Increasingly demanding, difficult elderly mother

[Letmeoutodhere]

So many threads about demanding parents.

I have an 88 year old mother who I have never had a good relationship with. She can be spiteful, unkind and ungenerous. I really don't have any good memories of her and she's upset me so much over the years. I have had many long periods of not being in touch. In the past couple of years she has become very erratic, confused and often rude. I suspect dementia.

I am the one closest to her geographically which means I get all of her demands and difficult behaviour. I try to avoid her as much as possible, but every so often there is a crisis where she is demanding I rush round and sort things out. Inevitably, at the time she is grateful, but then becomes rude, insulting and doesn't appreciate what i have done. I would rather not do anything.

Today was a case in point, I have ordered a replacement fridge for her with her full permission. All day she has been phoning me, messaging me and sending me confused messages. I take the sixth call of the day and she tells me she can't cope with all these phone calls, and please can I leave her alone.

I just can't cope with her. What do I do?

Yes I’ve had all this with both parents.

im not sure why you are so reluctant to contact adult services. You pay your taxes as have your parents. Use the facility.

it’s nothing like the olden days .
they come in ask a few questions and then decide what help she needs or if awards can be made.

attendance allowance is a must , both my parents got it . It’s not means tested.

if none of this is useful . we have private carers in four hours a day for my mum . Oh my goodness they are phenomenal. The house is spotless mum gets all food drink help she needs . She gets lots of attention. food is ordered put away etc sheets changed, showers had , bins emptied, clothes washed and ironed.
Yes it’s expensive but what else will they spend their money on….

… and you are guilt free, mum is safe.
my mum is 89 and definitely starting dementia but won’t believe it or see anyone.
my dad98 was eventually in a nursing home died last week but no guilt about him . He was very well cared for .

don’t be a martyr call adult services or their gp even if just for a chat these people are very nice and I have anxiety over phone calls.

lastly get poa for health and money . But mainly health otherwise you can’t advocate for them and their needs.

Goid luck , make the first call you will feel 100% better instantly

I have contacted the GP. She’s not at the stage that she needs carers but she will soon I think. I have POA.