Problem diamond ring

[BeMintFatball]

My mother was given her mother’s diamond ring after her death. Nan died 47 years ago. .
Now my mother is very old and frail. We have spoken about her wishes for after her passing. She has singled out one niece that she would like the ring to be given to. However mum has several nieces and none of the others have been bequeathed anything.

I can already see this is going to be an absolute shit show. The others are going to feel hurt even if the reasons for the decision are explained.

For clarity the Will states that I inherit everything. The matter of the ring is verbal instruction from my mum not explicitly stated in the Will. I don’t want the ring. It holds no sentimental value for me.

Do you agree I point out to mum how unfair the others will see this. But then what happens to the ring? The only other surviving child of my grandmother is my Uncle. That would make sense it’s his mother’s ring we are talking about.

Personally I would like to sell the bloody thing and give the money to charity when the time comes. But that would also cause an uproar. My cousin asked my mother to show her the ring today. Awkward as she is not the niece that mum intends to bequeath the ring to.

I need to have a conversation with my mum. Knowing
my mum she won’t have the balls
to explain her wishes to the wider family and I will get the fall out.

The last few months I have had a basin of my mum saying one thing to me and another to my cousins. She’s been quite two faced and I’ve felt played.

Sorry that turned into a rant. What would
you do?

Why on earth would you sell the ring (leaving the family) and give money to a random charity (nothing to do with your family) when there are relatives alive to pass it too. It’s an heirloom. It’s not your decision to give it away!

Gosh OP, I wouldn't be saddled with carrying out any divisive, hurtful decisions of someone who has passed away. You owe it to your mum to care for while she is here. If she wants to ensure what happens to her property - well, that's what wills are for and she is welcome to make one that includes all her wishes. If she doesn't do that, then your responsibility, once she has gone, is to yourself and the living.

I would do what accords best with my own sense of what's best for the family.

How many stones does the ring have? Is it possible to sub divide?

No need for a solicitor. A signed written note is enough if needed. You should not ignore her wishes or feel responsible for them.

Suggest she hands it on now, we did that with my MIL's jewellery when she moved into a care home.

Otherwise, I would wait and give it to her brother and he can decide who to pass it onto.

She could just write her wishes down and get someone to witness her signature. A neighbour or friend. Not you OP
Then you have that if there’s any upset in the family.

Just give it to the niece your Mum wants to have it. Just because she's older it doesn't mean you shouldn't follow her wishes. Only 1 person can have 1 ring. If you think there might be bad feelings you can pretend your Mum wrote all nieces names on paper and drew out one to get ring. It will save hurt feeling but you should ensure your Mum's wishes are followed.

'Auction' the ring amongst the family.

Let everyone write down an amount they'd pay for it secretly. Highest amount pays that money for the ring. Other nieces/ nephews split the money paid. Ensures niece who most values the ring gets it (and others get a little something).

You need to follow your mothers wishes. It's not your decision.

If your mother wants her wishes to be followed then she needs to write it down - in the will or letter of wishes - so everyone can see it was her decision.

If she refuses to do that, she’s making you the bad guy after she’s gone. Not fair.

In that situation I think you would be entitled do what YOU think is best for the whole family once she is gone, since she has refused to take responsibility by putting it in writing.

Also, since she keeps changing her mind, that makes it even more important to get it in writing. Otherwise she could easily have said different things to different family members and you have a mega shit show when the time comes.