Problem diamond ring

[BeMintFatball]

My mother was given her mother’s diamond ring after her death. Nan died 47 years ago. .
Now my mother is very old and frail. We have spoken about her wishes for after her passing. She has singled out one niece that she would like the ring to be given to. However mum has several nieces and none of the others have been bequeathed anything.

I can already see this is going to be an absolute shit show. The others are going to feel hurt even if the reasons for the decision are explained.

For clarity the Will states that I inherit everything. The matter of the ring is verbal instruction from my mum not explicitly stated in the Will. I don’t want the ring. It holds no sentimental value for me.

Do you agree I point out to mum how unfair the others will see this. But then what happens to the ring? The only other surviving child of my grandmother is my Uncle. That would make sense it’s his mother’s ring we are talking about.

Personally I would like to sell the bloody thing and give the money to charity when the time comes. But that would also cause an uproar. My cousin asked my mother to show her the ring today. Awkward as she is not the niece that mum intends to bequeath the ring to.

I need to have a conversation with my mum. Knowing
my mum she won’t have the balls
to explain her wishes to the wider family and I will get the fall out.

The last few months I have had a basin of my mum saying one thing to me and another to my cousins. She’s been quite two faced and I’ve felt played.

Sorry that turned into a rant. What would
you do?

I hate anything like this

Will's. Money. Jewellery.

I would rather have nothing

Not helpful to you. But i feel your pain

So there's nothing to 'prove' what her wishes re the ring are?

Is the ring very valuable? Are you able to even up the ' inheritance' after she dies so that they all get something.?

Can she actually amend her will ? That would be the best way and then you can say that the ring goes to who ever it states? It's going to be a shit show for you otherwise.

You could hang onto the ring and then bequeath it on as per your mum's wishes after you've died? You won't mind the ruckus then as you won't be there to see it/ suffer it!

If you just hand over the ring it's going to cause fallouts all round. She either needs to call in her solicitor and amend her will or you can't do as she verbally wishes.

You could logically pass it on to her brother for him to decide what to do with it when he passes. And that then makes it his problem.

But you've still got issues as the will is silent in regard to the ring.

Unless you can live with not seeing a likely substantial part of your extended family if you follow your mum's verbal wishes.

Talk about a poisoned chalice!

If it's not mentioned in the will and nobody knows about her particular wishes, then I'd split the jewellery amongst the family. So at least each niece receives a piece of jewellery including the diamond ring.

You won't get much for reselling second hand jewellery particularly diamonds as they don't tend to hold their value. So you might as well give it to the niece it was intended for but also ensure that the others receive something as well.

Your mum will have passed by then and she nor anyone else need to know your inten.

I don’t believe the ring has much monetary value at a guess I would say low £100’s . mum doesn’t have many items of jewellery.

Mum is housebound. Unless a solicitor agreed to come to her house she couldn’t amend the Will.

Sell it and split the money between the nieces?

If they disagree give it to a charity of your choice?

If she wants one niece to have it then give it to her. Give the others a piece of jewellery each as well. It doesn't have to be worth the same. Jewellery is sentimental. For passing on not selling.

A solicitor would come to the house - at a cost!

I think it's precisely because it's sentimental that it's tricky. Especially if more than one thinks it should go to them. It's the sort of thing that splits families and causes huge rifts about a (perceived) injustice. Compounded by OP not having any 'paper work ' to fall back on and a DM telling different family members different things.

I think I would just say to your mum that you don't agree with doing that. So if she wants to pass her ring on to a particular person, then she needs to do it herself while she's alive, or put it into her will. Otherwise you will do what you see fit with the ring if you inherit it.

That's what normally happens with inherited things!

Your mum doesn't actually have the right to force you into doing something that will cause so much bad feeling. You are allowed to say no.

This is a very good point. It sounds very possible that your mum is telling people different things, e.g. telling more than one of your cousins that they will be the one to get the ring. Easy way for her to get Brownie points and avoid conflict, and then you are left with the mess and bad feeling.

It’s your mum’s ring and her wish to give it to the neice. She will have her reasons, you need to respect that. You don’t want it, so just give it to the niece. The other family will just have to get on with it. Or have the ring valued and give all the others the same value of money from your inheritance, but still give the neice the ring.

Follow her wishes for goodness sake. Why can’t people let others do what they want with their property

Of course people have the right to pass on their property as they choose. The problem is that OP's mum isn't doing this. She isn't giving it to her niece now, and she isn't leaving it to her niece in her will, or even telling her whole family her wishes publicly.

Instead, she's trying to make OP be the one to give the ring away after her death on the basis of a private (disputable) conversation. This is going to cause a shitshow for OP, particularly if she's been having other private conversations and telling more than one person that they'll be the one to get the ring. Which actually seems very likely, given that a different cousin has been asking to see the ring, and OP has already noticed that her mum has been saying one thing to her and another to her cousins.

I’m all for carrying out my mum’s wishes. I would like her to be open with the rest of the family and tell them what she has told me. But she really should give the others gifts too. There are 4 nieces and one nephew

Could your mum make a short video (with help of course), only to be played after her death, that expressed her wishes? She would be assured no one would see it until she’s gone but it would then be clear that this was not your decision at least?

@DeadsoulsAngel thats giving me Agatha Christie vibes but could work - provided nobody accuses me of coercion

😂 I love Agatha Christie but I was thinking more low key and less big reveal! More sort of a loving message to the whole family, maybe a few personal words to each person. Then a quick moment where she states she’s left everything to you, as is likely expected, but she does want dear niece to have the ring because…. Insert reason here?

From recent experience I would keep an eye on the ring and anything else valuable, especially if a DCousin has alrwsdy been asking.

Type out a letter of wishes staying who has the ring and get your mum to sign it. Ideally with a couple of witnesses. Not yourself though as you are a beneficiary of the will. Then it is in black and white.
tell your mum you can’t pass on the ring unless she does this.

As the executor you follow the will. That’s it. You don’t have to give reasons as to why anyone has done anything. Let her bequeath whatever she wants to whomever she wants and any fall out is on your mum, not you and your mum will no longer be here to have to give explanations.

Did she give any particular reason for it going to this niece - eg her own mother had wanted that, or this niece had always been particularly fond of the ring, or whatever?

If the will has everything going to you, then legally you can give the ring to whoever - it’s yours to give as a gift if you want. I think I’d just give the niece the ring. But I’d probably ask my mum “as you’ve said you’d like X to get the ring, is there anything specific you wanted to give your other nieces and nephew?”

You legally inherit it, you dont particually want it

So you give it to your Uncle, the person you think should have it.Perhaps say that you think your mum thought Cousin Sarah would like it,but you'll leave that up to him

Your mum can do a “letter of wishes” which sets out who should get the ring and any other sentimental things. It is not legally binding but does give you paperwork to show what she wants.

She doesn't need to amend her will. She should do a letter of wishes (at home, no solicitor).

I don't see anything wrong with giving her niece the ring. But you could encourage her to identify other small personal items to go to other family members that could be included in her LoW.

I agree with this. Give each niece/nephew a piece of jewellery or other small keepsake.