Why do elderly people refuse to drink sufficient fluid?

[Disscombobulated]

I care for my FIL, who lives with us. He has a number of complex medical issues, the most recent being kidney failure and the a UTI.

Despite years of nagging I simply can’t get him to take in sufficient fluids to stay hydrated. He is perfectly lucid (most of the time) but can’t grasp the concept of water improving his quality of life. I have tried literally every angle of discussion… including having pretty brutal conversations about him, his clothes and my house smelling because his urine is so concentrated. He just doesn’t seem to care, or have any respect for me who is dealing with the consequences, such as hospital admissions, clearing up after ‘accidents’ and all the additional cleaning involved.

numerous medical professionals have told him that he must drink 3L a day.

I am now at the stage where I am so frustrated that I don’t know if I can continue to do this.

Any advice would be appreciated, or do I simply let it go and let the worst happen?

There have been some assholes on this thread.
OP you are doing a wonderful job.

Maybe it’s not a continence situation. It might also be because his heart function isn’t great and isn’t capable of pumping that much fluid around. If he leads an inactive live, fluids will pool in his tissues very quickly and overload his cardiovascular system. Does he have a wet cough?

Try Jelly drops- each sweet contains 50 ml water. Developed to help precisely your problem

Yes. Let's not get too deep into it. You're doing fine, OP. The jelly sweets idea was quite a good one and the people who actually work in elderly care had some insight too.

The fact of the matter, as I see it, is that he won't drink plain water. Frankly, I think the most simple solution is a straw and flavoured drinks. I don't know how frail he is, how much appetite he has, whether he can still face real meals. He could still be a good eater, or not.

You're doing a good job.

I had a similar situation with my grandmother. I haven't had time to look at all the posts but try jelly drops? Hope this helps xxx

@Disscombobulated twenty years ago my mum got really frustrated that my dads mum thought she was drinking loads of water when she only drank a small glass each day. Since mum had her stroke 5 yrs ago she too has now started to struggle to drink enough fluids- the desire just isn’t there! She starts several pint glasses but never empties them. She’s now using a yeti style mug with a straw - it holds a litre of fluid and the handle is easier to hold than a glass - would your FIL try one of those ? X

Think they ok for diabetics OP
And he'll just think they sweets.

Thanks everyone - there have been some really good ideas here and I will be trying the following:
jelly drops (ordered)
alcohol free stout
more ‘wet’ meals, soup etc
Ensuring that there is always liquid to hand - I do this but because is he very independent it sometimes feels patronising so I will reflect on how to do it better.

what I won’t be doing is
putting him in a home, avoiding difficult conversations or ignoring the advice of his medical team.

thanks again for everyone’s input.

You don’t have to have pure water. Squash, tea coffee etc all contain water. . Training I had on helping older people to have enough fluid included rice pudding as a recommended food with a useful amount of water in it.

Yes, older people need to keep up their fluid intake but they, and everyone else can have their water in other fluids.
I heard that only espresso is not a net gain of fluid. Similar to PPs, my parent lived to mid-nineties and I never saw them drink a glass of water. I’d focus on encouraging him to drink things he likes.

just saw that you are encouraging more ‘wet food’ etc

He’d likely end up in heart failure if he drank 3L per day!

All you can do is incorporate liquids in to as much of his diet and intake as possible, rather than just focussing on water / drinks.

If he likes alcohol but can’t have it, would non-alcoholic beer work for him (not sure if it’s compatible with a diabetic friendly diet). Non-alcoholic beer has massively improved over the last decade, he may not even realise it’s alcohol free!

@Disscombobulated I feel for you on this thread with the 3L thing. Renal conditions are very specific in terms of what the clinical team advises and the interaction with other medicines the person is taking. Yet everybody thinks they know best what amount your FIL should drink!

My mum has the opposite all the time — she has a renal condition and her consultant says she must limit fluids to less than 1L per day. Yet every bloody person she meets says that this must be wrong and she should drink loads of water! They all of course know better than the renal consultant with 30 years’ experience 😆

Can you sneak water into him through food? Up his fruit and vegetable intake, cereals or porridge for breakfast, homemade soups and casseroles for dinner.

Just an observation
Based on problems and your comments

Try him with orange squash? Or Ribena? Ginger beer? It may be he doesn’t like water. The carrying round of water battles is only in the last 30 years!

Try offering more liquid containing foods…soup, cucumber, lettuce, cereal with (lots of) milk, thin stews, citrus fruits, watermelon, tinned fruit salad in fruit juice, ice cream, lollies. Tinned tomatoes Offer drinks in small glasses ..less daunting. If water doesn’t float his boat, serve OJ with breakfast, apple juice with other meals

Pretty sure 9 sweets equals 50ml water.

Have they really told him to drink 3000mla day?
Try to encourage him to eat foods with high fluid content…fruit, veg, yoghurt, ice lollies, herbal teas, soups etc
3000ml a day is A LOT for anyone!

Are you medically trained? If you aren’t then I doubt that you were changing his catheter. Emptying his bag maybe…but NOT changing his catheter.

I don't believe numerous medical professionals have told him he must drink 3L of water a day. We get lots of water from the food we eat he almost certainly does not need to be drinking 3L a day unless he's extremely active or it's very hot weather.
OP are you yourself a bit of a water obsessive thus telling him he must drink more? NHS recommendations are 6-8 glasses a day which is more like 2 litres not 3.
If he isn't a fan of water you are better off trying to tempt him with lovely juicy fresh fruit like melon or strawberries. The water in these is just as valid as the water in the tap.

He has a renal condition, the water consumption is required to manage that condition, this is absolutely what he should have and nothing to do with my water obsession!!

Indeed I haven’t been changing his catheter, changing the bag, washing him, dealing with his stoma etc… I have been with him to every medical appointment for the last 4 years. Sorry that this wasn’t clear.

Because it's HIS father! And it also might be better received man to man.

I get through 2 litres a day - 3 takes quite a lot of effort and concentration I find. I have a stoma, had my bladder removed because of cancer and keep a close eye on the colour of my wee. I hope I can think about it clearly as I get older!
I don't find 2 litres a problem, got into the habit when I was breastfeeding. DH is supposed to drink the same since he had kidney stones.
However MIL was in the habit of never drinking a lot, and when she had to go into a home she got numerous UTIs as a consequence. We used to take her fruit, like strawberries, which she loved and was easy to eat.
Could you ply him with beer, maybe? Probably the alcohol will do him less harm than the dehydration.