense of perspective helps. We all get old and need a bit of extra grace eventually. They aren’t doing it for spite.

Hang on, prostate cancer is very common but not a big killer and definitely not number 1.

“Leading causes of death in males and females
Ischaemic heart diseases was the leading cause of death in males in England and Wales, unchanged from 2021, accounting for 38,730 male deaths (13.3%). The second most common cause of death for males was dementia and Alzheimers disease, accounting for 8.0% (23,332 deaths) of all male deaths registered. This has changed from COVID-19 in 2021, which was the sixth leading cause (12,219; 4.2% of all male deaths) in 2022.”

source: https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/deaths/bulletins/deathsregistrationsummarytables/2022

What I meant was prostate cancer is the no. 1 cancer in men and obviously, cancer in general is a big killer.

Bathroom runner, specifically for their visits. Put it down when they come, wash it on 60 when they leave. Let them know exactly why. If no dementia, they should be embarrassed at leaving such a mess!

Surely it’s on their clothes too, so transferring urine to sofas etc ? I wouldn’t have them to say any more. What state are their houses, bedding etc in? Wouldn’t it be more dignified for them to use the male equivalent of Always “ discreet?”

He doesn't know, he can't really feel it, see it or smell it. He'd be mortified if he did realise and in no way is doing this deliberately. This is us and old man thing, aging is hard and often embarrassing cut him some slack.

No sorry, there's no way I could cope with that. Missing the pan is one thing, trail from bedroom to toilet? Unless very cognitively impaired they know. Sorry they would need to stay elsewhere.

How are they leaving a trail, surely their clothes would absorb it, unless they’ve left it too long, and there’s a tsunami! That means they are sitting on settees and chairs with their urinated trousers. Either way it’s horrible and intolerable. They need to be made aware of how it affects the OP’s family, and wear pads, or not visit at all. Surely the fathers’ homes must be absolutely reeking of urine.

My MIL uses a pedestal mat and bath mat both are washed with laundry disinfectant daily and replaced. They aren’t super thick ones so wash and dry quickly, they always look pristine when I visit and there is no smell in the bathroom despite it being internal with no window.
The only carpet is also now on their stairs, the rest of the flooring is vinyl, she said it was for ease with their Labrador but I did wonder about the upstairs hall, their dog slept downstairs but FIL has mobility issues and also likes a tipple so I suspect he didn’t always make it to the bathroom.

Obviously removing carpets in your house for occasional visits wouldn’t be a good idea but I would definitely get mats and chuck them in the wash with some dettol laundry sanitiser and method bathroom spray smells lovely!

You need an enzyme pet pee cleaner, will get rid of the smell too

They could piss into a bottle. The ones you get that they call portable urinals. That would stop them getting up to the bathroom at night as they can just go into the container? Surely if your penis is fully inside it can't make any splashback? I guess if it fails then you've got a pissy bedroom too.

Advise them to sit due to the risk of injury if they suffer micturation syncope. It is common in older men especially if they get up in the night and have a stand up wee.

All men should sit unless using a urinal.

Possibly the reason it's less of an issue in care homes is that the gentlemen aren't allowed to drink alcohol to the extent that they are drunk.

Also heard that shaving foam to clean around toilet area is really good for neutralising urine odour
How about putting down a transparent plastic runner from bedroom to bathroom to protect carpet area

Get these disposable mats

It would need to be absorbent, though, otherwise there would be puddles.

Especially if they knock it over or drop it!
I’m afraid short visits and no overnight stays is the answer!