If your lo has dementia and is in a care facility, how much is it costing per week.

[TheSummerGrinch]

I know it all depends the area etc.

Mum has Alzheimer's, 7 years in to it now.

She wasn't doing too badly, she lives at home with dad and between my sister and I and a morning carer we were doing ok. Mum was (mainly) continent and went to a day centre twice a week. Things were stressful as they are with dementia but ok.

However, that all changed 6 weeks ago. Mum fell in the garden breaking her hand, dislocating her knee and fracturing her neck. Although mum is ok now with her physical injuries the 3 week stay in hospital has exacerbated her dementia. They allowed her to toilet in the bed and now she is double incontinent.

She came home two weeks ago. She is still often double incontinent although the carers are able to get her on the commode or toilet. They can also get her walking with support and a frame but she is still very weak (she also has osteoporosis and breast cancer). Our carers are wonderful but it's hard going.

We have 6 carers working on a rota 4 times a day but it's very expensive and it still leaves 20 hours a day where mum is either in mine, my sister's or my elderly father's care. We are exhausted and miserable.

We never wanted to put mum in care, no one does but I can't help thinking for maybe not much more than we are paying for the carers to come 4 hours a day we could have mum looked after 24/7 and gain some life back for ourselves?

Tbh, I hate to even contemplate it, I hate the thought of her in care but I'm done. Going to my parents on an almost daily basis has wiped me out.

How much do you pay for a care home privately?

My Dad didn't want Mum to go into a care home.. but we had a crisis and she went in that night.
(I rang over 26 homes before one was found)
Dad (and my brother's and I) were devastated) I can't talk about the moment she realised that she was staying. But she soon settled and Dad, who had multiple life threatening conditions and terminal cancer was just welcomed with open arms by the home..he got a taxi daily and had lunch and bedded down in a comfy chair by the staff for a nap (whilst Mum wandered around hiding all her belongings) He was then picked up and taken home by one of us..
We were still very sad but Dad had a reasonable year health wise until he died.

I think this is why we have put off the inevitable for so long but it was the same for us when mum went to the day centre, I used to cry dropping her off and seeing her go off hand in hand with one of the (lovely) workers, it felt like dropping my child off to the nursery but we got used to it and eventually came to love the place. I just hope we too can find that in a home.

It feels like a full time occupation trying to juggle and judge all of this doesn't it? I really envy my friends, none of them have any clue what all of this entails, many still believe that my mum is just a bit forgetful.......if only.

Can I suggest carehome.co.uk as a useful website to help with your searching? Some homes have loads of info up (including descriptions, photos, reviews, appropriate costs) - so at worst you might be able to rule some places out. You can search by location and care type. There's no charge to you, no request for you to log in or provide any personal details.

As far as not-for-profit homes go, you'll probably be better finding some possible options and then following up for more details. As well as stand-alone homes there are also some not-for-profit groups (I think Anchor is the biggest, but the Order of St John and MHA are two others I'm aware of).

My mum was in a charity run home linked to our religious background. Despite the huge fees I don’t think they were making much profit. This was her wish and her own grandmother was in a home (long since shut, it was several decades ago) run by the same charity though things were quite different then. I didn’t have a say where the home was as she was discharged to the home from hospital (medical advice though the social worker would have happily sent her home I think) so it was where they had space and it was quite a long way from me. It wasn’t the most modern building but there was a low staff turnover which suggests it was well managed and staff were generally happy. That’s something I’d look for (same for a school too). I was well supported as well. I suspect that local authorities will go for maximum home visits relying on families (elderly spouse or middle aged or older children, mostly women) to pick up the slack, which families often do despite the effect on them. It’s a lot cheaper. The carers mum had at home (we paid for that) were nowhere near as good as those in the care home. Mum wasn’t happy there. I think she blamed me for being there. Even on her deathbed she was vile to me as I couldn’t do what she asked of me. She was vile to me when she was still at home and, despite being finally tiny, physically abusive at times. She wasn’t happy at home either. The loss of independence was just awful for her and she couldn’t adjust to it at all. Finally she refused to go to hospital for treatment despite being very poorly. I think she had enough and, as sad as it made me, I don’t blame her. She was very old and just miserable and lonely (I couldn’t visit as often as she’d have liked and the home asked me not to as they thought she’d settle better if I didn’t go that often). I think she was finally ready to go, in her last 6 months she kept asking for her long dead brother. Care homes don’t have a good reputation but, if you get the right one, they offer far more than you’ll ever get living at home. The fees were huge. Mum would have been appalled if she knew, she thought they were a tiny fraction of the cost. I feel that I spent my inheritance up front and it was a great help to me knowing she was safe and cared for. She died there, I wasn’t with her but the staff were really kind when I did visit in those last days so I believe they were at the end.

We found that special home for my DM. I viewed 11 altogether, originally she spent a year at the care home next door and was then moved to the nursing home where she’s been for 18 months.
I’m not sure if I can use the word happy as her Alzheimer’s is so advanced but she is well looked after and couldn’t be in a place better suited to her needs.
I lost 4 years of my life looking after her, sourcing carers, then new carers because she hit one of the old carers, dealing with emergency services etc etc etc. Now it’s so nice to visit her and not to be her carer, she doesn’t know who I am anymore but it’s such a comfort to know how well she’s being looked after.

This is why council budgets are struggling so much, the vast majority now goes on social care for elderly people or children’s services.

LAs aren’t charged at the same rate as self funded

• These negotiated rates are often below the actual cost of care. Care homes then charge self-funders significantly higher fees to compensate for this shortfall, essentially subsidizing the lower LA-funded rates.

I'm being to long to get to that place where we can be content in the knowledge mum is being well looked after without it having to be us doing the caring. All these years of having to think about my parents all the time is finally taking its toll.

You will OP very soon hopefully - my brother’s situation was very different as I only knew how bad his mental health was when he tried to commit suicide - when our dad got ill he asked me to finish him off rather than a care home so I think he realised the way he was going. With our dad it was a slow decline over a couple of years with increasing dependency on me. It was draining both emotionally and physically - once mum is happy and settled ( which she will be) you will be family again instead of carers and will enjoy happy times with and without your mum present. My brother’s care home encourages me, my children and grandchildren to have lunch with him and join in the various events they put on. I really enjoyed their summer fete last week but he slept all through it apart from burger time!

£2,200 per week north yorkshire specialist dementia home

That’s what I’ve found too, my DM and I sit and listen to Simon and Garfunkel and Bob Dylan together instead of me wearing myself out trying to meet all her needs.

£1680 a week - south west

@EmotionalBlackmail so individual families are not paying these fees themselves? Councils are?

@AnotherGreyMorning either the individual in care is paying the fees or the LA is paying their fees but LAs will pay a lower fee. Not all care homes accept the LA rate so there will be done people where the family choose to pay a top up so the resident can be in the home of their choice/ stay in a home once their money has run out.

I’d just say that my mother in law was in one of the very high end homes with all the bells and whistles, and it was also a truly wonderful caring environment that looked after her immaculately for 5 very long years. I agree with not being swayed by those things in themselves, but a home like that can also be good.

I personally also really like a purpose built home because it is so hard moving Mum around an old Victorian house, but needs must.

Add up the journey time. My mum is 15 minutes away so a visit is a minimum of 30 minutes plus actual time with her. Previously she was an hour away which is ‘only’ an hour but means every visit took half a day.

Mum has been in three different homes in the last four years and I work with elderly people. If you are self funding you might want to see if there are either any BUPA homes on your list or any Abbeyfield or any St John & St Elizabeth homes. I would look at those first. Above all you want to have a manager you like and can get on with.

Also, meet the GP covering the home early. Work out what you feel about hospital admission, antibiotics, treatment generally. My sister and I have fought like the harridans we are for 4 years for mum to be on essentially end of life care - no hospital admission for any reason (not even a broken hip), no antibiotics, no nutritional supplements (mum helps here by refusing them with loathing). The home will operate as if all that is required, but if you fight hard enough you can resist it - if that’s what you think is right.

If you are happy with hospital admission and antibiotics and all that then you don’t need to worry. But we know for sure that hospital is a confusing and distressing environment for Mum and that it would be in her best interests to die in a familiar environment. We have had to fight harder because we don’t have LPoA but if you are tough enough it can be done.

No, the families don’t pay. Either the individual pays, usually from their savings and value of their home if they own it, plus their pension.

Otherwise the council has to pay, usually a lower rate than that paid by an individual. BUT that usually means a lack of choice in where to go, possibly having to move homes if already in one, and, if they’re not, usually having to prove they can’t manage at home with four carer visits a day first.

@PermanentTemporary that sounds really stressful. My mother had a DNaR and a PEACE plan. Her only hospital admission was in the early days when she broke her hip, at that time she was still mobile and the repair was the right thing to do.

Two years before she died, she had a small stroke. The paramedics, care home, GP and myself were all united in the fact it was not in her best interests to go to hospital. She stayed at the care home with an end of life pack.

How on earth are people paying > 7000 a month . My mum has no savings so god knows what will happen to her .

Does she own a property? If so that will be sold and used to pay for care until her money runs out. Beyond and failing that, the tax payer will pick up the tab via local authorities - which is why they are all going bust.

In my mum's case, the first year is her savings and pension. Then her house will be sold and will cover about 8 years more. If mum lives until she's 99 then we will have to negotiate with the council and the home

Care home needed 3 years proof of funds

Eligible for attendance allowance if self funding and that plus state pension is approx £340 a week plus occupational pension, widows pension and savings/investment interest

They have zero costs in a dementia care home. Everything is provided

money goes a surprisingly long way. My DM is a higher rate tax payer since my DF died as state pension went up and got widows occupational pension

It’s very much situation-dependent - which country, whether it’s residential care or nursing / dementia care, whether it’s self funded or LA funding, whether there is a spouse / dependent at home, whether it’s a choice or no other option etc.

They have zero costs in a dementia care home. Everything is provided. This wasn’t the case for MIL - she needed to pay for toiletries, hair cuts, chiropodist etc. She had an account with the home that FIL had to top up every now and then, or bring supplies in himself.